Boredom

I've done nothing but play my Playstation 2 the past few days. I've been continuing my save in Suikoden III. It's been such a long time since I've played an honest-to-goodness, old-school RPG. None of that MMORPG or Strategy RPG stuff now. I've discovered that I missed my PS2 and the console games I have. I need new ones, fast. I've been too wrapped up in PC games.

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When you're bored, all you have are your thoughts.

I've been thinking a lot. (It figures, I've been bored a lot.)

You know something? I've changed. Not noticeably in some aspects, but still, there's change. For one, I used to like movies like King Kong. Now I try to search for movies with more emphasis on human relationships. That means romantic-comedy-other-genre-stuff-thingies. Although I still like the occasional spy thriller. I just like it when movies offer you food for thought. Is life really like that?

I've also started "trimming" the tree, so to speak. I've been trying to develop the bonds between me and my close friends, and I've been.. cutting off the others, for lack of a better term. I still suffer the occasional peer pressure attack, but for the most part, I don't try to hide the real me anymore. It's too hard, anyway. Like it or not, I don't care anymore. I guess in that aspect, I've been pushing away people who don't like my new attitude.

There's also that sense of "What is my purpose?" Everywhere, I can see people my age doing something big, something grand, then I look at myself. I'm a Star Scholar, but so what? I'm not friggin' good at math, which seems to be THE most important subject for everyone except me. I haven't done anything yet, and it's been 18 years. I need to carve my niche, fast.

Speaking of math, I've madee my choice. Math is, and will always be, a dislike. I will never like it, and so, I will never excel at it. Whatever a Star Scholar stands for, THIS scholar chooses to let go of math and concentrate on the more important things in life, like writing, for instance.

Which leads to the thought that if I won't excel in math, how in the world will I excel in Computer Science?! That's a puzzle I'm still trying to figure out. But I'm thinking along the lines that even computer science needs creativity and imagination, not just number-crunching.

Boredom makes life complicated.

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Tomorrow, I will get to see my high school buddies again. Can't wait. Can't wait.