Friday, July 29, 2005

Stimuli

Due to a lack of stimuli, I am lethargic tonight.
Due to a lack of stimuli, I hadn't planned on writing an entry because..
Due to a lack of stimuli, I find myself at a loss for coherent thoughts.

However, a stimulus arrived at last that prompted me to think about stimuli in general. Mind-bending stuff? Not really. If the topic was mind-bending, my mind would have snapped in half before the first word was typed.

My status now:
crushed by boredom. murdered by unfulfilled obligations. shredded by laziness. stabbed by loneliness. pierced by hopelessness. Etc. Etc.

So.. what stimulates me? What makes me get up in the morning? What gives me a reason to do things? What are my stimuli?

I guess people make up much of my stimuli.

People.
Friends. Foes. Authority figures. All of them exert a certain amount of adrenaline into my flagging system. Like going to school for instance. Sure, I go because I want to study stuff. But what about the stuff I don't feel like studying? I guess I'm kind of forced to go because of authority figures. But I think I go to school mainly for my friends. So yeah.. I guess friends make up a big part of my 'Adrenaline Rush.'

Friends.
Of course there are friends. And then there are.. 'more-than-friends' friends. i guess I should change the 'are' to 'is' and take off the 's' in 'friends'. 'Cause there's only one. Wahahaha.. Alright alright.. say it with me guys.. WHUTEVAH!!!!

"More-than-friends" friend.
Er.. Need i say more? Anyone who doesn't have a stone heart probably has experienced this to a lesser of greater degree. Suffice to say, She IS my motivation. *Cheesy moment*

There are people stimuli. P.S. for short. Then there are...
"i-dont-know-what-title-to-give" stimuli.

Or... to make it simple.. "other" stimuli.

Like er.. um... my ggoals and dreams. Real or imagined.

Okay. i suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore. The 'other' stimuli are boring anyways..

Haha.. O well.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Stay

I believe
We shouldn't let the moment pass us by
Life's too short
We shouldn't wait for the water to run dry.

Think about it
Cause we only have one chance at destiny
All I'm asking
Could it possibly be you and me?

So if you'd still go I'll understand
Could you give me something just to hold on to?
And if you'd stay I'll hold your hand
Cause I'm truly madly crazy in love with you.

Love.

What is it? How is it? Is it? Can we even define it? Should we even attempt to define it?

I guess if love needs a cliche to stay in, it would be, "Love cannot be defined by all the cliches in the world." I shall one day die, but cliches shall remain.

I am a cliched person. Cheesy, I am. I believe in a lot of stuff only meant for naive children.

I believe in trust, in the inherent goodness of a stranger. I'd like to believe that everyone starts out essentially good. Although I don't think that's possible.

I believe in the power of love. I believe everything cheesy about love. I believe that there exists a person in the whole wide world who is perfect for me. I believe that love can conquer all.

Back to love in general.

I do believe that to love is to risk. What I find hard to do is to take words to action. To love is to risk, yet sometimes it seems that the risks are greater. It always seems that way at first, before you even take the risk.

But in the end, the risks are taken, because no one can live without love. A person who thinks he is above love is not living, he's just existing.

Nothing can compare to the feeling of being in love.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Just read and reread. Sucks. Oh well.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Birthday Parties

First, a big thanks to everyone who came and everyone who remembered that 18 years ago, a guy named Jensen was born. :o

Well, I can honestly say that yesterday was one of my happiest birthday celebrations.

Of course, it was because of everyone who went. Hehe..

Our family car became a shuttle service :D 'Cause my house was a long way from 'civilization.' So there. But I enjoyed every minute of the rides. I picked up my DLSU buddies first. Omar, Riva and Chris. Then on we went to my high school buddy Jon's house, where my other high school buds were waiting. It was incredibly nice to see them all again- Them being Jon, Ja, By, Cri, Awi, Cocoy, Gi, Rizza and Ralph. Too bad Gi had to do a project with her friends.. Oh well.. Thanks for trying to come anyway! :D

So there. It was kinda cramped, but we had fun. And my friends were interacting with each other which is always FUN. :D

The rest of the birthday party was cooool.. I won't go into the details here, but I hoped my guests had fun. Although some things I had planned to do weren't available because of er.. 'technical difficulties'. Hehe.. But I think my DLSU and HS friends really got along well. Even though they come from different backgrounds.

They tell me the food was great, too. =D

The shuttle ride afterwards was also fun.. And I'm so sorry to my friends who were affected due to my lateness... Hehe.. Sorry guys.. And I had a blast 'reconnecting' with Cri.. I've missed you ! :D LEt's have mroe 'fun' conversations in the future. I'm raring for our next HS reunion. Rawr!

Thanks again to everyone and their gifts.. HEEHEHEHEHEHEH... I'm having a blast listening to Cueshe.. Thanks Ja! And watching Ichigo 100%! Thanks Omar, for giving me an anime I'm starting to enjoy, although I don't really like anime that much.

Erm.. Yeah I know it's not exactly a novel-length post.. But I dunno.. :D

back to watching ichigo.. *whistles*

Friday, July 22, 2005

Blogger's Block

This is my 50th post. *Mini-celebration*

I find that I have lost some of the will to write, at least temporarily. Kind of sad actually. I don't know if I'm just bone tired after every long day at school. Maybe blogging in the morning might help.

These past few days have marked my reemerging inner child, so to speak. I guess during the summer vacation, my inner child got lost in a tangle of vines, and never found his way back to me. Until now.

