Indefinite Hiatus

NEW BLOG

2006-09-14T17:53:00.000+08:00

http://23cents.blogspot.com

The Buck Stops Here.

2006-09-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

121st Entry.

Last Entry.

Well, I feel that I have given an Emmy-winning performance as a soap opera star featurin my own life, with me as myself. Enough of this.

But, as one McArthur said, I shall return.

I shall perhaps start a new blog, unencumbered by the admittedly large baggage found here. Although, I do feel like I have said some things worthwhile here. Check out my favorite posts. *Wink*

As it stands, my first blog- now archived and a part of my net history.

This Is The Border

2006-08-08T19:18:00.000+08:00

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So.. My last entry, so long ago. My previous entries all starting to look like a rotting pile of crap.

Just like I'm letting my life rot away.

:)

Apathy? Burnout?

I. Just. Don't. Care.Enough. Anymore.

The LaSallian Summer Workshop

2006-05-02T19:57:00.000+08:00

April 29 - May 2, 2006.

I never expected to get so much from this summer workshop with the staff of The LaSallian (our school paper, FYI).

For one, I met a lot of interesting people and new friends. I learned a lot of things, too. AND got to live in a great villa and eat great food for a few days. All for free. Hehe.

So now, I'm back. And I'm raring to go back to our office!

More in detail, next post. Meanwhile, PICS!

http://jenoosia.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Videos coming soon to a YouTube near you.

Still Musing

2006-04-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

On my right, I have two phones. My cellphone lies beside me. In front of me is the computer. I have Yahoo messenger, MSN. I have my Friendster account open. A blog full of links sits waiting in the other tab of my Firefox browser. I have bookmarks of Multiply, of YouTube right before my eyes. I have no lack of tools- yet there is only dead air for companionship.

Dead air and my songs. It's so ironic that I can find no solace in the bleeping world of the Internet, where it seems so easy to connect to everyone else. So many tools for communication, yet nothing to communicate, no one to communicate with.

I've always had a certain aversion to talking with people who aren't right in front of me. Yes, I hate talking on the phone. I tire of text messaging. Instant messengers are bearable, but they have had their fair share of letdowns.

It's so easy to communicate with another person. Yet at the same time, it's hard to start when you feel so distant to the people you are trying to reach out to.

There's more to this entry than what's written, but I can't express it in words anymore. Maybe it's just the overall mood I'm in right now. Memory's a bad bad thing. You can't remember stuff, then you suddenly can't forget things you want to forget.
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It's hard for people, especially me, to stop thinking about their reputations. We naturally fear being outcasts. But that's the source of a lot of our problems. Even people we don't know can affect our thoughts, our moods, our actions. Everyone we think of can cast a shadow on us,even when they don't know it or don't know us.

We build up this certain image we want to show other people, people we want to like us. This image becomes so huge that we become incessantly worried that it will collapse and reveal us for what we really are- our true imperfect selves.
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If only I could say everything I wanted to say without fear of the backlash and reactions.

As it is, only through WinAmp can I release all the pent-up emotions I have inside of me.

Just Musing

2006-04-28T16:21:00.000+08:00

Everyone says anyone who looks at the outside prettiness of people are SHALLOW persons. I beg to disagree. If God made people beautiful, there has to be a reason. The reason being so that 2 persons may be attracted to one another and form a bond. Which strengthens or weakens over time depending on their chemistry. Simply put, beauty is the first step towards a relationship.

It's also beautiful to note that beauty is in the eye of the beholder- thus, everyone is beautiful to someone. Everyone's happy, then.

Of course, I could be dead wrong. Then I'd be the only one who'd still be happy. :)
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Eight days of waking up at 5:30 am and groggily getting on the LRT is finally over. I had a ton of fun, though. It's been a pleasure working with the whole EA staff, a pleasure seeing our work positively impact a lot of the campers.

Being a former summer camper myself, I must say that they had more fun this year than I did during 2004. :( Not that it wasn't fun back then, but we didn't have Pasicatchan. It's too bad, but what's important was the friends I got from the camp. Love you guys!

Today's for a bit of rest, then it's summer workshop time tomorrow 'til May 2 for The LaSallian. It might sound tedious except for one thing- We're going to Mimosa Leisure Park in Clark Field! This is going to be one fun workshop.. I hope.
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People always say that mistakes are lessons that can teach us a lot of valuable things. As they say, if people don;t make mistakes, how will they ever learn. I contend: If people do not make mistakes, then they don't need to learn anything. What use is a lesson if you don't need it?

Of course, we're talking about a perfect world where people do not make mistakes, so people have to make mistakes. I contend: Say "Learn to recognize your mistakes" instead.
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I'm bored.

Now That I Have DSL...

2006-04-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

Post It Note to Myself: Blog about the "3 Things"
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Anyways, I've finally got photo and video sharing available since I got DSL (YEY!)

Here are my photos on Flickr (Try it, it's nice)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49341930@N00/

And my videos on YOuTube

http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=jenoosia

Have fun :)

And please leave a comment. :)

I'm in a Musical!

2006-04-26T21:02:00.000+08:00

Granted, it's an amateur one.

And the video's low-res.

And you can't actually see my "acting" expression.

But it's me in the male lead!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v2RjdC3WUM

Talk Shows on Moot

2006-04-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

"Come one, come all, into 1984..."

There's nothing to talk about when life today mirrors life yesterday. Yet there's everything to talk about. Because life today is still as weirdly fascinating as life yesterday. All life is the same, yet all life is different. All these paradoxes come to a moot point, yet all these make for interesting discussion.

Making something out of nothing is supposed to be God's work, but I think humans inherited something from the Pop Up Above- the ability to keep life interesting even when it isn't.

When I look at my life, I see all sorts of cycles and redundancies and repeating events. All sorts of problems and dilemmas rehashed, repackaged into something seemingly different. At the core, though, it's all the same.

But the human condition has always been adaptation. Talk shows with the same topics cast in a different light. Cast with different actors, in different settings.

So, day in and day out, because all life is the same, all life is interesting.
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Again I am gripped with infatuation which I know will soon be nothing more than a distant memory. Yet I make my own life interesting (and headache-inducing) thinking and thinking, when I know what the end result will be.

Is it a case of not learning my lesson? Probably. I guess one of my weaknesses are my emotions.

And it's all her fault- just because she had to have those striking eyes, the cutest button nose- and that incredible smile.

~DLSU CCS Summer Camp '06 Memory~

Palaging Bigo

2006-04-25T07:22:00.000+08:00

Ako'y palaging bigo... sa dress code.

Not-So-Dramatic Translation: I always fail to follow the dress code.

Is it me or is it just fate/destiny? Let's see.. I wake up on Monday and get ready to go to the Summer Camp like normal, then when I get there, I suddenly remember everyone was suppose to use their summer camp shirt.

I resolved to do better today, so I listened carefully. First we were supposed to wear semi-formal attire, but then it got changed to "smart-casual." I didn't know what the hell smart-casual was, so someone told me (and everyone else in the room). Quoting him: "Jeans plus a polo plus leather shoes. At least something with a collar."

I showed up exactly in smart-casual attire- everyone else wore semi-formal.

Story of my life.

Old Love Songs, Past Memories, Thinking Out Loud

2006-04-21T20:34:00.000+08:00

I can't think of anything to write.

Not that I don't have anything to write- it's the exact opposite. I have a lot of things I can write about. It's just that everything's crowding around in my mind all at the same time. It's weird, this.

Not 30 minutes ago, my mind was clear- blank, even. But it only takes a moment, and poof- the mind is overflowing. Mostly, they're thoughts on the past and future.

It may be a permanent human condition to relive the past. After all, memories are always with us. Unless you're an amnesiac- then you don't count. Sometimes, certain things will trigger that sudden outpouring of memories. It looks like something has made the dam (read: my mind) burst.

Mostly, I'm thinking about relationships I've had.. Or haven't had. I'm guessing it's this stage in life when I feel that I have to be in a relationship (of the "couple" kind) which makes up the source of my problem- and my thoughts. Perhaps it's a given that teenage hormones have had some say in what I'm feeling, but I've recognized that it's mostly because my nature is this way.

Perhaps I may be moving too fast. But it's just in me to be a romantic. I want to share with you (whoever you may be) a dream.. or wish, of mine.

Most people want to leave their mark on this world before they pass away and go to wherever. I partly want that, too. But what I really want to do before I die is to get married. Yes, you read that right. I want to get married before I die. I want to "love"- in the traditional, stereotypical sense. That's because I've read that you can't get married anymore in heaven.

There are a lot of things I can live without having to experience, but marriage ("love") is not one of them. IT's surprising. Haha, but that's just me. Maybe I grew up reading too many love stories. (I don't know, I've forgotten a lot.)

So like most of the teenage guys in the world, I'm also girl-crazy. Only I want a deeper relationship. But that doesn't mean I'm not shallow at times. I can be quite shallow, anyone who knows me can attest to that, but I've also longed for a serious relationship.

College has given me a lot of options, a lot of freedoms. It's an introduction to a world where you make your own decisions, and you face the consequences of your decisions. It's a learning experience, but it's not risk-free learning. Already I've gone down some roads that I regret. Already I've taken some paths, made some decisions that hurt.

When you take my deep romanticism and mix it with sudden freedom, what results might be the current state of my life. A trail of destruction.

But things are looking up. I'm learning the virtue of prudence.. I hope. I'm on the right track in my studies and other activities. I'm mending, or trying to mend, broken relationships.

But even though I know it's illogical, what really bugs me is that I haven't found the "one" yet. Naivety and impatience have yet to be unlearned.

And that's the closest I can come to untangling my convoluted thoughts, brought about by old love songs.

Delayed - Permanently

2006-04-19T15:33:00.000+08:00

It's been a while (understatement) since I last posted. Heck, it's been a while since I last surfed the Internet. Crappy time to be disconnected, too. I missed a lot of stuff because: 1.) PLDT Vibe is a crap ISP and 2.) The phone line I'm supposed to use for my DSL sonnection has too many connections, thus the signal is "diffused."

The Internet has been delayed- just like my life.

My third term of college was supposed to be the carefree one, because I'd have already adjusted to the pace of college life. Fat chance, it turned out. Maybe I did too many things at the same time.

[Things I Did At The Same Time]
1. Study
2. Write for The LaSallian
3. Attend leadership training during Saturdays
4. Community service during saturdays (!!)
5. Apply for a position as External Affairs Staff of our college (late in the term)
6. Play video games

As is the natural order of things, I was forced to devote my time to 2 or 3 (Maybe FOUR, bUt CeRtAinLy NOT mOrE!) things, and I ended up doing a gosh darn incredibly, mind-boggling-ly hideous job of juggling them all.

I didn't do well in my studies (incredible understatement), I spent too little time at the newspaper, I skipped attending the seminars, and I missed a lot of staff meetings becaause I wasn't doing well in my studies.

Okay, time to stop borrowing laptops from people in the office, now.

SO there you have it. Life has been delayed permanently.

Support Good Grammar (Not Grandma)

2006-03-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

Yeah, yeah, the Grandma part's corny.

But the message remains the same: Support Good Grammar.

All too often, too many people posting stuff on the Internet use "txt speak" to communicate. Realize this: Your words are not restricted to whoever you're sending the message to. We too can read that eyesore of a post. Make life easier for everyone, and use proper English.

Harvard-Grade Student

2006-03-20T20:40:00.000+08:00

Oedipus and his ancient story is given a new twist in an essay produced by one of the most striking student minds.

See it. Read it. Weep in the throes of emotion.

The Immortal Essay

Some days just aren't your days

2006-03-19T18:51:00.000+08:00

I was listening to I'm All Out of Love in my WinAmp. I was typing my blog entry for today here while simultaneously reading message board posts on Dota-Allstars.com.

Then my computer restarted because my video card messed up. What a darn shame, huh?

To think that today, out of all days, I had finally resolved to write about something other than my oh-so interesting life. Then things like this happen.

Oh well, what can I do? I can't turn back time, now can I?

Here's what millions of my adoring fans (joking) will miss because of an erring computer.

A Re-telling of Grimm's Fairy Tales - Part 1
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Highlights of my re-telling (that got erased):
1. Snow White is a guy.
2. The Queen banishes Snow White because Snow White refused to commit incest with her.
3. The seven dwarves were female.
4. They weren't miners, they were security guards.
5. They carried sawn-off shotguns.

I only got up to this part, then hell broke loose. SIgh.

Maybe I'll make a Part 2 instead, this time, with proper backup.

The Day is Young

2006-03-18T07:52:00.000+08:00

There's something oddly calming in walking through DLSU in the early morning.

The dawn hours allow fresh sunshine (if sunshine can be called fresh, anyway) to shine through. I often turn meditative during times like these, when there are only a few people milling about, and it seems like the whole university is mine alone. It's a time like this when I'm glad I'm here, in this school. The critics say that DLSU is small, puny even, when compared to other universities. Yet, it's this school's compactness which makes me feel that we are a community.

I pass by every college building on my way to Planet Gox. That's the price of being a computer science major here. My building is on the other end of La Salle. But an early morning walk reveals a lot of things lost in the hustle and bustle of college life. It's Saturday, and the crowds are gone. I can smell the dew on the trees, I can hear the sounds of my footsteps echoing in silent halls.

Everything seems so ethereally beautiful, bathed in the warm glowing light of the morning sun.

Excerpts from ID# 10536272

2006-03-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

Same old thing, day in and day out. Toot goes the scanner, in goes the student. Toot goes the scanner, in goes the student. It's become as much a part of life as, say, brushing teeth. Same old, same old. Open your bags, please.
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jenoosia: Case 1 : kanina naka shackles si centaur na kakampi ko, tinoss ko sya kay rhasta, ung shackles umangat, as in pa effect.
jenoosia: Case 2 : Tinarget ko si Drow ng toss, si Nerubian Sin (omar) ung na toss ko sa kanya, sabay mana burn na lumilipad.
jenoosia: Case 3 : Tinapon ko ung kalaban namin ni Kel, pero si Kel naka patay, may lumutang na +100.
jenoosia: Case 4 : Tinapon ko si Nerub Sin sabay Cyclone ni Rhasta, At the top of the toss na suspend in mid air si nerub.
jenoosia: Case 5 : Pagka BurrowStrike ni SandKing tinoss ko ung creep, lumabas isang sobrang taas na spike sa lupa. Parang eiffel tower na spike kumbaga.

DotA.

Frickin' Defense of the Frickin' Ancients. (Omit the F's, if you will.) Addicting- nauseatingly so. DotA. Just like Counter-Strike during the grade school days. Just like Ragnarok during the high school days. Bane to schoolwork, boon to a young mind in search of relief from everyday toil.

1, 2, 3.. Oh, 500 games played, more or less. P50, P100, the whole DLSU tuition fee wasted, or rather, "invested" into something only minds such as this generation can comprehend.

Yet, if nothing else, pinpoint micromanagement leading to a game-winning play serves to feed an ego constantly in need of feeding. Now if only the girls can appreciate such grace in a game.
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Extracurricular Activities Running Total:

1. Writer, The LaSallian.
2. External Affairs Staff, College of Computer Studies.
3. Participant, Young Executive Series.
4. Member, La Salle Computer Society; Moomedia; ENGLICOM.

Status:

1. Writer - Negative hours of residency required. No communication with editor whatsoever. Proud of latest article: first main article written solo flight. No word when issue will be released yet. Afraid to show face in office due to long absence caused by certain videogame.

2. EA Staffer - Rocky road. Unsure of future stint. Application accepted but still in process of proving self worthy. Staff head has high hopes that can only end in the trashpile along Agno Street.

