Still Musing

On my right, I have two phones. My cellphone lies beside me. In front of me is the computer. I have Yahoo messenger, MSN. I have my Friendster account open. A blog full of links sits waiting in the other tab of my Firefox browser. I have bookmarks of Multiply, of YouTube right before my eyes. I have no lack of tools- yet there is only dead air for companionship.

Dead air and my songs. It's so ironic that I can find no solace in the bleeping world of the Internet, where it seems so easy to connect to everyone else. So many tools for communication, yet nothing to communicate, no one to communicate with.

I've always had a certain aversion to talking with people who aren't right in front of me. Yes, I hate talking on the phone. I tire of text messaging. Instant messengers are bearable, but they have had their fair share of letdowns.

It's so easy to communicate with another person. Yet at the same time, it's hard to start when you feel so distant to the people you are trying to reach out to.

There's more to this entry than what's written, but I can't express it in words anymore. Maybe it's just the overall mood I'm in right now. Memory's a bad bad thing. You can't remember stuff, then you suddenly can't forget things you want to forget.
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It's hard for people, especially me, to stop thinking about their reputations. We naturally fear being outcasts. But that's the source of a lot of our problems. Even people we don't know can affect our thoughts, our moods, our actions. Everyone we think of can cast a shadow on us,even when they don't know it or don't know us.

We build up this certain image we want to show other people, people we want to like us. This image becomes so huge that we become incessantly worried that it will collapse and reveal us for what we really are- our true imperfect selves.
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If only I could say everything I wanted to say without fear of the backlash and reactions.

As it is, only through WinAmp can I release all the pent-up emotions I have inside of me.

Just Musing

Everyone says anyone who looks at the outside prettiness of people are SHALLOW persons. I beg to disagree. If God made people beautiful, there has to be a reason. The reason being so that 2 persons may be attracted to one another and form a bond. Which strengthens or weakens over time depending on their chemistry. Simply put, beauty is the first step towards a relationship.

It's also beautiful to note that beauty is in the eye of the beholder- thus, everyone is beautiful to someone. Everyone's happy, then.

Of course, I could be dead wrong. Then I'd be the only one who'd still be happy. :)
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Eight days of waking up at 5:30 am and groggily getting on the LRT is finally over. I had a ton of fun, though. It's been a pleasure working with the whole EA staff, a pleasure seeing our work positively impact a lot of the campers.

Being a former summer camper myself, I must say that they had more fun this year than I did during 2004. :( Not that it wasn't fun back then, but we didn't have Pasicatchan. It's too bad, but what's important was the friends I got from the camp. Love you guys!

Today's for a bit of rest, then it's summer workshop time tomorrow 'til May 2 for The LaSallian. It might sound tedious except for one thing- We're going to Mimosa Leisure Park in Clark Field! This is going to be one fun workshop.. I hope.
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People always say that mistakes are lessons that can teach us a lot of valuable things. As they say, if people don;t make mistakes, how will they ever learn. I contend: If people do not make mistakes, then they don't need to learn anything. What use is a lesson if you don't need it?

Of course, we're talking about a perfect world where people do not make mistakes, so people have to make mistakes. I contend: Say "Learn to recognize your mistakes" instead.
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I'm bored.

Now That I Have DSL...

Post It Note to Myself: Blog about the "3 Things"
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Anyways, I've finally got photo and video sharing available since I got DSL (YEY!)

Here are my photos on Flickr (Try it, it's nice)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49341930@N00/

And my videos on YOuTube

http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=jenoosia

Have fun :)

And please leave a comment. :)

I'm in a Musical!

Granted, it's an amateur one.

And the video's low-res.

And you can't actually see my "acting" expression.

But it's me in the male lead!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v2RjdC3WUM

Talk Shows on Moot

"Come one, come all, into 1984..."

There's nothing to talk about when life today mirrors life yesterday. Yet there's everything to talk about. Because life today is still as weirdly fascinating as life yesterday. All life is the same, yet all life is different. All these paradoxes come to a moot point, yet all these make for interesting discussion.

Making something out of nothing is supposed to be God's work, but I think humans inherited something from the Pop Up Above- the ability to keep life interesting even when it isn't.

When I look at my life, I see all sorts of cycles and redundancies and repeating events. All sorts of problems and dilemmas rehashed, repackaged into something seemingly different. At the core, though, it's all the same.

But the human condition has always been adaptation. Talk shows with the same topics cast in a different light. Cast with different actors, in different settings.

So, day in and day out, because all life is the same, all life is interesting.
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Again I am gripped with infatuation which I know will soon be nothing more than a distant memory. Yet I make my own life interesting (and headache-inducing) thinking and thinking, when I know what the end result will be.

Is it a case of not learning my lesson? Probably. I guess one of my weaknesses are my emotions.