I'm actually really happy right now. Considering that also I'm very worried about my grade in BASICON, which everyone said was easy, and which I also took for granted, since the first few weeks were indeed easy. Right now, it's just another pain in the behind. I never did like math, and I don't think I ever will. As it turned out, BASICON or the so-called Basic Computer Concepts subject became a math subject. Don't get me wrong though, BASICON does have its fun parts, like our lab activities. We learned how to assemble a PC from the ground up, installed operating systems, and maded logic circuits. Quite fun actually. But more often than not, fun in BASICON comes crashing down into math. I think some of my friends do like math, and I wish I could say the same. But I just realized I'll always know the importance of studying conversion from binary, octal, and hexadecimal to decimal no. systems, or knowing how to write binary in IEEE form, or learning boolean algegra and K-maps, but I'll never grow to like them. And as a result, I haven't invested much of study time to the subject. Thus my bad grades.

But as I've said, otherwise, I'm really happy. And most of that happiness comes from being with my friends. They're really an eclectic bunch of guys and gals, but I wouldn't have them any other way. I've had so many adventures and new experiences with them. I just hope that over time, our bond will strengthen, and not fade unlike my grade school friendships.

*Intermission: a bit of sad musing for elementary friends."

But yeah. Life's kinda good.
-------------------------------

I'd like to share a post by my friend Byron, a gifted artist and write by his own right. Visit his blog if you have the chance. It's on my links.

Quoted from Byron:

HIGH SCHOOL. KOLEHYO.

Nung high school, 10 pahina? ulam na; sa kolehyo, hindi man lang patikim yan.

In high school, long exams are like black ants who just pass by; in college, they're red ants who REALLY hurt.

Nung high school, pakool-kool lang; sa kolehyo, parating kool na kool na nakatungo sa library.

In high school, 70% is like spilled Coke; in college, it's like free Coke.

Nung high school, speak English raw dapat Tagalog parin; sa kolehyo, pwedeng nang magTagalog pinipilit namang magIngles. *sigh*

Conclusion:

If high school's Mindanao, college is Iraq. Talagang nakakahilo, diba?

Monday, July 18, 2005

Bedspacer

Bedspace for my blog.

For some strange reason, I don't have anything to write about.

I wanna thank some stranger who commented.. I'll keep your words in mind.. :)

Everything seems fine on my side of the planet. Maybe I'm just too tired to write down feelings that everyone thinks is too emotional. It's either that or I'm just too overreacting.

Bedspace for my blog.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Blogging As a Form of Expression

Something's been bothering me.

I've been thinking about my purpose in creating this blog.

When I first started blogging, I wanted to write for other people. Of course, I was also writing for myself, but for the most part, I made a blog with the intention of letting other people read it. Right now, the situation's been reversed. While I still want people to read my blog, it's not the priority anymore. I write now mainly for myself.

Sometimes, it's hard for me to express my feelings outside. I am more of a conflict-evading type of person. Thus, it has always been hard for me to confront my issues with other people directly. The main purpose I have a blog now is this- FOR IT TO ACT LIKE A CATHARSIS.

Catharsis - a sudden
climax that constitutes overwhelming feelings of great sorrow, laughter, or any extreme change in emotion that results in the renewal, restoration and revitalization for living.

I write the way I do because that is how I feel inside. I write "emotionally" because it is in my nature to BE EMOTIONAL. The fact that I seem otherwise in person IS FALSE. Why?

BECAUSE PEOPLE CONSTITUTE "EMOTIONAL" AS BEING TOO ENGROSSED IN STRONG EMOTIONS LIKE SORROW AND/OR ANGER.

Here's a thought: DOESN'T JOY OR LAUGHTER QUALIFY AS STRONG EMOTION TOO?


Laughter is the one EMOTION I love to express in public. To say that being empowered by mirth is not "emotional" is to say that a tree does not belong in a forest. Who else can know what a person is feeling inside, UNLESS HE DECIDES TO SHARE IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE? And since I often do not share my other emotions in public, I decided to share them in my BLOG.

There you have the crux of the problem. Am I to change my style of writing to something less emotional, because this is not how other people perceive me?

This I have to say once more. MY BLOG IS MY CATHARSIS.

Writing in my blog has enabled me to examine myself. I HAVE changed a lot. And yes, this is due in part to my blogging. What I don't get is why people, especially friends, have a hard time accepting the NEW ME. I now believe that it is better to express my other emotions OUTSIDE. AND WHO ELSE HAVE I TO TURN TO BUT MY FRIENDS? And instead, I find myself subject to scrutiny instead of help.

YES, I have had instances where I was TOO high-strung.
YES, I might have been too annoyingly "emotional."

This is what I have to say: I am CORNY. I am CHEESY.SOMETIMES I AM TOO MUCH OF BOTH. And if my friends can accpet that and live with it, why can't they accept the fact that I might sometimes go overboard with sorrow or anger?

These past months of bloggin and entering college was a wild, and very unpredictable ride. And my blog entries are here to prove it.

In the end, that is why I have a blog- IT IS AN OUTLET FOR ME TO EXPRESS WHATEVER I HAVE EXPERIENCED, and to reflect on my past thoughts and memories, as written down on the spur of the moment.

Oh yeah, and I have recovered my old corny self again, although I HAVE CHANGED. Everyone will just have to get used to that.

TO end this entry, Let me just say two more things:
1. You think you may know my writing style, but reflect on and compare my serious works with my not-so-serious ones. You might be surprised to find out that you just haven't seen my real style yet, that is why my blogging feels so alien.

2. And to cap it off, I had a fine day today.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Menage Diagnostic Test

I had to answer these questions as part of being a newbie LaSallian staffer. Enjoy!