3. Y.E.S. - Never mind.

4. Member - Hoped to be active. Still inactive. Hoped to have an officership. Still an unknown.

Scoreboard: 0/4

Concluding Remarks: Life as a Frosh, WASTED.
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Speaking of School Studies:

Bachelor of Science in Computer Science, major in Software Technology.

in reality,

Bachelor of Bumming in Computer Shops, major in Cramming Technology.
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Genuine, 100% Certified Fat Guy.

Confirmed by 2 people, one of whom said Fat Guy has only met a few times in a computer store.

Gut hangs out like a melon. Practicing chest out, stomach in, prowess.
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Said Fat Guy cannot hope to win a heart of a fair maiden because of mediocre looks. Having a melon-shaped gut helps things, A LOT.

Said Fat Guy resolves that by next term, Gut has been divided into 4 chiseled abs, or at least one lean gut.
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Speaking of fair maidens:

They catch the eye of many males. Too many males. That is all this guy has to say.
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Dear Mr. Ledger,

How does it feel French kissing a full-blooded male? Is the moolah worth the sensation of a man's tongue poking around the inside of the velveteen inner lining of your mouth? Is the fame worth the said foreign tongue scraping against your teeth, tickling the roof of yon mouth?

Honestly, this guy is just curious.

Sincerely,
XXXXXX
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This guy likes Orange and Lemons. This guy likes Spongecola. This guy, heaven knows, like Cueshe, and their single, Ulan. This guy has grown uncomfortable talking with people whose tastes vary so far from his own. This guy faces being labeled as a poser.

This guy hates people who hate other people for being posers but pose as bad-mouthed ghetto people themselves. This guy hates this kind of people most especially found in blogs overpopulated with expletives.

THis guy likes people who take into consideration other people's feelings. Yet this guy is cruel, sometimes. This guy may hate himself, but more often, this guy pities himself.

THis guy often wonders why, if everyone says he looks like a hunky blockmate, does this guy not inherit even an iota of said hunk's sex appeal.
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TO Whom It May Concern:

I briefly felt caring (female) hands touch mine while I was waiting for a ride home. Though just an old acquaintance from a high school. It felt very alien, being in physical contact.
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Rule of thumb: If you've got a bad feeling, it probably will come through.
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Dear Mr. Gyllenhaal,

Hope I spelled your name correctly. How many times did you rehearse for the kissing scene? Did it ever feel natural? Is Mr. Ledger's mouth tasty?

Just curious, sir. Seeing as I haven't kissed anyone, yet.

P.S. How many other male actors do you think have a mouth worth locking lips with?

Sincerely,
XXXXXX
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Emo Stuff That's Funny Reading:

(Requested by someone on the chatbox.)

Sigh, why can't I find the courage to talk to her? Sometimes, I see her in PE class, all alone, and I keep wondering why she is, because if I was her friend, I fail to see a reason why I shouldn't spend as much time as possible with her. Of course, it could mean that she's taken, maybe by her friend, Mr. LoveIsBlind.

Sometimes I glance at her in DASALGO, sometimes our eyes meet. I always think to myself that I sensed a spark there. If only one or the other would initiate it. But sadly, that part of my life is still closed.

Or maybe I'm just imagining things.
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--->
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----->
Lucky Michael Jackson, all he had to decide was whether to turn completely white from black, or just get his nose fixed.
----->
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--->

Raindrops Fallin' On My Head

2006-03-01T19:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. Perhaps it's the gosh-darn hectic pace of life, perhaps I'm just lazy. I've done so many things that I'm still reeling. Right now though, there's a bit of a rest from turbulence. Time off to take a breath. I'm not yet in the clear, though. There's still a ton of work to do, and I'm not looking forward to it.

Just an update to let random passersby know that I'm still alive. It'll take me a few days to get up the energy to write something substantial.

Raindrops keep falling on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin’ seems to fit
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

So I just did me some talkin’ to the sun
And I said I didn’t like the way he’ got things done
Sleepin’ on the job
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

But there’s one thing I know
The blues he sends to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red
Crying’s not for me
Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothing’s worrying me.

Writer's Block

2006-02-05T20:09:00.000+08:00

Because of writer's block, I have not:

1. Written my article about Taglish for The LaSallian, which is due tomorrow...

2. Blogged about Mike Enriquez and community service, and...

3. Typed an article I'm going to enter in a contest of a newspaper.

Perhaps tomorrow will work out differently. I hope.

Pressure Valve

2006-01-29T18:02:00.000+08:00

I'm under a lot of pressure.

Let's see, there's the writing contest I've been meaning to mail an entry to. Then there's the article I have to write for The LaSallian. Then I've got 2 quizzes to study for this Monday and Wednesday. On top of that, I have to pass a case study in our Data Structures subject, and a project proposal for my Object Oriented Programming class. Whew.

And to finish it off, I've got so many meetings to attend during the week, most of them at night. Guess that's why I haven't had a chance to update my blog in a while.

There's a good pressure valve I can use to release all the pressure I have inside me. That pressure valve is hard work.

I can get down to business and finish doing a lot of things tonight. I might even have some free time tomorrow night if I do so.

However, try as I might, I just can't turn the valve. Inherent laziness always triumphs. So you see, instead of doing my homework, I'm sitting in front of a keyboard and typing in my blog.

Touche.

Featured Blog [1] : The Diaries of an Allergic Reaction

2006-01-25T21:58:00.000+08:00

[Note]
I've decided to start a new "topic" (for lack of a better term) in my blog. Every few days, I'm going to be featuring a blog which I think is pretty darn cool. So it starts.
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"Memories are just like that:
They linger when the person can't."

Being a voracious reader, most of the time I spend on the Internet are on blogs and other written articles I find interesting. I stumbled across this blog a few days ago, and I find myself quite addicted to it.

Raiza Katrina Abubakar's blog seems at first glance a typical girl's blog. Yes, I know I'm sometimes guilty of preconceived judgments (It's my horrible secret). Anyway, once you look (and read) deeper though, you'll find that the thoughts her blog contains are very profound, and very well written. I took the quote above from one of her old posts. Just one of the many lines that will strike out at you from the screen.

Aside from that, her style is solid and unconfused. She writes as only a person with very strong and honest opinions can, and that makes her entries at once serious and humorous. There will come a time a few minutes after you start reading, when you'll suddenly smile at the wistful craziness of life, as seen from her own eyes.

And for aspiring writers (like myself), we can't help but feel a twinge of admiration for a fellow writer who has made her mark in the world with her own unique style of storytelling.

At times crazy fun, at times thoughtful, at time provocative, at times heartwarming- you'll need to use the full range of your emotions when you read The Diaries of an Allergic Reaction.

Visit her blog.

http://www.tabulas.com/~machiavelli03

Something Quirky

2006-01-25T20:54:00.000+08:00

My friend Wale found a weird blog by an anonymous guy.

Check him out.

He's really got something quirky going on in his blog. Check out the comments, too.

I only wish my site traffic could equal even half of his. Sigh.

Blast from the Past?

2006-01-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

Because my Yahoo Messenger suddenly went on the blink, I checked my Firendster account, something I don;t usually do that often.

And..

You know, this is the first time I've realized the power of Friendster.

Sure, sure, it's cool and fun, and friend-ly, but.. what's the use? I can't see the usefulness of the site, although I love playing videogame. (Maybe it's a priorities issue?)

But then, a distant friend suddenly sent me a friend request. After 5+ years of not seeing each other, I was really kinda surprised.

"Woah!" was my first reaction.

"Aww" was my second delayed reaction. "Aww" not because she remembered me (Although, admitttedly.. Hehe, a little bit), but "Aww" because I thought of all my past friends whom I've lost touch with.

Friendster was just bumped one rank higher on my scale.

Dreaming Up Ideas

2006-01-24T18:26:00.000+08:00

In an effort to publicize my blog, I decided to group message my Yahoo Messenger friends about this.

The first effort failed miserably. After a few days, I had the strength to try again. This time it backfired. I forgot that my most recent post was the one below this..

So.

I have a few ideas, including:

1. Emailing everyone in my address book. In my Yahoo and Hotmail accounts.
2. Advertising in all the blogs of all the people I know.
3. Advertising in all the blogs of all the people I don't know but have their addresses.
4. Download a bot that automatically does 2 and 3 for me.
5. Nada..

None of my ideas seem quite... "acceptable."

Oh.. And can anyone dropping by the blog please take a moment to comment? :)

Crushing on Someone

2006-01-23T22:12:00.000+08:00

Bit of a Mischievous Post..

I'm like, totally, like, crushin' on like someone in school. Like, Y'know?

Hehe.. You know me, I'm in all respects, a guy, and as guys, we can't help but crush on someone. I don't know about girls, though. I feel bad for them, because compared with girls, guys aren't nearly as attractive. Hehe. ;)

C. is for that CUTE smile she wears whenever I see her,
R. is for those ROSY cheeks that are just begging to be pinched,
A. is for those ARRESTING eyes of hers that lock you into a gaze,
P. is for her PRETTY face, one glimpse of which instantly makes my day,
G. is GOD please help me meet her :)

Hehe... Up for you to fill in the initials of the name.

Oh yeah. My previous Post, In the Trenches, is kinda inspired by her.

College life in DLSU has its perks. :)

Gawad Kalinga?

2006-01-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

Who would've thunk it? I mean, sure I've heard of GK a lot of times, and been on a lot of outreaches this past few terms in DLSU, but my GK experience last Saturday really stood out. For one, this was the first outreach where I felt we were making an impact. We were helping the workers build houses for the poor in the area, which was somewhere near Manila Bay. I sweated and I carried and I toiled in the hot sun, and I did see concrete results. I guess that's what made this a different outreach, concrete results.

It was a lot of fun, too. Although even I'm surprised I felt that way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll stop with my flame war against a certain someone. (See below post)

But I'll say one thing- Some people just aren't worth it.

However, my friend Red is still frolicking in the beaches of Omaha 1945. Goodspeed, PBM.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Manny Pacquaio TKO'ed Erik Morales in the 10th round of an exciting fight. Proud to be Pinoy :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't do any homework this weekend. Typical.

Silly Girl

2006-01-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

It just goes to show you that it's totally futile to argue with a silly person. A person who reads with her eyes but understands with her ass. I mean, could I have made myself plainer in my previous post?

Never try arguing with a silly person.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Silly Girl

if u want me to "SHUT UP", mind your own business and leave me alone....

sayo narin nggaling "Ayaw mo lang magpatalo." So as long as hindi nyo ako tinitigilan well, i don't think i'll SHUT THE HELL UP......

you kip on saying stop replying, e anong gngawa mo?!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

This was her reply to my message on the previous post. For the record, I only replied once, AND didn't spam the groups as I directly emailed her instead of posting this in the groups..

Haha. Sometimes you have to find something fun to do. However, once in a while, life throws you a situation like this and all you have to do is enjoy it.

So let's enjoy laughing at a silly girl's antics together, :)

*Flames are welcome. Comments are also welcome. Hehe.

Personal Rant

2006-01-19T19:22:00.000+08:00

Taken from my compose mode at Yahoo Mail...
--------------------------------------------------
Just please stop replying already.

Ayaw mo lang magpatalo.

Notice I haven't added any more messages to the groups, and here you are saying we should be good examples. Ano tawag mo sa pagtitigil ko mag reply?

It just bugs me that right after I post a reminder not to sned one liner stuff in the egroups, you replied with not one, but two of them.

So maybe you did reply with two lines instead of one.
Haha. Not.

So, to be rude, para, as you say, TANTANAN ka namin, SHUT THE HELL UP PLEASE.

--- staceyyu wrote:

> Ur askng me not to send spams or whtevr u call it,
> eh ayaw nyo naman
> akong tantanan... ü
>
> if u want me to stop, be a good example and might as
> well stop
> sending spams, comments or whatever....ü
>
> then, I'll shut up..... Ü
>
> --- In catch2T9@yahoogroups.com, MJ Abesamis
> wrote:
> >
> > Quoting two previous messages,
> >
> > Jensen already said something about messages like
> that.. and
> still.. you
> > kept posting SMS-like messages?
> >
> > "Hey I agree with whatever message #xxx said" can
> also
> > be considered spam.
> >
> > can be similar with...
> >
> > "okay.. If that's what you think ^_^"
> >
> > not in sense but, in its category as a spam...
> >
> > that's why Red reacted about your previous
> messages.
> >
> > Not to be rude but.. won't you ever learn?
> >
> > How about reading the messages.. and if you agree,
> and got
> something
> > worthwhile to say or something to add, then
> reply..
> >
> > if you just agree and your idea is that same with
> him.. then..
> don't send a
> > ONE LINER MESAGE..
> >

In the Trenches

2006-01-18T21:18:00.000+08:00

The moment dawned when
I looked at her
Cherry-red lips,
Entrancing smile,
Disheveled tresses,
Knowing eyes,
Lithe figure;
And I started to love.

She wound her way
Along the dusty road,
She conversed
In subdued tones,
With her close circle of friends.
She looked
Unaware of
A stranger's longing gaze,
A stranger's wistful smile.

Unreachable. Untouchable.

A war broke out
Over the current state of the nation-
The nation that was my heart.

She had enveloped herself
In a cocoon of friendship-
And in something else-
In love-
In the love of another who felt like me.
She had them all.
Was what
I was planning to do
Breaking that cocoon?

The moment dawned when
I looked at her
Innocent expression,
Radiant aura,
Happy countenance,
Secure life,
Everything,
And I started to love.

And I started to think.

And I ended up
Losing the battle but winning the war.

Author's (This means me) Note: I have my own interpretation of my poem's ending, but feel free to think of it whichever way you want. (As if I could stop you from doing so.) Kel should know who I'm talking about. (Evil grin)

Life is an Ice Cube...

2006-01-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

... It will melt eventually, but right now, it's cool.
--------------------------------------------------------

College exposes a person to so many different people. Well, I know college exposed me to a lot. Something just hit me during our Volleyball PE period this afternoon when I made a bit of a fool of myself in front of classmates I don't know. Looking at all the Star Scholars in the place (coincidence or conspiracy?), I've just made the realization that whatever talents I have, there will always be someone who'll be better than me. I may write well, but other people write well AND play the gee-tar AND look good ALL at the same time. I can only write well.

It's a humbling realization, to say the least.

In other news,
Youtube - A Place to Share and Watch Videos

Now this site has been taking a lot of my time, mostly because of my insanely-slow dial-up internet speed. I first learned of this site from a blog entry raving about a video showing someone who beat Emerald Weapon (FF7) in little over a minute. Having watched the video, my jaws dropped. Then I started thinking about videos to watch.

I've just finished watching the ending for Fatal Frame 2, the game that Jon will never finish, because we're all too scared to play it. I must admit though, that the game really good at scaring people. The ending's nice, and the song at the finish was really beautiful (although I couldn't understand what it was saying- Japanese).

I also watched a music video of Buffy the Vampire Slayer maded by a fan, for the fans.

Speaking of Buffy, I really miss the show. The Sooby Gang really helped brighten up some of my drab high school days. I especially like their relationships with each other and the witty banter and situations that crop up inevitably.

To modify a quote in the farewell strip of Peanuts:
"Buffy, Angel, Xander, Willow, Spike, Cordelia, Anya, Tara, Oz, Giles, yes, even Jonathan, the guy who had his own little sidestory drama going on- who can ever forget them?"

Har de Har

2006-01-16T21:13:00.000+08:00

Let's see..

I've just finished my first entry in my soon-to-be-revealed fictional blog, although it's only 3 paragraphs. I've managed to make up a rudimentary storyline. Although the story goes as the mood wanders. Har har.

I've got a lot of homework and extracurricular stuff to do, BUT I'm lacking in ambition. I don't have the "drive to strive" (little rhyming fun there, folks). And I've just read in TIME magazine that people with ambition are those we see rise to the top. Maybe so. Help, please?