And it's all her fault- just because she had to have those striking eyes, the cutest button nose- and that incredible smile.

~DLSU CCS Summer Camp '06 Memory~

Palaging Bigo

Ako'y palaging bigo... sa dress code.

Not-So-Dramatic Translation: I always fail to follow the dress code.

Is it me or is it just fate/destiny? Let's see.. I wake up on Monday and get ready to go to the Summer Camp like normal, then when I get there, I suddenly remember everyone was suppose to use their summer camp shirt.

I resolved to do better today, so I listened carefully. First we were supposed to wear semi-formal attire, but then it got changed to "smart-casual." I didn't know what the hell smart-casual was, so someone told me (and everyone else in the room). Quoting him: "Jeans plus a polo plus leather shoes. At least something with a collar."

I showed up exactly in smart-casual attire- everyone else wore semi-formal.

Story of my life.

Old Love Songs, Past Memories, Thinking Out Loud

I can't think of anything to write.

Not that I don't have anything to write- it's the exact opposite. I have a lot of things I can write about. It's just that everything's crowding around in my mind all at the same time. It's weird, this.

Not 30 minutes ago, my mind was clear- blank, even. But it only takes a moment, and poof- the mind is overflowing. Mostly, they're thoughts on the past and future.

It may be a permanent human condition to relive the past. After all, memories are always with us. Unless you're an amnesiac- then you don't count. Sometimes, certain things will trigger that sudden outpouring of memories. It looks like something has made the dam (read: my mind) burst.

Mostly, I'm thinking about relationships I've had.. Or haven't had. I'm guessing it's this stage in life when I feel that I have to be in a relationship (of the "couple" kind) which makes up the source of my problem- and my thoughts. Perhaps it's a given that teenage hormones have had some say in what I'm feeling, but I've recognized that it's mostly because my nature is this way.

Perhaps I may be moving too fast. But it's just in me to be a romantic. I want to share with you (whoever you may be) a dream.. or wish, of mine.

Most people want to leave their mark on this world before they pass away and go to wherever. I partly want that, too. But what I really want to do before I die is to get married. Yes, you read that right. I want to get married before I die. I want to "love"- in the traditional, stereotypical sense. That's because I've read that you can't get married anymore in heaven.

There are a lot of things I can live without having to experience, but marriage ("love") is not one of them. IT's surprising. Haha, but that's just me. Maybe I grew up reading too many love stories. (I don't know, I've forgotten a lot.)

So like most of the teenage guys in the world, I'm also girl-crazy. Only I want a deeper relationship. But that doesn't mean I'm not shallow at times. I can be quite shallow, anyone who knows me can attest to that, but I've also longed for a serious relationship.

College has given me a lot of options, a lot of freedoms. It's an introduction to a world where you make your own decisions, and you face the consequences of your decisions. It's a learning experience, but it's not risk-free learning. Already I've gone down some roads that I regret. Already I've taken some paths, made some decisions that hurt.

When you take my deep romanticism and mix it with sudden freedom, what results might be the current state of my life. A trail of destruction.

But things are looking up. I'm learning the virtue of prudence.. I hope. I'm on the right track in my studies and other activities. I'm mending, or trying to mend, broken relationships.

But even though I know it's illogical, what really bugs me is that I haven't found the "one" yet. Naivety and impatience have yet to be unlearned.

And that's the closest I can come to untangling my convoluted thoughts, brought about by old love songs.

Delayed - Permanently

It's been a while (understatement) since I last posted. Heck, it's been a while since I last surfed the Internet. Crappy time to be disconnected, too. I missed a lot of stuff because: 1.) PLDT Vibe is a crap ISP and 2.) The phone line I'm supposed to use for my DSL sonnection has too many connections, thus the signal is "diffused."

The Internet has been delayed- just like my life.

My third term of college was supposed to be the carefree one, because I'd have already adjusted to the pace of college life. Fat chance, it turned out. Maybe I did too many things at the same time.

[Things I Did At The Same Time]
1. Study
2. Write for The LaSallian
3. Attend leadership training during Saturdays
4. Community service during saturdays (!!)
5. Apply for a position as External Affairs Staff of our college (late in the term)
6. Play video games

As is the natural order of things, I was forced to devote my time to 2 or 3 (Maybe FOUR, bUt CeRtAinLy NOT mOrE!) things, and I ended up doing a gosh darn incredibly, mind-boggling-ly hideous job of juggling them all.

I didn't do well in my studies (incredible understatement), I spent too little time at the newspaper, I skipped attending the seminars, and I missed a lot of staff meetings becaause I wasn't doing well in my studies.

Okay, time to stop borrowing laptops from people in the office, now.

SO there you have it. Life has been delayed permanently.