I. Free Association. In 5 words, write what comes to mind.

1. wiretapping – Next time, send an e-mail.

2. movie piracy – “Psst, Boss, DVD VCD cheap!”

3. Katya Santos – faceless soldier of boldstar army

4. Susan Roces – Queen of Panday’s non-existent kingdom

5. e-VAT – watered-down and stripped of power

6. Jasmine Trias – Hawaiian capitalizing on Filipino pride

7. Boy Abunda – queer eye for gossipping guys

8. plastic surgery – transforming everyone into Barbie dolls

9. Geoff Eigenmenn – Who the heck is this?

10. Angel Locsin (as Darna) – Intermittent danger of bra falling

II. Your take on current government situation w/o references to PGMA

Anyone can see that the Philippines is going up in flames. With recent controversies and exposés of corruption in the upper echelons of our government, everything this country has stood for is in grave danger of falling apart. Everyone, including me, has their own views on what must be done to end this crisis. What must not be done, however, is to take a detour around due process. I’ll be the first to admit that due process in this country can take a long time, but the system is in place for a reason, and that is to prevent anarchy. The present crisis cannot be resolved hastily. Everyone and everything suspected must be scrutinized carefully, and appropriate investigations must be started in order to reveal the truth of the matter. If, and only if, suspicions are proven to be true should the proper measures be taken. Flogging due process will have serious repercussions in the future. A government built on lies cannot stay afloat for long. The only way out of the hole that we are stuck in right now is to follow due process, THEN afterwards, take a long, hard look at the structure of our government, and start making some changes.

III. 4-6 sentences. What would happen if you were trapped in an elevator with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, the Spice Girls, Sandara Park, Nora Aunor, an ostrich, a sledgehammer, a pepperoni pizza, and a roll of duct tape?

I waited in the cramped elevator, holding the pepperoni pizza I had just bought, surrounded by celebrities and the pet ostrich of the Spice Girls, which was gently nuzzling the pizza box. Suddenly, the elevator stopped, and the girl whom I mistook for Sandara Park pulled off her mask to reveal Nora Aunor, the actress-turned-undercover agent. Pandemonium broke loose as Katie Holmes, who had been quietly conversing with Tom Cruise, cursed at Agent Aunor and drew a sledgehammer from Tom’s backpack. The Spice Girls shrieked in alarm, causing the pet ostrich to shriek in alarm and start attacking my pizza- MY 495-peso all-meat pizza. A slow anger burned through me, and I used the dark side of the Force to bring time to a standstill. Grabbing a roll of duct tape, I gagged everyone in the elevator, proceeded to put on the Sandara Park disguise, extricated my pizza from the ostrich’s beak, snatched the sledgehammer from Katie’s grasp, heaved the sledgehammer at the elevator door until it crashed open, and walked away from the mess that being given a situation like this creates.

IV. Retell a fairy tale.

Jack and the Beanstalk

Jack was a 28-year old man living with his mother. They stayed in a ratty old bungalow. Jack’s mother was an overworked and underpaid construction worker. The money she brought home was barely enough to cover all their needs. As you can imagine, they had little luxuries in their home. Meanwhile, Jack worked at his job of being a bum. Incredibly, it took an amazing amount of work to find ways to avoid working and thus exert the least amount of effort. Jack had a lot of practice in his 28 years of life, however, and he got by without so much as lifting a finger in menial work. All his days were spent running away from work. He was satisfied enough with his career that he found no reason to ever stop being a bum.

This was how matters stood in Jack’s home, until one day, when his mother came home early from work. She found Jack snoring on the sofa, drool drying on the corners of his lips. The sight of her fat son proved to be too much for her overworked, underpaid eyes to see. She screamed at him to wake up and do something productive with his life.

“Like what, O mother provider of mine?” asked Jack.

“Like getting off your lazy butt and pawning my wedding ring to get the electric bill paid. It’s been 2 months since we’ve been disconnected,” replied his mother.

Grumbling sleepily, Jack took the wedding ring and went to the pawnshop. Upon arriving, the pawnshop owner greeted is favorite customer amiably. “How’s the career, Jack my boy?” he asked.

“Fine, fine, George. Only I hit a career roadblock some time ago, and here I am pawning this ring, instead of bumming around like I should be doing.”

“Oh yeah, about the pawn thing. I’m kind of short in cash right now. Why don’t I just give you these free passes to The Beanstalk Club? It’s a nice place for wasting your time,” said George.

“Hmm.. That sounds like a fair trade! Fine by me!”

Jack took the passes and went home to tell his mother the good news. Predictably, Jack’s house was soon the ground zero of another warzone. His mom shouted and screamed and tore her hair, but Jack explained that he couldn’t return the tickets because he might hurt George’s feelings. This was the last straw for Mommy Dearest. She threw him out of her home with nothing but the clothes on his back and the passes he traded for the wedding ring.

Morose, now that his comfortable sofa would no longer be available to him, he decided to head to the Beanstalk Club to drown his sorrows in alcohol, conveniently forgetting that he had no money. After a few minutes of wandering around the club-and-bar district, he finally found the towering club. “It looks just like a beanstalk,” thought Jack, “like some enchanted thing right out of a fairytale.”

The fairytale motif didn’t just end there. There was no opening in the club, because there was nothing to open to. The inside was solid cement; everyone partied outside, on the walls of the beanstalk. Ladders were the common method used in climbing up, but since Jack wasn’t a fit person, he asked the manager if they had elevators. “Certainly, sir. But only those with authorized passes to enter may use it, and it only stops on the 169th floor,” said the manager. At first, the manager refused to let him use the elevator, but after seeing the VIP pass that Jack was carrying, he finally relented. Soon afterwards, he was traveling up the beanstalk.