I want a girlfriend. Har har. ABCD... Har har.
----------------------------------------------

Just something I wanted to share, as this is my first e-group posting in quite a while:
(Taken from my DLSU CCS e-group)

Not to be "rude" (to quote someone here), but some of the past few messages which are quite SMS-like are the reasons why I check that little white box next to the daily digest of this e-group and choose to "Mark it as Read" without even opening it. It's partly why I miss important announcements, because I simply have no patience wading through pages of spam to find the announcements. There's a reason why we have an e-group, to get important announcements, not to read everyone's opinion on the current hot topic. If you have something worthwhile to add, it's cool to share, but if your message is just a reiteration of what has already been said, with the added bonus of being text-message-like in nature, then please forget it. Or better yet, post it in our inactive forums where you can sound off whenever you please. Just a reminder, then. Not all SPAM are forwarded chain letters. Messages like "Hey I agree with whatever message #xxx said" can also be considered spam. Please be considerate to people who don't relish having to clean their inboxes 3 times a day just to find an important announcement. -------------- Har har.

Painted Over

2006-01-15T11:16:00.000+08:00

It's already a new year, although I've been a little late in acknowledging it. 15 Days late?

I've grown accustomed to the tone of my blog, sometimes humorous, sometimes cheesy, sometimes enraged, and its look, always dark.

Haha.

So I decided to remake the look of my blog, and here it is. It looks much cleaner and simpler to me. I was guessing an eyesore from the previous look, to be honest. It felt like a stale joke. Now everything feels so... white.

*winks*

Hecticity

2006-01-12T20:04:00.000+08:00

Hecticity - The state of being hectic.

E.g. "I have achieved critical hecticity."

Saturdays are 8:00 am - 8:30 pm. Can you believe it?

At least it's fun to chill out on a few selected days of the week a.k.a. weekdays, haha. Haha. Ha. Especially during those classes when that college cutee is a few seats over. Haha. Ha.

I'm planning on making a new blog, this time fictional but sort of a satire on my life or something like it. I'll let everyone know when I make my first "novellablog" entry.

It's kinda tiring to report about My Life Today here in my blog, not to mention redundant. Study, Play games, Talk about girls in general, Make fun of each other.. Blah blah blah, the list goes on. But it repeats. No fun.

Bu a fictional blog of a fictional character might brighten up my mediocre evenings. Hoohoo..

Surf Trip

2005-12-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

I didn't have anything to do, I was feeling nostalgic. So I surfed and surfed, starting with blogs and ending with friendster. I miss *some* of the people whose net life I visited.

Some of the sites I visited:

Ralph's Blog (still Kobe, still in Canada :( )
Crissa's Blog (Haha)
Byron'sBlog (Deep)
Inigo's Blog (Deep in a different way)
Red's Blog (Deep in a shallow way:))
Riva's Blog (secret, daw, at least I think so)
Karol's Blog
Pan's Blog (Very direct and forceful Hehe)
Friendster (Lags so bad, and is overrated)
Megan's Friendster Blog (Wow, a French Megan)
Megan's Friendster (Nice pic haha)
Riva's Friendster ('nice' Pic woah)
XiMa's Friendster (till the same old same old)
Louie's Friendster (Aww.. touched ako sa pic)
Megan's Blog (It makes for a good read. *wink*)

I ended up back at my own blog. Whew. It's been a while since I surfed the net this way, although some of the stops I made were impulsive.

Next stop: People from way back, way back.

High School Cliques

2005-12-27T20:33:00.000+08:00

I'm almost finished with Suikoden III, finally. I'm in Chapter 5 and I've just lost all 3 true runes. Darn, I loved that lightning rune. It's been a wild ride, I've been levelling and upgrading equipment for about 2/3 of my 108 characters. Haha.. It's gotten addicting. I've grown attached to some of the characters, too. Now this kind of traditional RPG stuff is what I've been missing since I started playing Ragnarok a few years back. Next on the list of RPGs I currently have and will play again is Xenosaga.

Ultimate Spider-Man though, was a letdown. Short and stupid missions again. Lousy rewards and secrets again. Short storyline again. Sheesh. It's a good thing web swinging is still as addictive as ever, else I would've quit the game early.
------------------------------------------------------

Life becomes funny when you look back at it in hindsight. There's a movie on at HBO, Mean Girls, that I've just watched. And though it overdid some things, it does paint a somewhat accurate picture of high school life, albeit a much shallower one since we're in the Philippines and it's set in the good ol' U.S. of A.

Besides the hot girls in the movie, I had the chance to compare and contrast my real high school life with the fictional high school depicted in the movie. Some allowance must be made here, since high school here isn't really the same with other countries.

The film basically deals with the different cliques that can be found in a typical high school, and how they interact with each other. The interaction in the movie is school-wide. Here, it's more by year level and class, although there is some school wide interaction every so often.

I transferred schools starting my first year of HS. This gave me the opportunity (or disadvantage) of being a new student in school. I could start fresh, start with a clean slate. I remember my first year self thinking that I wouldn't be a nerd anymore, and that I'd be more outgoing. And we all know that I may have achieved the latter, but the former... needs a bit more work. I also remember taking a stroller to class for the first few days, until someone told me that was a no-no. I couldn't bring a stroller to class and be 'cool.' So I ditched the stroller. When you're in high school and you're a new student, you don't ask why.

I found myself being welcomed by the 'cool' clique, or so I christened them. This lasted all of 1 semester. It's not that I disliked my new-found clique, it's just that we sort of had different views of things, although it was really fun hanging out with Allan and the other guys. It's just some of the girls I couldn't stand. In particular, there was this girl named Jane whom I'll admit I had a crush on. (I was blinded by newbie-ness.) Thinking about her now, in hindsight, I would have to say that she makes a great HR manager, because she was just great at manipulating people. The actual experience would be better left untold.

I shifted to another clique, and it was a triummvirate this time. We weren't the 'coolest' but we weren't pariahs, too. Perhaps the best word to describe us would be 'under the radar.' I kept a low profile in my social life, although, with my high grades, it was only a matter of time 'til I got stuck with the 'nerd' label again.

On a side note- yes, I really did study hard that first year of high school. The next 3 years would be the exact opposite though, but I was really studious that year.

Cary and Bible stuck with me 'til the end of my first year of high school, when Bible went abroad to study (He's Korean), and I got accepted into the honors section. That's when I kind of lost touch with Cary and the rest of my first year buddies (Allan, Janice, Stacey, Edelyn and a few others). It wa fun while it lasted, but I was too young back then to have the sense to forge and strengthen bonds of friendship. The turbulent years of puberty sweeps a lot of things away.

Three years in the honors section gave me the chance to normalize, to stabilize, to regain a foothold. Being stuck with each other for 3 years forces you to establish links with other people, whether the links be steel chains or friendship bracelets. From this vantage point of stability, I could observe high school social life in a broader sense. The honors section always had that stigmata of being outcasts, since we were 'set apart' by the school itself, and our image was that of nerds, mostly. That's far from true, though, once I really got to know the class.

As with the broader high school society, our class had cliques too. I was lucky enough to meet the right guys as soon as my second year started. I've looked back then, and I've looked back now, and I can safely say that my clique is the best one for me. I met the coolest people I could ever meet in high school, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Of course, there'd be the jock types. But with one twist. Some of the sports guys were also some of the math guys. You might say there was a paradox lurking somewhere here. There's also the comics, which I strived to become and never quite achieved the status of (comic). Perhaps I tried too hard? Hehe.. Then there'd be the social types. Mostly, these were the girls, and some of the boys. I think the clique I was part of was partly social-type, since my friends would be the ones organizing gimiks and other trips. Then there were the brainy types. Oh who are we kidding. We were all brainy types, and we all were grade conscious. There were 2 subclasses, though. First would be the brainy AND studious. They were the ones who excelled and landed in the top of the class. Then there are the brainy BUT lazy. Sad to say (Although I'm faking it on the sad part), I was one of these, the ones who were mediocre in their grades but could have achieved more IN academics. Of course, my way of thinking was that academics isn't all there is to life, and I can say that although studies were a big part of my high school life, I also had some of the best experiences I will ever have in high school.

Our class though, had another way of defining cliques. This time, it was by leader. Yes, there are leaders, and there are the ones who gather around the leaders, which isn't to say that they are followers. In fact, leaders are leaders only in name, like the banner of a kingdom or some other simile like that. First there'd be those bannered under Jon. I'm one of those. Then there are those bannered around Jed, although I think Harley is the one pulling the strings. Some of these are the jocks-slash-mathnerds, and some are plain good in math. Then there's the Regine clique. Which is like a matriarchal clique. Regine's our valedictorian. There are other assorted cliques, but I'm too lazy to write them out. You get the idea.

The main point is, cliques do exist outside of movies, and I'm no stranger to one. It's just fun to think about the silliness of high school, now that I'm outside the bars and strolling through the zoo.

Terms of Use?

2005-12-24T10:14:00.000+08:00

I had a lot of fun bonding with my high school buddies yesterday. I'd forgotten how wacky we all are, really.

Anyway, something just cracked me up. If you've had an email address and a wise guy friend, chances are you'd have already visited this site --> CrushCalculator

Yep, it's that infamous site where you type in your full name and then your crush's full name, then have the site calculate your love quotient or something like that. Then it turns out to be a spoof site and everything you typed in was sent to the friend who sent you the link to crush calculator. Haha.. Very funny guys. :) But it's been a while since I last got one of these, and I decided to see it through anyway. (Of course I'd be typing bogus stuff, haha) At the bottom of the page, I saw this---> Terms of Use

That's when I had a thought- Maybe the terms of use tips you off that this is a spoof site. Check out the link above to see what it says.

And I had another thought that just made me smile at the uselessness of some things.

No one EVER, ever reads the Terms of Usage of any site. I pity the poor guys who take an hour or three to make lengthy treatises (Look it up, you're using the net for cryin' out loud) that no self-respecting internet veteran would read. Sometimes, though, the Terms of Use do give important information.

Boredom

2005-12-22T18:45:00.000+08:00

I've done nothing but play my Playstation 2 the past few days. I've been continuing my save in Suikoden III. It's been such a long time since I've played an honest-to-goodness, old-school RPG. None of that MMORPG or Strategy RPG stuff now. I've discovered that I missed my PS2 and the console games I have. I need new ones, fast. I've been too wrapped up in PC games.

--------------------------------------------------------

When you're bored, all you have are your thoughts.

I've been thinking a lot. (It figures, I've been bored a lot.)

You know something? I've changed. Not noticeably in some aspects, but still, there's change. For one, I used to like movies like King Kong. Now I try to search for movies with more emphasis on human relationships. That means romantic-comedy-other-genre-stuff-thingies. Although I still like the occasional spy thriller. I just like it when movies offer you food for thought. Is life really like that?

I've also started "trimming" the tree, so to speak. I've been trying to develop the bonds between me and my close friends, and I've been.. cutting off the others, for lack of a better term. I still suffer the occasional peer pressure attack, but for the most part, I don't try to hide the real me anymore. It's too hard, anyway. Like it or not, I don't care anymore. I guess in that aspect, I've been pushing away people who don't like my new attitude.

There's also that sense of "What is my purpose?" Everywhere, I can see people my age doing something big, something grand, then I look at myself. I'm a Star Scholar, but so what? I'm not friggin' good at math, which seems to be THE most important subject for everyone except me. I haven't done anything yet, and it's been 18 years. I need to carve my niche, fast.

Speaking of math, I've madee my choice. Math is, and will always be, a dislike. I will never like it, and so, I will never excel at it. Whatever a Star Scholar stands for, THIS scholar chooses to let go of math and concentrate on the more important things in life, like writing, for instance.

Which leads to the thought that if I won't excel in math, how in the world will I excel in Computer Science?! That's a puzzle I'm still trying to figure out. But I'm thinking along the lines that even computer science needs creativity and imagination, not just number-crunching.

Boredom makes life complicated.

----------------------------------------

Tomorrow, I will get to see my high school buddies again. Can't wait. Can't wait.

Second Term

2005-12-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

Whew.. I have just finished every project, and every exam for the second term of my stay here in La Salle. It was a doozy, this past month. I hardly had time to do anything else aside from my due reports and projects.

The one thing to worry about now is my GPA. I just hope it's higher than or equal to 2.5, or else I'm in big trouble, to state it simply. I'm kind of worried over my INTROSO subject since the darn professor is one Scrooge when it comes to giving high grades.

Meanwhile, I've been too busy to drop by our newspaper's office. I hope my editor won't hold that against me. Sigh.. And I can't wait 'til Friday to pick up my copy of my first solo article (review not counted) in the paper.

One thing I'm excited about is the coming Christmas party/reunion with my high school buddies. It'll be great seeing Jon, Ja, By, Cocoy, Cri, Awi, et. al. after a long hiatus. I can't wait to hear about their Atenean travails, too. Hehe.

Now, it's time to kick back, relax, and let the Christmas vacation refresh me for the next term.

The Noise of Music

2005-11-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

Another essay brought to you by ENGLONE class...

College is sucking the life out of meeeeee...
--------------------------------------------------------

Hard rock, rap, metal. Rhythm ‘n blues, pop, country. Reggae, soul, jazz.

Music. Noise.

It’s the kind of thing people never tire arguing about.

In theory, it’s really very easy to compare noise and music. They’re both sounds. Noise is unpleasant to hear, while music is, well, pleasing to the ears. In application, it’s a little less easy to compare how each person plots the boundaries between noise and music.

There are the standard comparisons. Noise consists of random sounds that are grating to the ears; music has a melody, a tone, a beat. Noise lacks harmony, lacks direction, lacks rhythm. But then, is every song music to every person’s ears?

To some people, the rock genre is what defines music. All other kinds of music are considered as mere playthings, background noise. Rock is the epitome of music. But not all rock is music. Noisemakers range from bands that are unfortunate enough to have clean-cut poster boys as vocalists, to posers who do not truly know what rock is all about. What is rock all about then? Who has the right to define a genre? Is it the so-called connoisseurs and critics who have lived and breathed “rightful” rock? To them, music is the right, or more appropriately, the correct form of rock. All that deviate from this form, christen them as “noise”.

In every variety of music, not just rock, we can always find these persons. Their view of music is black-and-white. A song should follow rigid standards, “music morals”, in order to be considered music. They can hardly hear music through the din of others who have failed their harmony test.

On the other hand, there are many who like music from many genres, and who do not like other music from the same genres. The label of music or noise is then taken song by individual song. To these people, music is simply what makes them laugh, cry, ponder on, and moves them. Noise is simply those songs that blend quite well into the clamor and racket of the background.

Music is so varied nowadays, speaking generally. But music isn’t really that varied, because for every person, there is always a set of tunes that is truly music to their ears; the rest are just noise.

Will She Ever Find Her Way Back Home to Me?

2005-11-17T21:49:00.000+08:00

Yes! :)

Flown Away From Me

2005-11-17T20:23:00.000+08:00

" ‘Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings and made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
Did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me"
- Heaven Knows [Orange and Lemons]

Here I am, insisting that I am right, that I should just stay away. Just stay away from trouble. But here I am, staying away, but only in deed. In my heart, I just can't. It's undeniably tearing me apart when I know that this is for the best that I stay away, yet I also know that somehow, it just isn't complete if I stay away.

Once again, I'm proven right. If I do nothing, you'll do nothing. It's always I who initiates, never you. But being proven right doesn't mean that my feelings of doubt go away. Sometimes, I try staying away so much that all I can think about is you.

I thought I knew what I was doing. =/

Best Friends

2005-11-13T19:05:00.000+08:00

Here's an essay from ENGLONE about something I saw in 10 minutes of walking around the campus.
-------------------------
They hold onto each other’s hands, walking amidst the crowd of students along the cobblestone path in front of St. Joseph Hall. The boy whispers something to his companion; her light laugh carries over to where I sit musing, watching the persons around me. They call themselves best friends.

