You Say The Words That I Can't Say

"Every time i think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
While every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say."

- Bizarre Love Triangle

Coming from a weekend (last Friday actually) I spent two of my high school friends, I'm relatively depressed. I had hoped to bring my joy at seeing Jon and Ja again after so long with me, but this week's been gloomy so far.

I was surfing through my WinAmp playlist when I stumbled onto a song entitled (you guessed it!) Bizarre Love Triangle. It really spoke out to me. I'm just a sucker for these old love songs. You know that feeling, like you're suddenly punched in the heart by some old song whose lyrics just sympathized with you? I wonder why they don't make those kinds of songs today.

Anyway, I'm here being gloomy about something that's mostly intangible and in the far far future. I think I'm being a bit silly feeling down. But there we have it.

It's just a weird feeling that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Weird, no? Yeah, but it's how I feel right now. Mostly, it's about the feeling of temporariness. Yes, I have today, probably even tomorrow. But what about tomorrow's tomorrow? Will I still have the people I hold dear? My mind's saying, "No, what you have is temporary." That's what I'm lacking right now- a sense of security.

What with recent events changing a part of my life and all, it's very hard to have security. You wake up one morning to find out that in the space of a few hours, everything has changed, or at least something has changed. You find out that in the space of a dream or a nightmare, someone has gone.

But life goes on, whether we like it or not. Or whether we have security or not.

I wonder when I'll regain my little bubble of security again.