“Isn’t it strange that 13 when squared equals 169?” mused Jack as the elevator steadily crept up to the 169th floor.

The 169th floor seemed to be nothing special, as Jack stepped out of the elevator. Suddenly, the alarms went off.

Jack could only watch in mute horror as a gigantic man came striding out of the lone room in the 169th floor. “He must be around 10 feet tall!” thought Jack. The man made no attempt to harm them, though. He looked at him carefully as if trying to discern his purpose in coming to the top floor. All of a sudden, he spoke out in a rumbling voice. “Well, it seems that you come with no bad intentions. Welcome to the office of the top dog in this club. My name’s Chuckmeister. You can call me Chuckie for short.”

Chuckie showed the stunned Jack around his humongous office. Jack could only gape in wonder at the lavishness of the office, and the quirky inventions that Chuckie had been amassing for a year now.

Finally, Chuckie showed Jack something that forever changed his life. Chuckie’s wealth had come not from his family, but from his creativity. Jack invented the Golden Goose, an automated drink mixer that could be programmed to mix drinks to exact measurements. But not only did he do that, he also invented a unique drink made from the Golden Goose. He called the drink as “Golden Egg.” This drink proved to be so popular that people came in droves to his newly opened club.

“… And that’s how I became so rich,” said Chuckie.

After finishing the story, Chuckie excused himself and asked Jack to wait while he was finishing up some things he was attending to. Left inside the room, he began to form an idea. He decided to steal the Golden Goose and make his fortune. He justified his putting the bumming career on hold by telling himself that this was only temporary. He quickly gathered up the Golden Goose and went to the elevator hastily. As the elevator doors were opening, he heard a harsh cry shouting at him. Chuckie had returned. And he was not happy. Sighing in relief as the elevators closed on him with Chuckie still a few meters away, he caught his breath. Then he heard the thud above him. Chuckie had landed on top of the elevator.

As the ceiling panel opened, panic started to cloud Jack’s mind. Suddenly, he had an idea. Knowing that there would only be one chance for him to succeed, he waited until Chuckie’s arm was inside the elevator. Then he smashed the elevator lights and twisted Chuckie’s arm to touch the exposed wires. As the electric current flowed through Chuckie’s hapless body, he uttered one final cry. “Jack, I am your father!” “What a dingbat,” thought Jack, although he couldn’t shake the feeling that what Chuckie was telling him was the truth. But either way, it was too late. The charred body of Chuckie was all that remained.

All of a sudden, the elevator stopped. Jack pried open the elevator doors and found himself a mere 15 feet away from the ground, and freedom. He jumped.

He lived happily ever after. Until…

Until 15 years later, when a much richer Jack woke up from a dream he had. He called up his mom who was now living in a posh apartment downtown.

“Mom, what was father’s name?” asked Jack.

“Why on earth should you wake me up for, Jack? But if you really want to know, then his first name is…”

“Chuckie.”

“Noooo!!!” Jack’s cry of anguish echoed through his empty mansion, underscoring the cheesiness of the moment.

The End.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Short Entry Due To Tiredness (SEDTT)

Actually, my day was very fun.

I spent the whole morning getting bored to death in ALGTRIG and BASICON classes. Standard sleepy-lecturing stuff. No surprises.

Had a fun time in our ORIENT1 class though. We played an exciting game... One which I need to remember for future use... ;)

Our University break was 1 - 2:30pm.. I wanted to watch a concert sponsored by an org I joined, MooMedia.. Too bad I had to go to a General Assembly with The LaSallian, the school paper.. Well, it was quite fun actually. I met the people I'll be working with in the future, and I'm happy to say that none of them is normal. That's a compliment :D I even met a friend from the Star Scholar getaway I went to.. Hi Anne! Although I don't think she can read this... :o

So after that, we had COMPRO lab.. I guess I did fine, although I made some careless mistakes. Sheesh.

Well.. But I still finished early. So did Riva, and she was going home, so I accompanied her.

You know, I just realized I missed talking with her.. I hadn't fully realized how long it was since we had a chance for interrupted conversation. I don't know.. I guess there were just too many people and too many distractions around these past few weeks.. Well, one thing's for sure- I'm glad I finished early. :D

Side Note: I've been so hungry these past few days.. I don't know why but it seems like everytime chance I get, I'm always eating.. :o Oh my..

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Parable of the Whatever Girl

Once upon a time, there lived a girl whose name was inconsequential.

She lived in a world called "Planet Green." The girl lived a hectic life, and as with all lives, she lived a troublesome one. However, she was a strong-willed one, and she had the support of a loved one whose name is also inconsequential.

She was a girl full of paradoxes.
She was a girl full of conflicts.
She was a girl full of herself.

One day, Paradoxical Girl was hanging out with her political group called "Honest." In this "Honest" political group, there existed a person of 9/10 outward beauty. In case the parable readers are wondering, beauty is meant as handsome. And so, Conflicting Girl developed a "little crush" on "Pretty Boy Floyd."

After a few days of nothing, Girl-Full-Of-Herself got a chance to spend a whole day with Pretty Boy Floyd. And so she took advantage of this "chance" that was offered to her. All day long, her Green Planet friends saw the flirtation going on between them- with the exception of her loved one, who was stuck in Planet F.

One by one, they were struck dumb as she blithely ignored the fact that both she and Pretty Boy Floyd already had relationships with other people.