The boy and the girl stroll along the shaded lane, oblivious to the hustle and bustle of a university’s busy afternoon life. Sunlight illuminates dust motes that swirl around them, illuminates the hurried outlines of people going someplace important. They have not a care for the world existing around them; each only has his attention for the other. Their banter cuts through the din of the throng, soft yet subtly powerful voices rising and falling in pitch; the boy’s deep voice complementing the girl’s mellow tones. The two best friends bask in each other’s company.

They chance upon mutual friends in their lazy meandering. They seem to be unconscious of the jokes and teases directed at them by their buddies. The best friends seem safe and secure in each other’s company. Their smiles speak of a deep connection, a tight bond between them, whose existence only they know.

They walk away from everyone else, lost again in their shared personal world. They call themselves best friends. Perhaps, deep within their hearts, they know that they are already more than that.

Snobs and I

2005-11-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

I've become addicted to another song, this time by Vertical Horizon.

"He's everything you want 
He's everything you need 
He's everything inside of you 
That you wish you could be 
He says all the right things 
At exactly the right time 
But he means nothing to you 
And you don't know why"

-Everything You Want
--------------------------------------------------

What is a snob?

Wikipedia gives the following definition: "A snob, guilty of snobbery or snobbism, is a person who imitates the manners, adopts the world-view and affects the lifestyle of a social class of people to which that person does not by right belong."

I think the snob's mindset is that although he does not "by right" belong to his chosen social class, he belongs to it "by privilege."

I learned a lesson from reading Archie comic books. (On a side note, Archie comic books have been important factors in shaping my heart and soul. Such is the power and wisdom of Archie comics.) Anyway, as I've said, I got an important rule-of-the-thumb from Archie.

"Everyone is a snob, in his or her own way."

I can see the truth in that. A person might be a muscle-type of snob. Another might be a snob of a brainy-type. People are snobs in their own little fields of proficiency, thus my conclusion that snobs belong by privilege.

And myself? I'm a not-studying snob. I pride myself on achieving the status of being able to not study and still get good grades, and stay with people on the same level. Okay, maybe I get lower grades than other people who are as smart as me AND study as well, but for a snob like me, that's besides the point. The point which says that, "Yes, I am better than thou because I can get away with not studying."

There is one drawback to being a not-studying snob, though.

Actually, there are two. One being that people assume that since I get high grades, I study, and thus I am industrious. Which couldn't be farther from the truth of me.

Second, and more importantly, I always think, "What if?" What if I had studied? What if I had paid attention in lectures? Could it be that my high grades obtained from not studying soar even higher just by taking down notes? Could it be that my potential to be great will only stay a potential, and not become realized?

Oh, I guess those are the pitfalls of being a glorified snob. :)

I'm Here in the Now

2005-11-09T08:06:00.000+08:00

I'm here in the now, and it's boring.

I'm sitting across the screen in our The LaSallian office trying to do my religion report. Not much progress there. I find myself strangely drawn to friendster, mainly because I only check my friendster here in the office, as there's nothing better to do.

Anyway, I fooled around with Friendster™ blogs. Here's my firzt entry -->

http://jenoosia.blogs.friendster.com/my_first_friendster_blog/

Enjoy! :)

P.S. After reading my post... Yes, it's THAT boring here.

You Say The Words That I Can't Say

2005-11-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

"Every time i think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
While every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say."

- Bizarre Love Triangle

Coming from a weekend (last Friday actually) I spent two of my high school friends, I'm relatively depressed. I had hoped to bring my joy at seeing Jon and Ja again after so long with me, but this week's been gloomy so far.

I was surfing through my WinAmp playlist when I stumbled onto a song entitled (you guessed it!) Bizarre Love Triangle. It really spoke out to me. I'm just a sucker for these old love songs. You know that feeling, like you're suddenly punched in the heart by some old song whose lyrics just sympathized with you? I wonder why they don't make those kinds of songs today.

Anyway, I'm here being gloomy about something that's mostly intangible and in the far far future. I think I'm being a bit silly feeling down. But there we have it.

It's just a weird feeling that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Weird, no? Yeah, but it's how I feel right now. Mostly, it's about the feeling of temporariness. Yes, I have today, probably even tomorrow. But what about tomorrow's tomorrow? Will I still have the people I hold dear? My mind's saying, "No, what you have is temporary." That's what I'm lacking right now- a sense of security.

What with recent events changing a part of my life and all, it's very hard to have security. You wake up one morning to find out that in the space of a few hours, everything has changed, or at least something has changed. You find out that in the space of a dream or a nightmare, someone has gone.

But life goes on, whether we like it or not. Or whether we have security or not.

I wonder when I'll regain my little bubble of security again.

No Such Thing

2005-11-02T19:57:00.000+08:00

"Welcome to the real world," she said to me, condescendingly.

Life is full of imperfections. Why is this so? One simple reason.

Perfection is relative.

The ideal is relative.

What may be perfect to a person might be less than ideal to someone else. What constitutes perfection in the eyes of one may not be the case in the eyes of another. Some may argue that a perfect square is perfection, others may think that being math-less is perfect. Okay, bad example. The cheesy saying goes, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." In this case, perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

My ideal mate. Would have to be female. But that's obvious. And corny, I suppose.

Since we are talking about ideal mates here, I am going to leave my second's hesitation about sounding stuck-up. After all, one can't scrimp on perfection.

I have this thing (read: fetish) about long hair. My perfect girl has long, shiny hair, for me to play with when we're cuddling. She has the kind of eyes that can speak volumes in one look. Her eyes are never cold, though. She has a well-formed nose and full, red lips. She has a beautiful face, which becomes even more beautiful because she always has on a radiant smile.

My perfect girl is fair in complexion. She is slightly smaller than me, and she carries herself with dignity. Her body is just right, slim, but not too skinny, well-formed, but not fat. I never liked girls with chopstick-thin limbs. Of course, being a full-blooded male, my perfect girl has curves in all the right places. I'm never really particular with measurements, but the sight of her would send shivers down my spine.

My perfect girl is loyal and thoughtful. She knows that I may sometimes feel insecure about her, because she is just so beautiful. She loves me because of my being me. She always reminds me that she is always there for me. She does little things, thoughtful touches that always makes me feel better.

My perfect girl is open. Whenever she has a problem, she always tells me, and I try to help her work it out. Whenever she feels down, or whenever she worries about something, she never hides it from me. I never feel that my help is unwanted. Our relationship is mutual; we both understand that. Both of us have to help each other.

My perfect girl, most of all, is considerate. She understands that even though I sometimes appear to be lazy, that is just my way of handling things. She knows and understands the little things that constitute me. When we are talking, she gives me her full attention. She never makes me feel ignored. She understands that sometimes, I need some time alone to ponder on the mysteries of life. She understands that I will always be corny, and she accepts me for who I am.

She knows my little faults, and my not-so-little faults, and she accepts that though she might be perfect, I am far from being ideal.

She knows how deeply I feel about certain things. She knows that I give my trust freely, that I believe in the kindness of strangers. She knows that I am most afraid, ironically, of being betrayed and ignored by someone I have grown to trust. She knows that I am most afraid of being hurt by those close to me, and she will never do that.

When I am with my perfect girl, I can dispense with pretensions.

When I am with my perfect girl, I can be me.

[Note: this post is our English One homework. The topic is not of my own choosing. Although it turns out that I have a lot to say this time.]

Thinking Out Loud

2005-11-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

Here's a thought:

Has any of my friends ever noticed the fact that I have very strong and emphatic views (bordering on cheesy) on loyalty, trust, and being considerate of people I am with?

I guess I am a Romantic at heart.

I Hope Hell Freezes Over

2005-11-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

October 31, 2005.

Halloween, and the end of my Week from the Bowels of Hell.

Monday to Saturday last week was not fun, neither was it relaxing. But it sure as heck was satisfying after finally tasting the cup of comfort yesterday.

Here's what I had to do the past week:

Monday:
Nothing much. Just a boring day, but I was already being pressured by 3 things. My Sociology report, my Menagerie article and my RELSONE poster. Darn. The pressure was getting to me.

Tuesday:
Oh yeah. After a hectic 2 hours of dance P.E., we proceeded to make our socio report, which was due that same afternoon. How very pulse-pounding. We got through it by the skin of my teeth. (WTF was THAT idiom?!) My head was pounding with the yet unfinished poster and article. After our presentation, we found out that we HAD TO MAKE ANOTHER REPORT ON THURSDAY! About another topic! $^#^%#$%$^!

That night, at around 10:30 pm, I started our RELSONE poster.

Wednesday:
Morning of the 3rd day from hell. We rushed our RELSONE poster, which was really quite decent. That morning left me with a slight headache. Still no report, and no article.

Thursday:
From 8:00 to around 12:00, I toiled on Omar's laptop, making a Word Doc about our report on Socio that my gifted blockmate could transport to powerpoint. I ended up not attending COMPRO2, then finding out that my toil was for nothing. We didn't need to report that day after all. ARG!

At least Omar let me bring the laptop home. I dropped some hints about wanting one. Hehehehe.. Then my editor messaged me in YM. Uh oh.. I had to do my article.. So I started. Then my internet connection went haywire. Sigh. Oh well. I started my article, but around 11:00pm, I started fooling with the laptop. I ended up playing Halo 'til 2:00 am.

Friday:
From 9:00 am to 2:30, I did my article. Those were some of the hardest hours of my life. But I finished it on time, right before my next class, and my head was pounding from the exertion.

When I finally went home, guess what? I had to make another report for Community Service the following day. >_<

----------------------------
And so on. Sigh.

Not only that, but my emotions were in turmoil too. Sheesh.. If this is what college feels like...

It's hard enough to concentrate on your studies, but when some people you consider friends seem to care nothing at all about you, it becomes a recipe for disaster. But anyways, I'm still young. My college life is still starting. In a few years, this will all be forgotten.

But in the meantime, I hope that hell freezes over.

Busy Rambling

2005-10-10T20:10:00.000+08:00

I haven't found the time to post entries on my blog as frequently as I would have wanted. Mainly, this is due to my laziness. I have also been 'busy' with other things. And since my English professor requires us to write a journal, most of my thoughts have been going the way of the pen rather than the keyboard.

I'm busy these days, if by busy we mean doing a lot of nonsense stuff. I've been busy playing DotA, busy going out with the 'guys', busy bumming around. I'm too busy being un-busy. I don't want to think of the future right now. I'm wallowing in a time-stopped world.

I've begun reminiscing about my life in high school. We were carefree then, we had no worries, no obligations. High school is now a bygone era of my life, although I find myself strangely trying to emulate my high school personality.

One thing I won't miss about high school, though, is the need to keep up appearances. The need to always be 'in.' Nowadays I don't care anymore. If people can't accept me without the artificialities of modern life, the hell with them. (It's a continuation of my "new personality", see below.)

Here I am, playing 2-3 games of DotA everyday, honing my skills in yet another online/LAN game I will eventually quit. Well, what can I say? My secret guilty gaming fantasy is to one day pick my choicee of online game and be the best and most popular at it. I shall find a game that I will make a career of. Although if my other fantasy plays out, I'll be the one designing the game instead of playing it.

Fave heroes? Pudge is my man. Vengeful spirit's another recent favorite.

What am I doing these days? Nothing much. I haven't had much chance to hang out with my old barkada Riva and etc. I don't really know if I'm cut out to be a 'follower'. I'm more of the rebel-leader type, like Princess Leia in Star Wars. Although I ain't gay. I think the problem with me is that I like different stuff. I want to be more outspoken. i don't want to have to say "Yes okay we'll do it your way" every time. So there.

I miss you Invictus guys. <3

Complicate

2005-09-28T21:15:00.000+08:00

There are times in your life when things just get too tangled up. Every moment of every day is busy. So many things are happening. You can't keep track of everything that is going on. There are times when you do not know what to do, what to say, what to think.

Now is one such time in my life. It seems like so much is happening so much.

On the one hand, my studies are not doing so well, especially in one subject I thought I'd ace.

On the other, I do not know my relationship with the people I am interacting with everyday.

And on another, my friend Riva is sick with dengue.

There are times when I appreciate the importance of 'Less is more.' I wonder if life gets this complicated back when there weren't so many things.

Do people get complicated as stuff gets complicated?

I find myself trying too hard to please everyone. Too hard. I guess it's my inherent sense of insecurity. I need to know that friends are really friends. I need to know if you like me, or if you hate me. I need to know exactly who my enemies are, and who I can depend on.

I think I turn to videogames because in games, things become simple. You win, or you lose. You're the good guy, or you're the bad guy. That explains my addiction to DotA and CS. That doesn't explain my addiction to Ragnarok (in the past) and the GTA series.

Maybe I need to slow down a bit. I really need to stop trying to please everyone.

Yes, I think that's exactly what I'm going to do. If my new attitude doesn't please you, please take a hike.

Sub-Zero and Gemini

2005-09-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat.

Gemini, a song by Spongecola.

What's the common denominator between the two?

Think for a moment.

...................

...................

The answer:
Both have spawned a whole army of clones!

Sub-Zero is the blue, ice ninja from Mortal Kombat, and one of the 2 original ninjas in MK, together with Scorpion. 3 if you count Reptile as an original ninja.

They were only 2 (or 3). Then came the clones. The red ninja called Ermac. The gray ninja called Smoke. The black ninja called Noob Saibot. The light blue (or is it light green) ninja called Rain. They came, they saw, they padded the cast of a videogame.

The only difference the ninjas had with each other were the names and the colors of their ninja costumes. What a way to create characters! Default body, paint bucket, name corresponding to color.. Voila! New character named Pink Floyd! Funny for a while, irritating in the long run.

What about Gemini?

I liked the original version. I listened to my Spongecola CD a lot earlier this year. Then came the acoustic, or live version. Then came the piano version.

Come on guys! How many ways can you redo a song anyway? The lyrics are getting stale, the vocals are definitely stale, and the song is starting to grind on the ears.

Rehashing a song over and over seems to be the height of laziness. Just what is Spongecola doing these days? Besides clone themselves over and over and over..

People

2005-09-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

"No man is an island."

Ponder. Ponder. Ponder.

Very true, very true. You can't live alone. Mental illness is the probable end of that woebegotten road.

But sometimes, you find that being alone is more preferable.

No one to argue with, no one to worry about, no one to fret on.
No one to tell you what to do, no one to occupy your mind.
No one to dictate your thoughts, no one to impress.
No one to disappoint.
No one to relate to.

Sometimes, being alone is a relief.

But after a while, the relief thins. You find yourself starving for people. You find yourself wishing for someone to argue with, someone to occupy your mind, someone to worry about.

I don't really fancy being cut off from other people. But.. There are just some times that I want to stay away from some people.

I get frustrated trying, just trying. So frustrated that I just give up.

Some people, you want to be friends with. Some people you think you're close with. Some people disappoint you. Disappoint you by brushing you off even though you've been friends for a good while. Disappoint you by not even trying to listen to you. Disappoint you in the fact that you think that you mean a lot more to that person than she lets on, but instead..

That's why my frustration boiled over and I stayed away from some people. But, time passes.

Even though you may not mean much to some people, they may mean much to you.

Unrequited friendship.

Creation Vs. Evolution: My Final Word

2005-09-15T10:18:00.000+08:00

Evolution is jsut too dicey because it centers on random chance of mutations actually being helpful.

Chance is not enough to churn out human beings with bodies infinitely more complicated than man-made things invented by man.

Creationism VS. Evolutionism: It Gets Personal

2005-09-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

QUOTE(thetitus @ Sep 13 2005, 08:51 AM)
--------------START OF HIS POST------------------

i'm not quoting your entire post, but here are a few articles refuting whatever 'evidence' for young-earth creationism you have.

they've fallen into two catagories:
false evidence for a young earth

and

things 'wrong' with evolution. now, tell me: why is a problem with evolution PROOF for creationism?

first: see this article about the compatability of christianity and evolution: see here

second: as to the age of the earth, see here
and, specifically on the polonium halos,
see here

thirdly: for a refutation of your appendix assertions, see
here

i find it stupid that you even try to postulate that the bible is a valid historical source - it's noted to be fairly accurate in the new testament, but the old testament is notably inaccurate - the majority of it is religious parable!

this isn't a case of 'open mindedness', it's a case of scientific veracity - creationism isn't even falsifiable! to present it side by side on a SCIENTIFIC standpoint with evolution is absurd. it's a completely faith-based endeavour.

