Old Love Songs, Past Memories, Thinking Out Loud

I can't think of anything to write.

Not that I don't have anything to write- it's the exact opposite. I have a lot of things I can write about. It's just that everything's crowding around in my mind all at the same time. It's weird, this.

Not 30 minutes ago, my mind was clear- blank, even. But it only takes a moment, and poof- the mind is overflowing. Mostly, they're thoughts on the past and future.

It may be a permanent human condition to relive the past. After all, memories are always with us. Unless you're an amnesiac- then you don't count. Sometimes, certain things will trigger that sudden outpouring of memories. It looks like something has made the dam (read: my mind) burst.

Mostly, I'm thinking about relationships I've had.. Or haven't had. I'm guessing it's this stage in life when I feel that I have to be in a relationship (of the "couple" kind) which makes up the source of my problem- and my thoughts. Perhaps it's a given that teenage hormones have had some say in what I'm feeling, but I've recognized that it's mostly because my nature is this way.

Perhaps I may be moving too fast. But it's just in me to be a romantic. I want to share with you (whoever you may be) a dream.. or wish, of mine.

Most people want to leave their mark on this world before they pass away and go to wherever. I partly want that, too. But what I really want to do before I die is to get married. Yes, you read that right. I want to get married before I die. I want to "love"- in the traditional, stereotypical sense. That's because I've read that you can't get married anymore in heaven.

There are a lot of things I can live without having to experience, but marriage ("love") is not one of them. IT's surprising. Haha, but that's just me. Maybe I grew up reading too many love stories. (I don't know, I've forgotten a lot.)

So like most of the teenage guys in the world, I'm also girl-crazy. Only I want a deeper relationship. But that doesn't mean I'm not shallow at times. I can be quite shallow, anyone who knows me can attest to that, but I've also longed for a serious relationship.

College has given me a lot of options, a lot of freedoms. It's an introduction to a world where you make your own decisions, and you face the consequences of your decisions. It's a learning experience, but it's not risk-free learning. Already I've gone down some roads that I regret. Already I've taken some paths, made some decisions that hurt.

When you take my deep romanticism and mix it with sudden freedom, what results might be the current state of my life. A trail of destruction.

But things are looking up. I'm learning the virtue of prudence.. I hope. I'm on the right track in my studies and other activities. I'm mending, or trying to mend, broken relationships.

But even though I know it's illogical, what really bugs me is that I haven't found the "one" yet. Naivety and impatience have yet to be unlearned.

And that's the closest I can come to untangling my convoluted thoughts, brought about by old love songs.