After the Green Planet day was over and Pretty Boy Floyd had already gone out, Girl-Full-Of-Herself even had the gall to brag that they spent the day together. Complete with swoon effect. And she had the greater gall to tell her friends not to tell her loved one who was in Planet F.

This parable ends without an ending, although given the fact that repeated attempts by her friends to stop the shit she was shitting failed to convince her, this can only end badly.

The moral of this parable is:
True love is elusive.

----------------------

You know, in my present situation, I can't help but be confused by people who throw away the love they have carelessly. Don't these people realize that true love is one of the greatest gifts ever given? HAve they forgotten how hard it is to love but not to be loved?

Don't they realize that they are one of the most blessed people on earth for having found love?

Monday, July 11, 2005

Reevaulation: Part 3

Actually, Part 3 is where the reevaulation comes in.
And actually, I don't quite know where to start.

I think I should just make a bulleted list...

REEVALUATION AND REALIZATIONS:
  • For a blog that's titled "Disorganized Mind", my layout seems to be super organized. This has led me into making some parallels about myself and my blog. Oftentimes, I think I'm one kind of person, but then my thoughts, words, and actions speak plainly of what I truly am. I guess titles just don't work with me.
  • I was also thinking about Star Scholars in general. I don't think I'm cut out to be one if I don't develop healthy study habits soon. My grades are below stellar at the moment. I need to focus more on my studies.
  • I've had a realization (a few of them actually) : People are not what they first appear to be. I think I wrote a post-it about spilling stuff.. Maybe later.
  • Another realization: I've been putting too much focus on social life. While it HAS given me friends, I'm neglecting the rest of my graden. And it's choking on weeds.
  • HEre's another evaluation about myself. I put too much emphasis on small stuff. I guess I jsut can't do this slogan: "Dont sweat the small stuff"
  • Realization No. 3: I'm going too fast. I need to slow down. There's nothing worse than rushing things.
  • And I've been putting off TOO MANY OBLIGATIONS FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
SOME CHANGES
  • HEnceforth, I shall start focusing more on my studies.
  • Henceforth, I shall not put off obligations and other important stuff just for the sake of being with my barkada.
  • Henceforth, I shall not take things too heavily, and I shall try to approach things with a smile and a hope.
  • Henceforth, I shall strive to be my true self.
  • Henceforth, I shall not be ashamed of being who I am.
  • Henceforth, I shall not let others' opinions dictate me.
QUOTE THAT STRUCK ME JUST NOW:

"BE WHO YOU ARE, SAY HOW YOU FEEL, 'CAUSE THE ONES THAT MIND DON'T MATTER, AND THE ONES THAT MATTER DON'T MIND." - Dr. Seuss

THE SPILLING OF STUFF:

  • All right. Just to make things clear, I jsut wanted to get this out in the open. Please read my disclaimer of why I'm doing this. I jsut can't shut up anymore, and I need an outlet for this.
  • First up.. Love. I've decided that I'm going too fast and I need to slow down. When it's my time to love someone, I will know. Until then, I'm not going to be pursuing anyone.
  • Riva: One word can describe her. CONTRADICTION. She's really fun to be with. Conversely, she's not fun to be with when she keeps ignoring you, maybe unconsciously or consciously, but ignoring you all the same. She's fun to talk to. Conversely, she's not fun to talk to when she cuts the conversation abruptly, or when you expect some sort of acknowledgment but instead, you are met with a blank stare. OR a blank cellphone screen. I don't know if she's like this with other people, or just with a select few. I hope it's not because she sees me as a "boylet", to take a leaf out of her dictionary of terms. Also, I soemtimes get annoyed whenever I speak up about something and she starts to go, "Hindi, ganun yan, Mali ka blah blah." Or something to that effect. As if her view on things is a matter of fact and not opinion. But still... I don't know why, but even with these faults, I still think of her as one of my true friends. I think it's maybe it's because one of the things about friendships is that you are willing to accept a friend, even with warts and all.
  • Chris: I don't know.. Chris truly cares about his friends. But sometimes.. I get the feeling there's so much I don't know about his personality. He's kind of insensitive at times. And I feel a bit put out whenever he's all smiles about someone he dislikes secretly. I'd rather he just tell whomever he doesn't like, that he doesn't like them. Instead of smiling. I don't know.. I;m guilty of this attitude myself. And.. This may seem petty but.. I get irritated that he put down other people's joke as "corny" and "too pilosopo" and "Really corny". But then when he cracks corny jokes, which is often, he seems to think that everyone should laugh along with him. >_<>
  • Cheffrey: I don't know about her.. Today was the first time I seriously considered her personality as someone younger. Today was the first that I thought of her as younger than me. Because, she talks and acts in contradictions. She can be very noisy at times, then just as suddenly shouts "Quiet! Don't be too noisy!" I have experienced so many other instances of this type.. I just don't get her, you know. But she's a good friend.
  • My barkada: I think some, not all, of my friends in my barkada find it hard to concentrate whenever I'm the one talking or whatever. Sometimes I feel like I'm the weak link in the group, you know, like I'm the expendable one. Yep, expendable I am. That's why I felt really appreciated when my ideas were heard during my weekend with other star scholars. I often feel out-of-place in my group. But the surprising thing is, no matter how ignored I might feel, I would still be with them whenever, and wherever. I guess my friend Wale's statement can sum this up. "When things are down, they're really down. But when things are up, they are REALLY REALLY UP," to paraphrase her.
  • I know, I know, I'm being quite frank with all that I'm saying. It's jsut that these things have been eating at me for weeks. And my only release is this blog. Before I can reevaluate and change aspects of my life, I have to get these off my chest first.
I have to eat now.