----------------------END OF HIS POST----------------------

Let's get one thing straight. I do not consider problems concerning evolution to be EVIDENCE against creation.

Here's what I do think: Most people like you judge it as such because, as I've said, let's face it, evolution is the norm. Would you be willing to even look for valid evidence with regards to creationism?

That's why creationists often find it easier to poke holes into the evolutionist theory. BECAUSE People like you do not have any background at all in creationism, and have absolutely no interest of doing so.

Secondly, you bring up an interesting point in the veracity of the Old Testament. What I was talking about in my post about archaeological findings corresponding to the Bible was actually referring to the Old Testament. And since you pointed out that the New Testament also figures reliably with many people, Thanks.

Another point I've found out is that the links we gave all stem from rival sites. There is absolutely no way I can contradict one or another. I'm just giving examples of evidence which most people, including you would not even know if someone didn't bother to try justifying creationist theory to you.

By the way, I find it interesting that, at least in the minority, creationism has been "accepted" as a theory, albeit a very unpopular one, opposed to evolutionism, thus warranting refution to evidence, discussions, and debates such as this one. Considering that it is "preposterous" and "stupid" to even postulate that etc. etc..

And therein lies the main fact of the matter. Due to the fact that creationism is based on the Bible, it instantly becomes unworthy of further examination for most people, like you.

Thus the "I find it stupid that you..." statements.

I'm not a scientist, heck, I just entered college. But what I know is that history is written by the winners. And in this case, evolution seems to be the winner, because in the eyes of most people, like you, evolution IS history.

Creation Vs. Evolution: Part 2

2005-09-10T14:00:00.000+08:00

My second post on the topic:

I guess what I'm trying to say is that evolution is considered a science to most people, because of certain evidences pointing out that the theory may be correct, but most people do not consider creationism a science. Why is that? Because the main evidence thought of by people used in justifying creationism is the Bible. Which is not to say that creationism does not have other evidence, as you seem to be pointing out. Back to the Bible, I believe it's the most significant reason why creationist theory is in the minority. Simply because the Bible has religious roots, thus a theory based on religious roots automatically invalidates it as science in the eyes of many people.

There's also the fact that most people who support evolution do not believe in the Bible. That's another reason why creationism may never become mainstream. But that's not my point.

Religion - An organized system of belief that generally seeks to understand purpose, meaning, goals, and methods of spiritual things. Spiritual things.

Think of the Bible as having other uses other than spiritual things. After all, it contains numerous histories of different people and places. Now search for archaeological discoveries that have given credence to the Bible's histories. There are many of these, and no archaeological discovery has yet to discredit the Bible.

Thus, seeing as parts of the Bible are true, why shouldn't it be correct to assume that the whole of it is true? Therefore, creationist theory arose from this thinking.

My point here? Creationist theory is based on the Bible.

If you do not at least keep an open mind as to the Bible's authencity, creationist theory will never make sense to you.

That alone disqualifies most people.

But as I've said, the Bible is thought to be the main evidence of creationism. But here I digress. The Bible may be a basis for creationist theory, but that doesn't mean that that is all the evidence the theory gives.

The problem is that, due to evolution's widespread acceptance, new evidence pointing out to creationism as a valid theory is often IGNORED. Thus, the only way to seek attention is to contradict evidence that supports evolution by way of finding inconsistencies in the evidence given by evolution.

And, as everyone in this thread can tell you, did not work, because instead of disproving evidence for evolution, what creationists got was scorn. For, as you say, having no independent evidence, and instead relying on disproving evolutionist theories.

--------------------------------

Some evidence pointing to the validity of a creationist theory:

I. Evidence for A yound Earth - Polonium Halos in Granite and Coal

Etched within Earth's foundation rocks — the granites — are beautiful microspheres of coloration, halos, produced by the radioactive decay of primordial polonium, which is known to have only a fleeting existence.

The following simple analogy will show how these polonium microspheres — or halos — contradict the evolutionary belief that granites formed as hot magma slowly cooled over millions of years. To the contrary, this analogy demonstrates how these halos provide unambiguous evidence of both an almost instantaneous creation of granites and the young age of the earth.

A speck of polonium in molten rock can be compared to an Alka-Seltzer dropped into a glass of water. The beginning of effervescence is equated to the moment that polonium atoms began to emit radiactive particles. In molten rock the traces of those radioactive particles would disappear as quickly as the Alka-Seltzer bubbles in water. But if the water were instantly frozen, the bubbles would be preserved. Likewise, polonium halos could have formed only if the rapidly "effervescing" specks of polonium had been instantly encased in solid rock.

An exceedingly large number of polonium halos are embedded in granites around the world. Just as frozen Alka-Seltzer bubbles would be clear evidence of the quick-freezing of the water, so are these many polonium halos undeniable evidence that a sea of primordial matter quickly "froze" into solid granite.

The occurrence of these polonium halos, then, distinctly implies that our earth was formed in a very short time.

II. The Human Appendix

The human vermiform appendix
A general surgeon’s reflections

by J. Warwick Glover

The appendix is commonly referred to as a classic example of a vestigial organ. Such a statement implies that the appendix represents a vestige of an organ with a former greater existence in the evolutionary sense, rather than in an earlier stage of its development.

It was because of Charles Darwin’s ‘Descent of Man’ (1871)11 in fact, that the vermiform caecal appendage became widely regarded as a rudimentary organ representing the much more developed distal caecum present (if evolution is assumed) in man’s more herbivorous ancestors.

(cut portions of text.)

Only A Few Diverse Mammals Possess An Appendix

In a study of the alimentary tracts of animals we find the appendix is not present in any invertebrate. Among the vertebrates, it is absent in fish, amphibians, reptiles, birds and most mammals. In fact, the vermiform appendix, recognised as a worm-like, narrow extension beginning abruptly at the caecal apex (see Fig. 1 again) is only present in a few marsupials such as the wombat and South American opossum, a few rodents (rabbits and rats) and few primates (only the anthropoid apes and man). Note that monkeys do not have such an organ.2,7,10,17

Taking any evolutionary tree an evolutionist cares to suggest, and trying to correlate the appearance and disappearance of the appendix with such a tree, is impossible. A typical defence is either to argue that soft parts don’t fossilise and things must have been different in the past (evolutionists then ignoring their cherished axiom ‘The present is the key to the past’), or calling upon ‘convergent evolution’, which is a type of explain-anything phrase without mechanism that is frequently used to defy the above obvious type of mosaicism.

The Evolutionist Has A Mammoth Problem

If formerly the evolutionist had the appendix going and now has it coming, he cannot explain why it is first present in some marsupial animals like the wombat, but absent in all the mammals between the wombat and apes and man, apart from the rabbit and a few rodents, and especially explaining the absence in monkeys.

Evolutionary postulations would have us believe that a tailed mammal without an appendix gave rise to a monkey with a tail but still without an appendix, which then gave rise to an ape without a tail but with an appendix, and then on to man where the appendix has developed to the extreme! Although an oversimplification, the above exemplifies the incredible problem the evolutionist now has with his supposedly vestigial appendix. With one argument he has us believing it’s going and with the other it’s coming. Perhaps it is neither going nor coming.

The Creationist Viewpoint

The fiat creationist would expect various kinds of animals to have alimentary tracts based on a common design, with modifications and specialisations on that basic blueprint being made in appropriate areas.19 Such alterations would still be according to plan and purpose, and conforming to the structural and functional needs of the organism in question in its natural environment. The organism would also have an inbuilt ability to adapt within a fixed range to allow for growth to maturity and adjustment to environmental variations. The caecum and appendix, when viewed as separate but related specialised entities in structure and function in the digestive tracts of different animal kinds, do not contradict creationist expectations.

In summary therefore, the human vermiform appendix appears to be a complex and organised structure both in its development and maturation, and almost certainly has corresponding complexity in its functions which, like most gastrointestinal functions, are still awaiting further clarification. It would appear that the functions of the appendix would be most important when the organ itself has most prominence, and this is in the developing foetus and early existence after birth. The inside of the bowel is outside the body and the area where substances foreign to it have their greatest chance of attack. The appendix appears to be strategically placed and structurally composed of tissues which are vital in establishing and maintaining the various types of body defences or immunity necessary in recognition of such assaults and having a part to play in their repulsion. The appendix is thus one of the guardians of the internal environment of the body from the hostile external environment.
Conclusions

The vermiform appendix occurs only in a few diverse mammals.

This supports the view that among animal kinds with respect to the occurrence of such a particular and specialised feature one sees mosaicism in its distribution with discontinuity between animal kinds. A careful assessment of the embryology of the appendix in humans indicates that quantitatively it has a very early and rapid development during the critical stages of bowel growth and organisation. However, microscopically the tissues of the appendix are complicated and highly specialised, but this qualitative aspect of the organ’s growth does not occur until just after birth when the neonate takes on essential bacteria to reside in its colon.

The appendix would appear to have a role (although not as the sole organ) in establishing and maintaining the bowel-blood barrier for such bacteria in its area. The special aspects of the mucus produced in this area (the antibacterial paint-like action) along with the appendix figuring in the development of its region have been discussed. It has also been shown that the appendix can in no way be vestigial in an evolutionary sense. The hallmarks of the appendix thus appear to be creative design and organisation as if it is formed according to a plan to play a specific purpose. If one studies any organ or organism in the living world, one comes across such a discontinuous and mosaic distribution of structural and functional features among animal kinds. The features for structure and function go hand in glove with each other, obeying sound principles of design engineering and organisation yet possessing incredible functional capacities. Notwithstanding such features, there is also an economy of effort to achieve them and within the system an inherent beauty.

For the full text, for people who can understand technical biology..
Here.

------------------------------------------

Creationists and evolutionists all have the same evidence—the same facts. Think about it: we all have the same earth, the same fossil layers, the same animals and plants, the same stars—the facts are all the same.

The difference is in the way we all interpret the facts. And why do we interpret facts differently? Because we start with different presuppositions. These are things that are assumed to be true, without being able to prove them. These then become the basis for other conclusions. All reasoning is based on presuppositions (also called axioms). This becomes especially relevant when dealing with past events.

Thus the presuppositions that stem from either side.

----------------------------------------------
Here's another article on chance.

"The argument from probability that life could not form by natural processes but must have been created is sometimes acknowledged by evolutionists as a strong argument.1 The probability of the chance formation of a hypothetical functional ‘simple’ cell, given all the ingredients, is acknowledged2 to be worse than 1 in 1057800. This is a chance of 1 in a number with 57,800 zeros.

These numbers defy our ability to comprehend their size. Fred Hoyle, British mathematician and astronomer, has used analogies to try to convey the immensity of the problem. For example, Hoyle said the probability of the formation of just one of the many proteins on which life depends is comparable to that of the solar system packed full of blind people randomly shuffling Rubik’s cubes all arriving at the solution at the same time3—and this is the chance of getting only one of the 400 or more proteins of the hypothetical minimum cell proposed by the evolutionists (real world ‘simple’ bacteria have about 2,000 proteins and are incredibly complex). As Hoyle points out, the program of the cell, encoded on the DNA, is also needed. In other words, life could not form by natural (random) processes.

Evolutionists often try to bluff their way out of this problem by using analogies to argue that improbable things happen every day, so why should the naturalistic origin of life be considered impossible. For example, they say the odds of winning the lottery are pretty remote, but someone wins it every week. Or, the chances of getting the particular arrangement of cards obtained by shuffling a deck is remote, but a rare combination happens every time the cards are shuffled. Or the arrangement of the sand grains in a pile of sand obtained by randomly pouring the sand is extremely complex, but this complex and improbable arrangement did occur as a result of random processes. Or the exact combination and arrangement of people walking across a busy city street is highly improbable, but such improbable arrangements happen all the time. So they argue from these analogies to try to dilute the force of this powerful argument for creation.

You probably realize there is something illogical about this line of argument. But what is it?

In all the analogies cited above, there has to be an outcome. Someone has to win the lottery. There will be an arrangement of cards. There will be a pile of sand. There will be people walking across the busy street. By contrast, in the processes by which life is supposed to have formed, there need not necessarily be an outcome. Indeed the probabilities argue against any outcome. That is the whole point of the argument. But then the evolutionist may counter that it did happen because we are here! This is circular reasoning at its worst.

Note several other things about these analogies:

Creationists do not argue that life is merely complex, but that it is ordered in such a way as to defy a natural explanation. The order in the proteins and DNA of living things is independent of the properties of the chemicals of which they consist—unlike an ice crystal where the structure results from the properties of the water molecule. The order in living things parallels that in printed books where the information is not contained in the ink, or even in the letters, but in the complex arrangement of letters which make up words, words which make up sentences, sentences which make up paragraphs, paragraphs which make up chapters and chapters which make up books. These components of written language respectively parallel the nucleic acid bases, codons, genes, operons, chromosomes and genomes which make up the genetic programs of living cells.

The order in living things shows they are the product of intelligence. The result of the lottery draw is clearly the result of a random selection—unless family members of the lottery supervisor consistently win! Then we would conclude that the draw has not been random—it is not the result of a random process, but the result of an intelligent agent.

The arrangement of cards resulting from shuffling would not normally suggest anything other than a random process. However, if all the cards were ordered by their suits from lowest to highest, we would logically conclude that an intelligent agent arranged them (or ‘stacked the deck’ in card-playing parlance) because such an arrangement is highly unlikely from genuine shuffling—a random, non-intelligent process.

The arrangement of the sand grains in a pile would not normally suggest it resulted from intelligent activity rather than natural processes. However, if all the sand grains were lined up in single file, or were in a neat rectangle, we would attribute this to an intelligent agent, or a machine made by an intelligent agent, as this would not be likely from a natural process.

The arrangement of people crossing a busy street would not normally suggest anything other than a random process. However, if all the people were ordered from shortest to tallest, or some other ordered arrangement, we would suspect that an intelligent agent was responsible for putting them in this order—that it did not result from chance. If 20 people were arranged from shortest to tallest, the odds of this happening by chance are less than one in a billion, billion (1018), so it would be reasonable to conclude that such an ordered arrangement was not due to chance whereas there would be nothing to suggest intelligent involvement if there was no meaningful pattern to the arrangement of people.

Many scientists today claim that an invisible ‘intelligent cause’ is outside the realm of ‘real’ science. These scientists have redefined science as naturalism (nature is all there is). However, scientists recognise the evidence for an invisible intelligent agent when it suits them. For example, forensic science determines if past events were the result of accident or plan and purpose (‘Who done it?’). The Piltdown ape-man fraud was discovered, after some 40 years and numerous postgraduate research theses, when researchers had the opportunity to examine the original bones and not just replicas, and they noticed file marks on the teeth.4 Such marks do not happen by natural processes and the researchers recognised the involvement of a human (intelligent) agent—a hoaxer."

---------------------

And yes, assumptions are not necessarily basis for circular arguments, but in this case, assumptions make an argument circular.

Quote from DonExodus himself:

"You do realize by saying there was an Earth 540 million years ago youre assuming creationism is false before you make your first statement."

In this case, both evolution and creationism have relied on presuppositions. Thus unless one presupposition contradicts the other, there will really be no clear winner.

Creation VS. Evolution

2005-09-09T22:47:00.000+08:00

Of all places, I found this ongoing debate about the 2 topics in a DotA forum.

And here's my post:

--------------------------------------------

Well, to put my 2 cents in, I believe that both evolution and creationism are [I]faiths[/I].