Reevaulation: Part 2

A continuation of my 5 days of change.

July 9 - 10, Saturday to Sunday

This weekend turned into something more than I expected. I guess it was worth missing Fantastic Four get-together and not being able to use a computer for.

On Saturday, I went to DLSU at around 6:30 for the start of our bus trip to Tanay Hills, Rizal. The bus ride was cool, as my seatmate Ron was also cool, and I watched the original Matrix again. I had really forgotten how the Matrix has changed the movie world. I was surprised to find out that although the special effects had been COPIED the world over, I was still amazed at the grace and beauty of the fight sequences. So sue me if I'm a guy and I like watching fight scenes. :D

After that, we arrived at the BEAUTIFUL resort. It was really beyond our expectations. The resort had a swimming pool, although we couldn't use it.

For accomodations, 5 guys shared each cottage. Thanks goodness there was airconditoning haha.. We left the aircon on all day so when we came back at night, the cottage would be nice and breezy. The only problem I found with the cottage were the numerous bugs and ants infesting some parts of it. I was lucky to get a bed that was not affected. Haha...

Okay. I'll get the food stuff out first. For the 1 and a half days we spent there, We had a total of EIGHT Meals. There was so much food. I'm not complaining, although the tummy I'm trying to build abs on might be. There was morning break, lunch, afternoon break, dinner, midnight snacks, breakfast, morning break, and lunch again, before we returned to Manila. Very filling it was.

This wasn't the boring seminar I thought it would be. Sure, there were some boring parts, but overall, i not only enjoyed it, I also learned something from it, which is quite rare, for me.

I'll share some of my new thoughts in Part 3.. For now.. Fun light stuff.

We had a lot of group activities. Not just our batch of star schoalrs were there. The past 2 batches also joined us. They were really fun people to be with, and I think my DLSU future shall be better with them joining me.

The highlights of the Saturday session was the star awards, and the short skit of a few groups.

We had a lot of fun making up a skit, based on the Matrix, as one of my groupmates looked a lot like Morpheus. Haha. Anyways, one thing I really appreciate about my group was that they accepted and heard out my suggestions, instead of just shooting down my suggestions without second thoughts. After all, they were already sophomores and junior, while I was a mere frosh. It just goes to show that not everyone's out to get your skin.

We finished at 10:30 pm.. And we had a bonding session at our cottage with my ka-batch of scholars. We played cards and Killer, and we ate, and we had fun. At around 12:30, the other people aside from my roommates went back to their rooms to sleep. We ended up playing another round of cards and sleeping at 2:30 am. It was really a memorable night for me.

Sunday was the day of the AMAZING RACE. We had to finish 3 challenges to win. The first one was easy. The second was quite fun, as 2 people had to carry a balloon using a specific body part, in these cases, the nose, then the cheek, then the butt. It was really fun to watch. The final challenge was the hardest, and the most frustrating. We did finish it though, and it was really fulfilling to finally find a plan that worked.

We went back to DLSU at around 4pm.

----------------------

I realize that I have been yappingg on about events mostly. However, it was the interaction of people which really made my weekend. Here are a few acknowledgments to the new friends I gained through this activity.
  • My roommates, REAGAN, LORENZ, PAOLO, and JANJAN! YOu guys were awesome! Lorenz is a truly gifted orator. Reagan was incredibly funny too. I'll remember our race to 5 in pusoy dos! Paolo and Janjan were a bit on the quiet side but they were really friendly too. Paolo came from my former school St. Jude, and Janjan can relate to my ComSci problems as he's a CS Major too!
  • My other batchmates, PERKIN! CONRAD! DEX! ANDREW! AMANDA! RON! EDGAR! We guys had a lot of fun! Here's a virtual toast to continuing friendships in the future!
  • Older batch friends! Thanks for the help guys! Here's to the assurance that age doesn't matter in friendships! See you guys in school! JSON! BENI! ALVIN! ANNE! MANGO! EDRIC! Sorry for the guys I failed to mention. I'm getting older and becoming senile :D
This is one of those experiences I'll always remember. Hope next year will be even better!

July 11, Today

Something very short for today.

I realized a lot of stuff today.

End.


I shall be making a reevaulation of some aspects of my life in Part 3 of this trilogy.

Reevaulation: Part 1

I don't quite know how to start.

I guess I'd better start from last Thursday....

Thursday, July 7, 2005

Today was the first time I didn't feel up for PE swimming. I guess it had something to do with the way my right eye was hurting. After I jumped into the pool though, everything felt better. Swimming always manages to make me feel better.. Maybe it's the sense of buoyancy it gives me.

SO after we finished swimming, we ate at Pizza Hut. It was one of the high points of my day. We had a lot of fun there..

Although we planned to eat at The Venue @ EGI taft towers beside our school building, we decided to go on a pizza pig-out. The price was stiff, around 125 pesos without drinks.. But I guess it was worth it, as it was one of the most fun experiences I've had to date. IT was nothing special really, jsut a group of friends enjoying each other's company, but things don't need to be grandiose or complicated to be really, truly felt and cherished.

And it marked the beginning of a new.. er.. "dawn"

THE EMERGENCE OF A "TRUST" FUND.

Haha.. OVer-dramatizing seems to be my forte.

Well anyways, we had around 130 pesos change, and we decided to start a mutual fund with it. I guess I started calling it a trust fund because I'm trusting that even though things may change drastically in the future, we'll still have our college barkada intact. Wishful thinking? I hope not.

Then we had COMPRO1 and FILIPI1 classes.

It started out plainly.. as.. plain boring. However, I ended up having another high point of my day..