Faith, defined as:

- the persuasion of the mind that a certain statement is true. Its primary idea is trust. A thing is true, and therefore worthy of trust. It admits of many degrees up to full assurance of faith, in accordance with the evidence on which it rests.

Yes, evolution has been shown to have "evidence" to support it.

Yes, most of the "evidence" is plausible.

But keep in mind that the evidence "uncovered" by evolution is far from complete. Evolution is still a theory. And yes, so is the Cell Theory, and other theories now accepted as "fact". But these theories are still theories because [i]they have not been fully proven[/i].

We see that to accept a theory as truth requires people to accept the present merits of the theory, ie. the evidence, as good enough to support the theory despite other questions still unanswered. This, to some degree, requires belief. And belief is a foundation for faith.

What I'm trying to say is that, looking at the debate, [i]both[/i] sides are making do with assumptions that theirs is the truth.

There's a phrase that describes it. Circular reasoning.

For example, arguments of evolutionists that use the "fact" that the universe has existed for billions of years.

To make the above statement as fact, the theory of evolution has to be assumed true. Therefore, there is no validity in an argument for something that uses "facts" which are supported, ironically, by the theory being argued for.

Therefore, a bit of faith is required to substantiate the theory of evolution.

Creationism.

However the case may be, creationism also touches on circular reasoning.

The main factor in the majority's dislike for creationism is the fact that it is based on the Bible. Of course, for people of different religions or agnostics and atheists, this one factor instantly proves that creationism is false.

But we can take this example and say that creationists assume the Bible to be true. Therefore, since the Bible is true, creationism is true. Wham Bam, there you go, the creationism equivalent to circular reasoning.

However, whatever people may think of the Bible, the fact stands that archaeological discoveries have supported some of the text written down in the book. And despite being considered by a lot of people as a book of myths, the fact stands that the Bible has not yet been proven wrong by overwhelming evidence.

"How can you say that? Evolution clearly disproves the Bible."

Yes, but evolution is a theory that must be taken with a grain of faith.

And so is creationism.

-------------------------------------

[QUOTE="DonExodus"]The fact that it made it to theory is a strong argument for its existence.[/QUOTE]

An argument, yes. Fact, no.

[QUOTE="DonExodus"]2) Common Sense. If you believe evolution, you must believe in the driving force behind it: Natural selection. Conversely, if you believe in Natural Selection, you must also believe in its net result: evolution.[/QUOTE]

Believe is the operative word here. Plus, a lot of things do not make sense. But are they any less real than things that make sense?

[QUOTE="DonExodus"]1) The Fossil Record. From Olduvai Gorge to the Leakeys, its all there. Millions of years of it, transitional species included. This also refutes the creationism theory that the earth was created thousands, not millions of years ago, as carbon dating has shown otherwise.[/QUOTE]

As carbon dating, [i]relative to evolutionary theory[/i] has shown otherwise.

[QUOTE="DonExodus"]3) There are no transitional fossils. This is garbage, and pure fabrication of the facts.[/QUOTE]

"Pure fabrication of the facts" can also be a description for some transitional fossils which turned out to be hoaxes. Do not mistake the previous statement as a generalization.

[QUOTE="DonExodus"]4) How can life originate? Its so complex, how could this have randomly happened? Theres a misunderstanding here. Im not debating evolution vs. intelligen design. However, thermodynamically speaking, every single reaction in our bodies is the physically expected result. If you put these molecules together repeatedly, this is what will happen every time. No thought is required, its a simple reaction. Furthermore, complex biological molecules have been synthesized in the lab from ancient earth conditions. You have the building blocks, all it takes is the perfect combination at the perfect time. In billions of years, its probable.[/QUOTE]

Again, the argument that uses the fact that the earth existed for billions of years. Yes, it might have [i]possibly[/i] existed for that long.

"How can life originate? Its so complex, how could this have randomly happened?"

There is no misunderstanding here. This is not about intelligent design. This argument is about the probabilities of successful mutation.

[quote="DonExodus"]You do realize by saying there was an Earth 540 million years ago youre assuming creationism is false before you make your first statement.[/quote]

You've said it yourself. Assumptions in no way make a theory true, or false. Assumptions are just that, assuming something to be true, or otherwise.

[QUOTE="mr44mag"]
[quote]and Mag, How could the time possibly be infinite? We live in a world of Finites. The only thing I can think of being infinite besides God, is the universe, and I'm not really sure the universe is infinite.[/quote]

Thinking in such human terms. There's no possible way you could know one way or the other. For some reason infinity seems logical to me but w/e.[/quote]

Thinking in such human terms means you assume that their is some higher being.

[QUOTE="mr44mag"]
[quote]As for RNA being formed of basic elements...true, but could it spontaneously form from the base chemicals without living material there, and become a living being? No.[/quote]

???
I think you need more biology lessons. I'm no teacher but basically the RNA can form with only basic elements with the right temperature and environment. All you have to do is hit the right code for it to produce for of itself. Viola! You have ogranic matter that can become a living organism. Life is a organic machine, its possible to form it through a fluke of nature.[/quote]

3 words. Fluke of nature. Fluke meaning that it is not in the scheme of nature.

[QUOTE]It's been show that it is possible to create amino acids by passing a few sparks in a jar with the neccessary elements decads ago.[/QUOTE]

As anyone can tell you, amino acids are, in no way, alive.

[QUOTE="BlueisIMBA"]
However, creationism does not challenge this sort of evolution. Macroevolution, the theory that entire species evolve into completely different ones, has yet to be satisfactorily proven to me. Sure, you can prove that those finches evolved into many different kinds of finches with different beaks. However, you can't prove that these finches evolved into say, a penguin or even a sparrow, let alone a fish or squirrel or something drastically different like that. Dogs may have evolved into many species of dog. But you'll never see anyone claiming that dogs could have evolved into anteaters.

There IS a difference between these two kinds of evolution - one is rather widely accepted and the other is far from proven. The only true fallacy in my opinion is thinking that one proves the other.[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, and i feel that this is a valid point to be raised.

[QUOTE]WHere did the idea of creationsim come from? I mean until a few years ago i had never heard of it, and from my knowledge its only taugh in america and only in the religiously dominated areas and even in some of those areas its stronly debated. So where did it come from?

Oh im for evolution.[/QUOTE]

See this post? This is exactly the reason why creationist diehards are clamoring for a change in the way evolution is taught in schools. For a subject as controversial as the theory of evolution, it is not right to jsut spoonfeed it into the minds of children without even acknowledging the fact that it is, at its roots, a theory.

[QUOTE="DonExodus"]It came from the bible. Some people were gullible enough to take it literally, and would actually have it taught to our students over evolution. **COUGH COUGH CHURCH AND STATE COUGH**[/QUOTE]

I disagree with the obvious bias of this statement, but I do agree that creationism shouldn't be taught as fact in schools, just as evolution shouldn't have been taught as fact. At best, although this will never happen, both should be taught as theories.

[QUOTE]This still doesn't explain to me the fact of how the eye was "assembled" in evolution.

I guess the main point i am trying to make is that the eye is made up of many different parts (cornea, lens, pupil, etc.). I know for a fact that not all these parts evolved at the same period in time.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]
That's exactly the theory. The cornea, the lens, the pupil each have individual benefits. (Or whatever came first has it's own). I haven't studied the specific example of the evolution of the eye; it'll take some research. However, I know that scientists claim that eyesight has evolved *independently* many times (don't ask me to explain it right now, I need to look it up)!

..contnued...

They're not independent. The retina is the most critical component for vision. The other parts *improve* visual sensing by the retina.
And if it's advantageous (i.e. "greater than the sum of the parts"), it would make sense to evolve interdependence between the parts of the eyes.[/QUOTE]

Circular reasoning. The rebuttals assume that evolution "knows" which comes first.

And lookit the reply of the other guy..

[QUOTE]
Way to contradict yourself. Well I now have to question the validity of every arguement you make from now on.[/QUOTE]

I'm not the only one who noticed the contradictions here.

[QUOTE]
Religion is religion, and Science is science. Although Science might not entirely agree with works like the Bible, that doesn't mean that it's "wrong".[/QUOTE]

And vice-versa. Due to obvious bias, you forgot to put that one line in.

[QUOTE]Science has "proven" many things before proving them wrong.[/QUOTE]

'Nuff said.

[QUOTE]
I find it amusing that so many pro-evolution arguments today are so adamant about making it clear that they do not deal with the origins of life. I get the feeling that this line of arguments has been dropped because they realize it is increasingly difficult to come up with a reasonable scientific explanation. At any rate, if origin of life issues are removed from evolutionist arguments, why are you picking a fight with creationism? Creationism by definition, is a theory about the origins of life, namely through its creation by God. If you refuse to debate over the origins of life, you've removed the majority if not all of the debate.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]I guess I just don't understand how christians can not believe in the existence of evolution, and yet in doing so place their faith in such things like this. I find it harder to believe, looking at the myriad of living thngs on earth today and the breath of the universe, and the sheer complexity of life, that it all came about through a massive grand plan of an unknown greater entity rather than chance and evolution.[/QUOTE]

The former post followed by the latter's reply to the former says it all. Both sides have made their assumptions. Both sides, in their own minds, have won.

-----------------------------------

To sum it up, both sides have assumed they are correct. Both sides believe their theory to be viable. Due to the assumptions and beliefs made, the debate is irreconcilable.

Because both have become things of faith.

-----------------------------------

By the way, I am a Christian. I believe in creationism, (as if that wasn't obvious by the way I posted.) LOL.

The Geek Within Us All

2005-09-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

== A Brief Summary of My Gaming History ==
Grade 4 and past : Playstation / Gameboy
Grade 5 - 6 : Counter-Strike

1st Year HS : Battle Realms / Counter-Strike
2nd - 3rd Year HS : Ragnarok Online
4th Year HS : Playstation 2 / Counter-Strike

1st Year College : Defense of the Ancients a.k.a. DotA
==================================

As I look back into the swirling mists of my colorful videogaming past, I see a pattern emerging. For those of you who have bad memories of the Ateneo entrance exam and its infamous pattern tests, fear not. This is an easy pattern. (Don't they all say that?)

Anyway.. I have just found out that I really love competing against other people. Or killing, which I think is more appropriate.

Oh sure, one-player RPGs are cool. As a matter of fact, my favorite games are all one-player games. I loved Final Fantasy 7, I loved Metal Gear Solid.. Heck, I loved Pokemon Yellow! And yes, I did complete the Pokedex. And it was one of the proudest moments of my pre-adolescent life. So yeah.. I loved all these cool games of yesteryear.

And along came a spider.. In the form of a videogame called Counter-Strike. Oh Yes. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Thus began the bloody days of my birth into the chaotic multiplayer arena. I can hardly remember the first few times I started playing CS. But I can bloody hell imagine the tomfoolery going on. Whenever i see CS noobs playing, I always try to refrain from laughing, because I must've looked at least as ridiculous as them. I can still remember dodging gunfire and strafing.. in real life. I was actually moving my body in sync with my virtual self. Such was the all-absorbing power of Counter-Strike.

I also remember sneaking out after studying at my tutor for a quick game of CS. Who cared if I was just a Grade 5 student and it was already one in the morning. I needed a quick fix of CS, come hell or high water. Those were wild times. I can still remember snatches of The Corrs and All the Love in the World playing in those internet cafes. And getting caught by my parents was a regular occurence. So regular in fact, that it didn't bother me that much in the end.

First year high school. We changed schools. There were no internet cafes near the school. Well actually, there was one. But it was heavily fortified by posters announcing that "Minors are not allowed to play during school hours." Or something like that.

We got a new computer. I started playing a strategy game, Battle Realms, sort of a Warcraft II lite. And though I played a few games against the AI, nothing beat the satisfaction of owning my friends in LAN games. And since CS was still a big part of the scene back then, I continued honing my mad skillz in the sniper rifle and Carbine.

The next year, the first Massively-Multiplayer Online RPG in the Philippines was released. At first, I was doubtful of the merits of a game which had me paying for every second I stayed in the game world. However, since Ragnarok was still in beta testing phase, I finally couldn't resist playing. And I was hooked again. I started life out as a merchant, because that was the only class my group of friends didn't have. I was the resident go-to guy for discounts. I had fun.. But life as a trader soon grew stale for me. I wanted to kill people. And so, I started reading around. I soon found out that the merchant's second job, the blacksmith, was a powerful fighter. Eager to start, I also soon found out that my first character had already been broken by my ignorance when I first started playing. And so.. I made a new merchant, then blacksmith, then semi-killing-machine.

People often post replies in Ragnarok message boards saying that everyone had their own reasons why they played RO. For the life of me, I couldn't understand those people who just wanted to hunt monsters and socialize. I came in with only one goal in mind- to fight against other people. And of course, best them. And I think there came a golden age in my Ragnarok life when I did feel that I achieved my goal.

But.. People move on. I ended my Ragnarok life when almost everyone I knew had already left, and partly, when my money ran out. But I don't regret a single cent I paid. For all the shortcomings of Ragnarok Online, I still had a blast playing my first MMORPG. I suspect I shall be playing a lot of other MMORPGs in the future, after I have the cash and the technology needed. Forget chugging along as dial-up speeds, I want speeds in the Mbps range.

Fourth year of high school. I was almost broke. I went back to single-player games, with the occasional fragfest of Counter-Strike. I got hooked on the Grand Theft Auto games, especially because of the freedom I encountered in playing those games. Plus the incredible story and the unforgettable characters.

But after a few exemplary single-player games, I started harking for more multiplayer stuff.

It's now my first year of college. I went back to Counter-Strike during my early weeks in college. CS still doesn't seem stale, after all these years. The quintessential shooter. But then, I discovered my newfound passion. Defense of the Ancients. DotA. And now I find myself once again, a beginner, a novice, a noob. But I am enjoying myself immensely playing this game.

I suspect that it shall be a mere matter of months before I become a pro DotA player, and start owning other people. Until then, my continuing education beckons.

iAmGeek.

Post Script To Myself

2005-08-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

P.S. to future self:

This is your past self talking to you.

Yes, I know we've both had our problems, both had our difficulties. Who knows? By the time you reread this, or re-reread this, you could be in the difficulty of our lives.

I just want to remind you to take it slow. Life's not meant to be gobbled up in a few months' time. Take your time. Enjoy the small things. Play your videogames. Immerse yourself in books. Go forth and shoot the 3-pointers.

Don't ever forget the fun-loving you. Don't ever forget the joker within you. Remember: there's a reason why you love comedies. There's a reason why you never think a joke's corny.

You have inside you the heart of an innocent joker. If there ever is such a thing. What I wanted to say was, you laugh your heart out at every genuinely funny joke, "corny" or not.

Don't let anyone stop you from laughing. Don't let yourself be influenced by people who think that jokes are corny and love is cheesy.

Never ever think of love as cheesy. You are a romantic by heart. Do not let that go.

Let people say what they want to say. It's their life, after all. Not yours. And vice-versa. So don't tell other people what to do, and don't let other people dictate your actions. LEt them live their life. Go live yours to the fullest.

Life's not fair. Yes it gets repetitious, but we both keep forgetting. I guess the only remedy for this is optimism. Never get pessimistic. Always remember that there's a silver lining in every dark cloud. Or something.

Don't throw away your identity because of a few people. Don't throw away your personality because of your peers.

We both have been guilty in the past. I look back at our past entries, at each nugget of personalized history embedded in this blog. I am not proud of some of the things we did. But realize this: Continue writing. This blog is like a pensieve. It organizes our thoughts so that we can think better. So that we can find it in ourselves to do the right thing, whatever it is.

Keep things simple. Do not presume to know everyone's thoughts. And do not let people presume that they know yours.

Find true friends. Never let them go.