Riva and I were seatmates. Haha.. I don't know who came up with the idea first, but we ended up having a lot of fun playing a drawing game. We picked out a letter at random and drew something that started with that letter. But the catch was to come up with something funny. And we DID come up with some pretty wacked-out sketches. :D

All in all, Thursday was my day. :P

Friday, July 8, 2005

Okay.. Friday comes next.

To start off, things were quite ordinary during the morning. IT was in the afternoon when things became very very interesting.

Here's what my afternoon and evening was like, in numbered format:
  1. I met Xima, Riva's best friend. (Random thought: DID I just notice a naming trend here?)
  2. We ate at McDo.
  3. We tried to go inside the campus but Xima wasn't allowed.
  4. I felt bad for not attending the fellowship just because Xima couldn't come. NEx time, I won't let myslef be hindered.
  5. We ended up spending the rest of the afternoon at the front steps of the Sports Complex.
  6. I had to go at 5pm because I had to attend a Star Scholar thingy.
  7. Despite my expectations, I actually had fun getting to know the other star scholars. New friendships are always fun.
Random thoughts to go with the numbered list, in bulleted form:
  • Xima seems like a nice guy, in person. I won't say more >____<
  • It was terribly disappointing of me to sacrifice too much for nothing much. Another point I'm pondering on.
  • Contrary to stereotypes, Scholars aren't the nerdy types. I admit that scholars are competitive in grades, but they don't just focus on grades. I can attest to that.
  • As usual, the FREE FOOD was excellent. I'm starting to grow fat on free star schoalr food dammit.

Thus ends part 1.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Writer's Blahhsss

Sigh.. I don't feel like writing today.

So, here's what I'll do. Imma make a blog "post-it" note to remind me of stuff I'll write about once I return home. O_O

POST IT NOTES
  • Pizza Hut pig-out and the emergence of a "trust fund" hehehehehehehe....
  • Swimming stuff (?)
  • Four seasons of McDo loneliness
  • Xima's visit O_O
  • Star slash scholaring
  • My thoughts on lovelives, my friends, and maybe some rants...
  • MY TWO DAY STAY IN RIZAL TOGETHER WITH THE OTHER STAR SCHOLARS
  • The fantastic four movie get together I''ll miss, and the UAAP game I'l also miss.
  • Other random stuff about my high school friends.
  • Maybe I'll tell all for once.. Kind of like an expose into my inner thoughts. No more guessing games, code names.. MAybe.
That's my post-it note for today.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Let's see...

Let's see... it's been 5 days since my last entry.. And what a 5 days it has been.

I guess we should forget everything I wrote down in the last few entries, cause these 5 days have reminded me that life should not be taken THAT seriously. XD

Here's a rundown of some important (at least to me) events that have happened in my 5 days:

Saturday, July 1, 2005

Hmm.. did anything important happen? *Thinks for a few seconds*

Woops! I'm sooooo forgetful!

I went to Chris's house today, together with Riva! We were "supposed" to do our Filipino midterms but er... Hehe.. something always happens haha.. We ended up listening to some music, going through Chris's past possessions, researching COMPRO stuff, playing with his Flight Simulator game... Everything but doing our Filipino stuff.. Good thing we remembered to do it in the end.. And so we did, although it was rushed... I guess that's what happens when you go to a friend's house for the first time. =D I have to give an appreciative thanks to Chris though, YOUR FOOD'S AWESOME!!!!!!

Sunday, July 2, 2005

Today was the day I went to the barber to cut my hair. Nothing special bout haircuts, really, but after today's haircut, I had a totally new look! I kinda like it... Weeee..

Then, this evening was the "55th anniversary of Grace" play! Actually, the play was secondary.. I just wanted to mee my high school friends. Hello to Jon, Awi, JE, Dan, Regine, Meg, Ange, By, Ralph-the-Balikbayan, Lauren, Alvene, Vanessa, Lizelle, Aldrich, Billy, Ja, n some other people who I forgot to mention. Sorry! >.<

The play itself was cool. Although kinda amateurish for a CCP play. The play-ers did their best though, and I enjoyed the show! Kudos to everyone there!

Monday, July 3, 2005 - Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Well, actually, I had so much fun these past three days with my friends.

Riva, Chris, and me have been having so much fun on our early morning trips. I look forward to these trips everyday.

Academics-wise.. I'm kinda okay with my studies.. Although I'm kinda afraid for my scholarship because I'm getting poor grades in filipino.. Darn.

One good thing to point our would be that I'm now officially a member of The La Sallian publication!! I'm in the Menagerie section, and I get to write feature articles! Weeee... Now all I have to think about is getting my 3-5 hours per week residency in the office, which means I'm gonna be spending a few hours less time with my friends.. Darn.. >_<

These days, I'm having a ton more fun just letting myself go, and being happy-go-lucky again. I'm starting to enjoy life a lot more, and my stress has been less.

As my classmate remarked of my crazy, hyperactive self..

"Have you been taking drugs?!"

Haha.. Over and over, people.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Fun stuff

Thank you Awi for making me laugh and giving a very very nice line... Hope you don't mind if I post this.

----Chat---
awi_ball: sunday ka ba manonood ng play?>

jenoosia: yep

awi_ball: woohoo!!!

awi_ball: invyt ****!

jenoosia: kala ko pa naman madami tau sa sunday

jenoosia: may pics na kmi

awi_ball: uy uy uy

jenoosia: pero dpa sinesend ng kaibigan ko sa kin

awi_ball: amp

awi_ball: nag sit in pla c ralph sa akin nung thurs

awi_ball: pinagyabang ni **** ung mga pics nila ni **** kay ralph

awi_ball: lolz

jenoosia: pero sa totoong buhay parang mas bumulok ung relationship namin

awi_ball: tawa nlng kmi

jenoosia: sigh

awi_ball: yan ka nanaman

jenoosia: yep

jenoosia: kasi naman e

awi_ball: i dont like the "bitchy whiney jensen"

jenoosia: malay ko ba kay ****.. one minute close kami, the other minute im being ignored

awi_ball: i like the "cool funloving corny jensen"

jenoosia: sige na nga

awi_ball: dpaat un ung mkita ko sa sun

awi_ball: kundi ignore rin kita

jenoosia: hah ok ok master

awi_ball: gud

awi_ball: haha

awi_ball: no oras ka punta?

jenoosia: dko alam gusto ko sana maaga para magkita tau lahat pero balita ko dami dqaw pupunta sa saturday nalang

awi_ball: d yan

awi_ball: cla jon by baka sun

awi_ball: ako dan sun

awi_ball: cla java bka sun

awi_ball: cla aldrich jachua billy sun

awi_ball: reg sun

jenoosia: sana sana

awi_ball: dami pa rin

jenoosia: woopee

jenoosia: anong oras m plano?

awi_ball: hmmm

awi_ball: mga 5

awi_ball: para maganda seats

jenoosia: oks

jenoosia: haha may nakuha shobe ko na front row seats

awi_ball: suot nmin sa sun ateneo tshort

jenoosia: dayam

jenoosia: sayang

awi_ball: tshirt*

awi_ball: front row?

jenoosia: ung dlsu tshirt ko sa monday ko pa makukuha

jenoosia:

awi_ball: dba first come first serve/?

jenoosia: for sponsors ung nakuha na ticket haha.. pero since kau naman kasama ko dko gagamitin ung front row

awi_ball: hahaha naks nman pare

jenoosia: sayangggg... asteeg sana tshirt

jenoosia: o well

awi_ball: haha onga eh

jenoosia: by th way invited ka sa bday party ko sa sunday july 24 , dpa finalized details pero sure na magkakaroon

awi_ball: woohoo

awi_ball: san?

jenoosia: house ko

awi_ball: asteg nman

jenoosia: bka may hatid sundo

awi_ball: asteg!!!!!!!!!!

awi_ball: ****... makikita ko na rin!!!

awi_ball: woohhooooo!!!!

jenoosia: haha

jenoosia: nyaks

awi_ball: oops

awi_ball: shado atang enthusiastic

jenoosia: bad ka a

awi_ball: it will test ur "bond"

jenoosia: dami na nga nakiki epal wag ka na bka dko kaya powers m

awi_ball: haha la na nga eh

awi_ball: tgal na hindi nagagamit

awi_ball: kelangan na ng practice

awi_ball: lol

awi_ball: sa mga lalake nlng ako practice

awi_ball: yuk

jenoosia: haha

jenoosia: oks lang ya.. kung malakas powers ko bka may iba pang magandang babae na pupunta sa bday party

awi_ball: d bale.. mag paparang "loner" nlng ako

awi_ball: hay...

awi_ball: bachelor..

jenoosia: hndi yan... wag ka na rin gumaya sa "bitchy whiney jensen" haha

jenoosia: sa ganda ng kalalakihan m

awi_ball: hahaha ako pede kasi la babae

awi_ball: kaw bwal kasi meron
---End---

awi_ball: i dont like the "bitchy whiney jensen"
awi_ball: i like the "cool funloving corny jensen"

THanks for the line awi :D

Looking at the Big Picture and Enjoying Life's Little Pleasures

Edit: I lost the original version of this entry because of a stupid computer reset. Now all my temporary internet files and I have to go through super-slow loading times again. Arg this PC.

Mantra # 1
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.

Mantra # 2
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.

Today had its share of ups-and-downs.

Sigh.. Since all the work I did was flushed down the drain a while ago, I'll just do a summary of today. :(

Ups:
  • Had post-breakfast breakfast with Chris while waiting for Riva in the morning. Boutght Riva a donut.
  • Took a nap comfortably inside the hospital-that-looked-like-a-hotel.
  • Had some fun during the break in between Math and Basicon class when Wale turned into a stylist and tried to change my hairstyle.. Haha.. Thanks for trying, not futilely, I hope =D
  • Had fun with my friends, special mention to Omar and Wale. You guys prevented me from having a depressing day. I appreciate that.
Downs:
  • Found it really really hard to continue with my resolution to take things as a challenge, as things seem to be going nowhere.
  • Case in point: I kept getting ignored. Again. And by people whom I consider some of my closest friends.
  • Sometimes, I'd feel that everything's all right. And then one of these things would happen to me: 1. Say something then listen to it dissipate in the wind with no one listening. 2. Say something and listen to "Friend" shoot it down. 3. Say something and watch it being dismissed in the most blatant way. 4. Listen to things that really, really hurt.
  • A secret: The lowest point of my day was when... Sigh.. I'll just spit it out. When "Girl" was with me but instead of talking with me, was reminded of "Other Guy." Oh well..
  • I do not know if I am with the right set of friends. The friends whom I knew and grew close to during the past few weeks keep appearing less and less frequently, being replaced by the same friends but who sometimes, maybe unknowingly, exclude me, or ignore me. I do not know.
But as with my 2 mantras above... I must go on. Life must go on. I can't let these things bring me down. Hope is indeed a great gift.

Thank you at least to a few of my friends who have never let me down, for giving me some of life's little pleasures to enjoy in the midst of my Downs.
Thank you very much.