Conflict is inevitable. Let go of people who say they are your friends but do not act like it. In the long run, the hurt shall fade.

Never be ashamed of who you are. I write this to you, future self, in a state of half-shame. But I just realized that there is nothing to be ashamed about.

Do not follow the footsteps of your peers who have adopted pretension as their son. Be true to yourself. Say what you really feel. Remember Dr. Seuss who said, "Be who you are, say what you feel, because the ones that mind don't matter, and the ones that matter don't mind."

You have lost something. You have lost the unconditional trust you once had for everyone. Regain it. It is better to trust and be fooled than to always remain in a state of doubt. The ones who matter won't betray your trust anyway. Let the rumormongers seek deceit.

In essence:
Never lose the part of yourself that is innocent and free from pretension. Naive sometimes, hell, most of the time, but innocent nonetheless.

I hope that the next time you read this, we shall both have been satisfied by who we are.

This Was Supposed To Be A Frothy Entry

2005-08-30T20:17:00.000+08:00

By frothy, I mean happy, light, bubbly.

I was halfway through describing my "reunion: with my HS friends (By the way, I really had fun. Thanks guys!), but I somehow lost the will to write.

I lost my frothiness.

It seems like everytime I start to post.. I lose my energy. Thus the famine of entries.

Thus the wasteland which my blog has become.

Now I keep wondering, whatever happened to the good ol' days?

Days when life wasn't as complicated as now. When life was fun.

Oh sure, I have fun days, but they come fewer and farther between. Why is that? Isn't college supposed to be the funnest, the most incredible, the ultimate?

Here I am again, bemoaning my lot in life. Yes, yes, compared to others, I live a fortunate life. But I can't help wondering why a lot of stuff are f*cked up now.

I'm talking about people.

Of course it always comes down to people. After all, a few billion of us are scattered around the whole world.

My point is: When the hell did people get so complicated?

It really bugs me to watch my relationships with other people unravel because of simple misunderstandings. Simple to me, yes. But when did such a simple sentence like "Don't tell anyone what we talked about" become so complicated that I have to spend 5 minutes elucidating that single sentence to the person?

Complications abound. Yet if we stop to think about it, everything's just peachy simple. What happened to life as i know it one year ago?

Am I missing something? Aren't these people the same students who freakin' passed their college entrance exams? Who freakin' had enough brains to reach college?

Did I miss a fact? Did I miss an announcement that said: "Everyone in college, stop using your brain." Or did I miss the alien invasion that sucked up everyone's minds?

I may seem harsh, and I am harsh, but I'm really stumped on this one.

Maybe I'm just having a very rude awakening to the "real world." A world where complication is the new simplification.

If that's so, then I see no reason to wake up. Sweet dreams.

hkasRsklfjIjkddhVjkdfljAjsd

2005-08-24T16:29:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted... A lot of things have happened.

It's the middle of finals week. But actually, for me, the end's in sight. Only one more final exam tomorrow, then it's our term break. Yipee..

Sigh.. Days like this always make me depressed.

Well anyway, I think I did well in the past 2 exams.. Although I may be in danger in our Math exam..

I'm now spending free time playing DotA. I guess leaving online gameplay and Counter-Strike has forced me to get into another game. It's just too bad that my uber expert friend Omar keeps wiping me and my teammates' faces on his butt.. (Eww did I just write that?) Even in a 4 on 1.. Very frustrating.. Someday, I too shall find some people I can own.. :D

And I also had a lot of ups and downs..
--------------------------------------------

I now find myself combating the threat posed by.. Uncertainty. Fear its writhing tentacles of doom.

Yes, I keep having doubts about everything.

Mostly, I keep having doubts about people. I keep having these thoughts that my friends are just using me, or they do not need me. And other things to that effect.

I guess everything I'm feeling boils down to this: Uncertainty.

Yes, fear the tentacles.

-------------------------------------------------
That's why I'm looking forward to this Sunday's gimmick with my high school friends. No uncertainty there..

Mixed-Up

2005-08-14T21:44:00.000+08:00

Probably the most common emotion.

More common than anger.
More common than love.
More common than.. [insert random emotion here]

One moment you're estatic because you're mixed-up emotions were wrong. The next moment you come crashing down to earth. And it's kinda annoying because it happens quite often that one minute you're down in the dumps, and the next you're flying through the air.

Haha. I hate being mixed up, but I'm mixed up quite often. Maybe I think I hate myself, but in reality, I hate the state I am in. I don't know, I'm no Sigmund Freud.

But it seems pretty weird because of all the range of emotions people can choose from, they have to settle for a mixture of everything.

Maybe that's why we love halo-halo so much, eh?

Week End.

2005-08-13T18:09:00.000+08:00

I used to hate weekends.

I used to hate today especially.

I guess all it takes is the guts to have the initiative, instead of waiting.

Now I still find weekends boring, but at least I've stopped feeling this bad.

I'm happy right now. Happy, that in spite of everything that's happened, I still have my friends with me. I realized that instead of being a friend myself, I've become selfish. I'll be the first to admit that. I want to be there for her, but instead, added more burden on her shoulders. I won't do that again. That's a promise I intend to keep.

---------------------------------------------------------

There's a touching scene in the 6th episode of Ichigo 100%, the only episode so far that has nothing to do with the male libido.

This girl Nishino is 'celebrating' her birthday. But in reality, she's depressed because she wants to spend time with this boy named Manaka. But they don't meet very much now that they're in different schools. So she goes out with a friend to do some shopping. It turns out that her friend was just setting her up with a blind date, a senior at her school. The said guy then tries to kiss her but Nishino kicks him in the face. He tells Nishino that in this generation, kisses aren't that big a deal. HE even tells her, "A kiss is just like a handshake." Nishino gets upset and bolts. She hasn't even been kissed before.

So she decides to call Manaka and meet up with him. Manaka gets worried because it's late at night and Nishino sounded desperate. When he finally meets her, she's holding 2 slices of cake. Manaka forgets that it's her birthday but Nishino doesn't mind. He's here now, with her. After they eat, Nishino thanks Manaka.

Then she asks him to shake hands with her.

Nishino leaves Manaka confused and unsure of what just happened.
----------------------------------------------------------

Yes, it may sound cheesy to some.

I've always loved cheese, myself.

Week End

2005-08-13T10:56:00.000+08:00

I used to like weekends.

Back in high school, weekends were the only days when I could rest, relax, and play videogames.

I now find weekends boring.

I miss the hectic day-to-day activities of college life. I'm having so much fun, even though I admit that some of my classes are boring. Thankfully, with only three classes a day, I have a lot of spare time to spend.

I hate this weekend especially.

It's 2 days of having nothing to do.
It's 2 days of time wasted instead of time being spento mending relationships.
It's 2 days of being away from...

Sigh.

Rain

2005-08-12T16:51:00.000+08:00

I saw three bubbles floating on a puddle of water.
The rain was beating down on the earth.
Two of the bubbles were quickly burst by the falling drops of rain.
The third bubble managed to slip in and out of the raindrops threatening to burst it.
It tried so hard.
After a few seconds, the final bubble burst.

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't know what happened today.

I tried my best to forget yesterday. I tried my best to make it work. Well, it did work, at least at the start. I thought to myself, maybe I can get over this hurdle.

But in the end, Yoda was right. Do or do not, there is no try.

It started after lunch. Depressingly, it started right after I thought to myself that things were okay.

It was the little things that did me in, I think. Little things I noticed, like the fact that she didn't show the least interest in what I was saying. It's either that, or she's deaf. I don't know. If she IS deaf, then I really haven't known her THAT well.

Break--- I just remembered one thing she told me. "The first term is almost over, and I still don't know you," she said. I remembered being a little bit hurt, that after all the conversations we had, she didn't think of me as a close friend. But then she laughed. I still wonder sometimes whether she meant it as a joke or as a serious thing.
End of break----

Where was I? Little things.. Like while we were waiting for photocopied notes, We sat together on the steps. Then she walked away. After that, she didn't even try talking to me. The whole time I was sitting there, she talked with every group of people near me. Every group. All except me. I know I probably should've tried talking to her then, but I was stopped by the thought that if she didn't care enough to talk to me of her own will, then maybe I was wrong about everything I thought about her.

There I was, the drama of my life replaying in my head, fermenting. I know I shouldn't have thought of things that way, but I couldn't stop myself. I kept wondering about all the little things she said to me, all the little actions she did. The little things that she did while she was with me and the little things that she did when she was with other people. Little things like taking me for granted. I had begun to notice that she was taking me for granted whenever there were other people around. I do not, and I might be getting paranoid in my old age.

I guess I just got fed up being the one who always tries. It's not like we were strangers. I know we haven't been friends that long, but I still thought of her as being a close friend. What she thought of me, I do not know. And I wonder if it's a blessing that I do not know.

It all came to a head.

I guess she really didn't think anything was wrong. I got fed up. I reacted rashly. I shouted at her, asking why if seemed that she didn't want to talk to me. Knowing that I couldn't take back my words, I walked away. She tried to ask me why I was angry. "Oi, why are you angry?" Again.. That "Oi." She tried a different tack and said, "Don't be angry" or "Sorry" I don't want to remember. I really wanted to talk to her then. To tell her what I really felt.

I think it was my pride that stopped me from doing so. Sigh. I guess I really didn't think she would understand my reasoning- that friends were supposed to take care of each other, that friends would never ignore each other, that friends are people whom you can really turn to.

We were supposed to watch Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Or play Dance Mania. I didn't think I could function that well now that I was angst-y and all. So I split.

Now I'm here in the office of The LaSallian, fulfilling my residency requirement. I have been moping around in the office, acting like a weirdo. I didn't even have the strength to smile.

I do not want to lose her. I have to face that fact. Maybe it will help me pick up the broken pieces of our friendship and glue them back together.

I don't want to sweat the small stuff.
She's not worth losing over them.

Life Today

2005-08-11T18:38:00.000+08:00

Before today was yesterday, and before yesterday was yesterday's yesterday.

So there I was slaving away for the past two days on my Computer Programming I [COMPRO1] machine project [MP]. I was supposed to be programming a "2 - player card game quite similar to Pusoy," to quote the words of wisdom that can be found on my MP specifications. Let's see.. when I finally finished, I found out that I had typed in 1207 lines of code in my version 1, plus an additional 69 lines of code for my version 2, not counting copy-pasted stuff, for a grand total of... 1276 lines! Thus ended the creation of my first-ever Machine Project and full-blown program. I shall forever remember 'Grimace Poker,' named after our COMPRO1 professor who is quite cool, but dresses like Grimace.. Green and purple.. O_O

One more note of interest: After 5 years of searching, I have finally found an mp3 of BoA's song Every Heart, which I fell in love with way back in first year high school during a Taiwan study tour. I still regret not buying her album. Sighs.. But yes! I finally succeeded in finding the darn song!
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Today:

I just deleted everything I wrote here. I don't know why, but after finishing dinner, I reread this and found a lack of emotion. This post was really meant to be a "catharsis" post. I needed to let out some emotion and I don't think my prim and proper post did the job.

So I found my good friend Chris in YM who was willing to let me rant on his IM window so..I just copy pasted my monologue.

And please, DO NOT POST COMMENTS ABOUT : Bitchy, whine psots, very emotional, keep your cool, you're too sensitive, cool down, you're not making any sense, this is not fun to read, etc. As I said, I NEED TO LET THIS FEELING OUT. If I let it out in real life, I might do something I regret. Whistles... Words of support are ok though HAHAHAHAHA

So here's my.. er. very very one-sided rant.

jenoosia: patuloy tuloy na ito a.. (parang telenovela)
jenoosia: kasi parang kanina kasama ko sya sa lrt parating nauuna d man lang naghihintay tapos ayun dun sa lrt parang d kmi magkakilala dko alam kuing ako lang yun o malay ba tapos
jenoosia: dun naman papunta sa pe bldg meet namin si TOOT tapos ayun parang inbisibol na ako tapos ayun same thing rin d man lang naghihintay
jenoosia: tapos ayun dun na sa pe bldg tapos may maraming times na im trying to say something or in the middle of something tapos ayun bigla lang either change topic or d papansinin ang sinabi
jenoosia: tapos parang weird minsan d ako naririnig malay ko ba tapos..
jenoosia: kanina sa swimming i tried to forget the previous stuff tapos ok na
jenoosia: pero afterwards parang same old same old parin tapos ayun dko na alam pano mag react
jenoosia: ni try ko naman sabihin sa kanya pero parang d nya narinig (?)
jenoosia: tapos naasar ako ayun kain kmi dun sa resto sa may fix na salon tapos na babad trip na ako
jenoosia: tapos afterwards parang malay ko ba nairita ako sa sinabi nya "punta na AKO sa lab" kasi parang nakalimutan nya na may kasama sya namely ako punta kmi sa lab nasa akin pa nga envelop nya tapos p[arang naiinip na sya
jenoosia: tapos ayun nainis ako umalis ako agad
jenoosia: tapos habang papunta ako sa lab nag catch up sya sakin tapos "oi galit ka ba sakin?"
jenoosia: tapos parang mejo bad trip ako dko alam pano sabihin sa kanya tapos parang sabi ko wala wala mamaya na
jenoosia: tapos parang biglang nawalan ng attention sakin ang weird nh?
jenoosia: tapos the next thing i know parang tawa tawa na sya sa likod may kausap
jenoosia: tapos ayun mas na bad trip ako kakausapin man lang ako isang statement lang.. bka dahil sa reply ko pero parang weird parin i dunno kung ako sya iba ginawa ko probably
jenoosia: tapos ayun nsa lab kmi prang nkalimutan na nya ka badtripan ko bigla lang ako tinanong about ung ni text mo sa kanya parang "wla lang, i dont care if ur angry attitude' o malay ko ba
jenoosia: tapos ayun mas badtrip ako sa kanya
jenoosia: tapos after mag lab more of the same thing ignore, lipat attention, limut stuff
jenoosia: ayun sa huli dko na makayanan nung tinanong mo kung may away tapos nag reply siya ng dko narinig by the way d ako galit sau a
jenoosia: after that nag isip pa ako ayoko pa umuwi pero kung ganun rin ang kalabasan, umuwi nlng ako parang d rin ako magiging masaya kasama
jenoosia: and one more thing bat sya parati nagsisimula ng sentence ng "OI OI!"
jenoosia: kahit text man o ym o kahit IN PERSOn
jenoosia: ako parang "hi" o "morning" o "hello" sya naman "OI, etc etc" "Oi blah blah
jenoosia: la man lang greeting or something d ko alam kung ako lang un o soemthign else
jenoosia: (end)
jenoosia: "Bat may times as in parang langit kung magkasama kami tapos biglang mawawala dahil maiirita ako o malay ko ba what else?" pero thats not a question that just the confused state of my mind.
jenoosia: its just that sometimes ung pagkabata nya parang sumosobra.. uber short attention span, INSENSITIVE..
jenoosia: sigh,, weird, life is, confusing, also

And that was that, with Tagalog mixed in and grammatical errors galore.. Now I can go to sleep early, after two days of MP hell.

G'Night to everyone.

Random Thoughts Part Infinity

2005-08-08T19:19:00.000+08:00

These days, I find myself not wanting to blog about my life.

It's kinda weird because the past few days have given me a lot of things to think about. They had their ups and downs, but I think I came off unscratched and whole, for the most part.

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Oh yeah, Now that I think about it, I've been eally busy the past few days. Which is probably the reason for my unbloggableness.. :o Or something. I actually read from another guy's blog about a term he calls Writer's Blog. It's just like Writer's block but for bloggers.

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Another reason for the lack of entries here is because of my meanderings through other people's blogs. It amazed me to see how deep some of the blogs I read were. It was an eye opener for me. I think I may have contracted Blogger's Envy.

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Today, I realized something. I have unknowingly hurt two of my friends and blockmates. To you guys, a very heartfelt sorry for being unconsciously cruel in my 'jokes.' I swear it won't happen again.

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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Dismissed by some as a money-making tool by J.K. Rowling. Dismissed by others as a 'lite' novel. While they may have some basis behind their claims, the fact is that Harry Potter are just so darn enjoyable to read. You never know what twists the story will turn next.

Personally, I love the world behind the novel.

The one thing HP has, and in large amounts, is teenage angst. Which is understandable. 17 years old and not having any angst is what's unbelievable.

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Complicated, life is.

Psychoanalysis

2005-08-04T20:45:00.000+08:00

Allow me a rant before I proceed. My PC is acting up. Sigh. It keeps restarting for some odd reason. Even though it's just booting up. Or like when I'm in the middle of a blog entry. Sigh. Video card problems, it says. At least my hard drive's safe. Small comfort.

----------------------------

I think I secretly, or at least unconsciously, wish to become a psychologist.

I just can't stop psychoanalyzing small things that people around me do. I don't know if many people experience this, too, but my "secret ambition" is getting on my nerves.

It's turning me into some weird, half-crazed, paranoid, overreactive freak.

It's causing havoc both in me and in my relationships. Grr...

As if I didn't have enough problems to deal with.

At times, it's as if the only thing occupying my mind is some small thing that a friend did a while ago. Analysing it. Buchering it into small bits, trying to decide what that person really meant when he said or did that small thing. I often forget that I myself am hardly responsible for habits long since taken for granted. I often forget that I myself don't really think of what I am doing at all times.

That is why, I must nip this psychologist thing in the bud.

Plus one to the resolutions list.

[I originally planned to write a deeper entry. I don't know. I guess the blog mood has passed me by. It could be the PC problems I'm having, or it could be the sushi I had for dinner.]

Stimuli

2005-07-29T20:19:00.000+08:00

Due to a lack of stimuli, I am lethargic tonight.
Due to a lack of stimuli, I hadn't planned on writing an entry because..
Due to a lack of stimuli, I find myself at a loss for coherent thoughts.

However, a stimulus arrived at last that prompted me to think about stimuli in general. Mind-bending stuff? Not really. If the topic was mind-bending, my mind would have snapped in half before the first word was typed.

My status now:
crushed by boredom. murdered by unfulfilled obligations. shredded by laziness. stabbed by loneliness. pierced by hopelessness. Etc. Etc.

So.. what stimulates me? What makes me get up in the morning? What gives me a reason to do things? What are my stimuli?

I guess people make up much of my stimuli.

People.
Friends. Foes. Authority figures. All of them exert a certain amount of adrenaline into my flagging system. Like going to school for instance. Sure, I go because I want to study stuff. But what about the stuff I don't feel like studying? I guess I'm kind of forced to go because of authority figures. But I think I go to school mainly for my friends. So yeah.. I guess friends make up a big part of my 'Adrenaline Rush.'

Friends.
Of course there are friends. And then there are.. 'more-than-friends' friends. i guess I should change the 'are' to 'is' and take off the 's' in 'friends'. 'Cause there's only one. Wahahaha.. Alright alright.. say it with me guys.. WHUTEVAH!!!!

"More-than-friends" friend.
Er.. Need i say more? Anyone who doesn't have a stone heart probably has experienced this to a lesser of greater degree. Suffice to say, She IS my motivation. *Cheesy moment*

There are people stimuli. P.S. for short. Then there are...
"i-dont-know-what-title-to-give" stimuli.

Or... to make it simple.. "other" stimuli.

Like er.. um... my ggoals and dreams. Real or imagined.

Okay. i suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore. The 'other' stimuli are boring anyways..

Haha.. O well.

Stay

2005-07-27T20:14:00.000+08:00

I believe
We shouldn't let the moment pass us by
Life's too short
We shouldn't wait for the water to run dry.

Think about it
Cause we only have one chance at destiny
All I'm asking
Could it possibly be you and me?

So if you'd still go I'll understand
Could you give me something just to hold on to?
And if you'd stay I'll hold your hand
Cause I'm truly madly crazy in love with you.

Love.

What is it? How is it? Is it? Can we even define it? Should we even attempt to define it?

I guess if love needs a cliche to stay in, it would be, "Love cannot be defined by all the cliches in the world." I shall one day die, but cliches shall remain.

I am a cliched person. Cheesy, I am. I believe in a lot of stuff only meant for naive children.

I believe in trust, in the inherent goodness of a stranger. I'd like to believe that everyone starts out essentially good. Although I don't think that's possible.

I believe in the power of love. I believe everything cheesy about love. I believe that there exists a person in the whole wide world who is perfect for me. I believe that love can conquer all.

Back to love in general.

I do believe that to love is to risk. What I find hard to do is to take words to action. To love is to risk, yet sometimes it seems that the risks are greater. It always seems that way at first, before you even take the risk.

But in the end, the risks are taken, because no one can live without love. A person who thinks he is above love is not living, he's just existing.

Nothing can compare to the feeling of being in love.
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Just read and reread. Sucks. Oh well.

Birthday Parties

2005-07-25T16:32:00.000+08:00

First, a big thanks to everyone who came and everyone who remembered that 18 years ago, a guy named Jensen was born. :o

Well, I can honestly say that yesterday was one of my happiest birthday celebrations.

Of course, it was because of everyone who went. Hehe..

Our family car became a shuttle service :D 'Cause my house was a long way from 'civilization.' So there. But I enjoyed every minute of the rides. I picked up my DLSU buddies first. Omar, Riva and Chris. Then on we went to my high school buddy Jon's house, where my other high school buds were waiting. It was incredibly nice to see them all again- Them being Jon, Ja, By, Cri, Awi, Cocoy, Gi, Rizza and Ralph. Too bad Gi had to do a project with her friends.. Oh well.. Thanks for trying to come anyway! :D

So there. It was kinda cramped, but we had fun. And my friends were interacting with each other which is always FUN. :D

The rest of the birthday party was cooool.. I won't go into the details here, but I hoped my guests had fun. Although some things I had planned to do weren't available because of er.. 'technical difficulties'. Hehe.. But I think my DLSU and HS friends really got along well. Even though they come from different backgrounds.

They tell me the food was great, too. =D

The shuttle ride afterwards was also fun.. And I'm so sorry to my friends who were affected due to my lateness... Hehe.. Sorry guys.. And I had a blast 'reconnecting' with Cri.. I've missed you ! :D LEt's have mroe 'fun' conversations in the future. I'm raring for our next HS reunion. Rawr!

Thanks again to everyone and their gifts.. HEEHEHEHEHEHEH... I'm having a blast listening to Cueshe.. Thanks Ja! And watching Ichigo 100%! Thanks Omar, for giving me an anime I'm starting to enjoy, although I don't really like anime that much.

Erm.. Yeah I know it's not exactly a novel-length post.. But I dunno.. :D

back to watching ichigo.. *whistles*

Blogger's Block

2005-07-22T17:53:00.000+08:00

This is my 50th post. *Mini-celebration*

I find that I have lost some of the will to write, at least temporarily. Kind of sad actually. I don't know if I'm just bone tired after every long day at school. Maybe blogging in the morning might help.

These past few days have marked my reemerging inner child, so to speak. I guess during the summer vacation, my inner child got lost in a tangle of vines, and never found his way back to me. Until now.

I'm actually really happy right now. Considering that also I'm very worried about my grade in BASICON, which everyone said was easy, and which I also took for granted, since the first few weeks were indeed easy. Right now, it's just another pain in the behind. I never did like math, and I don't think I ever will. As it turned out, BASICON or the so-called Basic Computer Concepts subject became a math subject. Don't get me wrong though, BASICON does have its fun parts, like our lab activities. We learned how to assemble a PC from the ground up, installed operating systems, and maded logic circuits. Quite fun actually. But more often than not, fun in BASICON comes crashing down into math. I think some of my friends do like math, and I wish I could say the same. But I just realized I'll always know the importance of studying conversion from binary, octal, and hexadecimal to decimal no. systems, or knowing how to write binary in IEEE form, or learning boolean algegra and K-maps, but I'll never grow to like them. And as a result, I haven't invested much of study time to the subject. Thus my bad grades.

But as I've said, otherwise, I'm really happy. And most of that happiness comes from being with my friends. They're really an eclectic bunch of guys and gals, but I wouldn't have them any other way. I've had so many adventures and new experiences with them. I just hope that over time, our bond will strengthen, and not fade unlike my grade school friendships.

*Intermission: a bit of sad musing for elementary friends."

But yeah. Life's kinda good.
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I'd like to share a post by my friend Byron, a gifted artist and write by his own right. Visit his blog if you have the chance. It's on my links.

Quoted from Byron:

HIGH SCHOOL. KOLEHYO.

Nung high school, 10 pahina? ulam na; sa kolehyo, hindi man lang patikim yan.

In high school, long exams are like black ants who just pass by; in college, they're red ants who REALLY hurt.

Nung high school, pakool-kool lang; sa kolehyo, parating kool na kool na nakatungo sa library.

In high school, 70% is like spilled Coke; in college, it's like free Coke.

Nung high school, speak English raw dapat Tagalog parin; sa kolehyo, pwedeng nang magTagalog pinipilit namang magIngles. *sigh*

Conclusion:

If high school's Mindanao, college is Iraq. Talagang nakakahilo, diba?

Bedspacer

2005-07-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

Bedspace for my blog.

For some strange reason, I don't have anything to write about.

I wanna thank some stranger who commented.. I'll keep your words in mind.. :)

Everything seems fine on my side of the planet. Maybe I'm just too tired to write down feelings that everyone thinks is too emotional. It's either that or I'm just too overreacting.

Bedspace for my blog.

Blogging As a Form of Expression

2005-07-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

Something's been bothering me.

I've been thinking about my purpose in creating this blog.

When I first started blogging, I wanted to write for other people. Of course, I was also writing for myself, but for the most part, I made a blog with the intention of letting other people read it. Right now, the situation's been reversed. While I still want people to read my blog, it's not the priority anymore. I write now mainly for myself.

Sometimes, it's hard for me to express my feelings outside. I am more of a conflict-evading type of person. Thus, it has always been hard for me to confront my issues with other people directly. The main purpose I have a blog now is this- FOR IT TO ACT LIKE A CATHARSIS.

Catharsis - a sudden climax that constitutes overwhelming feelings of great sorrow, laughter, or any extreme change in emotion that results in the renewal, restoration and revitalization for living.

I write the way I do because that is how I feel inside. I write "emotionally" because it is in my nature to BE EMOTIONAL. The fact that I seem otherwise in person IS FALSE. Why?

BECAUSE PEOPLE CONSTITUTE "EMOTIONAL" AS BEING TOO ENGROSSED IN STRONG EMOTIONS LIKE SORROW AND/OR ANGER.

Here's a thought: DOESN'T JOY OR LAUGHTER QUALIFY AS STRONG EMOTION TOO?

Laughter is the one EMOTION I love to express in public. To say that being empowered by mirth is not "emotional" is to say that a tree does not belong in a forest. Who else can know what a person is feeling inside, UNLESS HE DECIDES TO SHARE IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE? And since I often do not share my other emotions in public, I decided to share them in my BLOG.

There you have the crux of the problem. Am I to change my style of writing to something less emotional, because this is not how other people perceive me?

This I have to say once more. MY BLOG IS MY CATHARSIS.

Writing in my blog has enabled me to examine myself. I HAVE changed a lot. And yes, this is due in part to my blogging. What I don't get is why people, especially friends, have a hard time accepting the NEW ME. I now believe that it is better to express my other emotions OUTSIDE. AND WHO ELSE HAVE I TO TURN TO BUT MY FRIENDS? And instead, I find myself subject to scrutiny instead of help.

YES, I have had instances where I was TOO high-strung.
YES, I might have been too annoyingly "emotional."

This is what I have to say: I am CORNY. I am CHEESY.SOMETIMES I AM TOO MUCH OF BOTH. And if my friends can accpet that and live with it, why can't they accept the fact that I might sometimes go overboard with sorrow or anger?

These past months of bloggin and entering college was a wild, and very unpredictable ride. And my blog entries are here to prove it.

In the end, that is why I have a blog- IT IS AN OUTLET FOR ME TO EXPRESS WHATEVER I HAVE EXPERIENCED, and to reflect on my past thoughts and memories, as written down on the spur of the moment.

Oh yeah, and I have recovered my old corny self again, although I HAVE CHANGED. Everyone will just have to get used to that.

TO end this entry, Let me just say two more things:
1. You think you may know my writing style, but reflect on and compare my serious works with my not-so-serious ones. You might be surprised to find out that you just haven't seen my real style yet, that is why my blogging feels so alien.

2. And to cap it off, I had a fine day today.

Menage Diagnostic Test

2005-07-14T20:02:00.000+08:00

I had to answer these questions as part of being a newbie LaSallian staffer. Enjoy!

I. Free Association. In 5 words, write what comes to mind.

1. wiretapping – Next time, send an e-mail.

2. movie piracy – “Psst, Boss, DVD VCD cheap!”

3. Katya Santos – faceless soldier of boldstar army

4. Susan Roces – Queen of Panday’s non-existent kingdom

5. e-VAT – watered-down and stripped of power

6. Jasmine Trias – Hawaiian capitalizing on Filipino pride

7. Boy Abunda – queer eye for gossipping guys

8. plastic surgery – transforming everyone into Barbie dolls

9. Geoff Eigenmenn – Who the heck is this?

10. Angel Locsin (as Darna) – Intermittent danger of bra falling

II. Your take on current government situation w/o references to PGMA

Anyone can see that the Philippines is going up in flames. With recent controversies and exposés of corruption in the upper echelons of our government, everything this country has stood for is in grave danger of falling apart. Everyone, including me, has their own views on what must be done to end this crisis. What must not be done, however, is to take a detour around due process. I’ll be the first to admit that due process in this country can take a long time, but the system is in place for a reason, and that is to prevent anarchy. The present crisis cannot be resolved hastily. Everyone and everything suspected must be scrutinized carefully, and appropriate investigations must be started in order to reveal the truth of the matter. If, and only if, suspicions are proven to be true should the proper measures be taken. Flogging due process will have serious repercussions in the future. A government built on lies cannot stay afloat for long. The only way out of the hole that we are stuck in right now is to follow due process, THEN afterwards, take a long, hard look at the structure of our government, and start making some changes.

III. 4-6 sentences. What would happen if you were trapped in an elevator with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, the Spice Girls, Sandara Park, Nora Aunor, an ostrich, a sledgehammer, a pepperoni pizza, and a roll of duct tape?

I waited in the cramped elevator, holding the pepperoni pizza I had just bought, surrounded by celebrities and the pet ostrich of the Spice Girls, which was gently nuzzling the pizza box. Suddenly, the elevator stopped, and the girl whom I mistook for Sandara Park pulled off her mask to reveal Nora Aunor, the actress-turned-undercover agent. Pandemonium broke loose as Katie Holmes, who had been quietly conversing with Tom Cruise, cursed at Agent Aunor and drew a sledgehammer from Tom’s backpack. The Spice Girls shrieked in alarm, causing the pet ostrich to shriek in alarm and start attacking my pizza- MY 495-peso all-meat pizza. A slow anger burned through me, and I used the dark side of the Force to bring time to a standstill. Grabbing a roll of duct tape, I gagged everyone in the elevator, proceeded to put on the Sandara Park disguise, extricated my pizza from the ostrich’s beak, snatched the sledgehammer from Katie’s grasp, heaved the sledgehammer at the elevator door until it crashed open, and walked away from the mess that being given a situation like this creates.

IV. Retell a fairy tale.

Jack and the Beanstalk

Jack was a 28-year old man living with his mother. They stayed in a ratty old bungalow. Jack’s mother was an overworked and underpaid construction worker. The money she brought home was barely enough to cover all their needs. As you can imagine, they had little luxuries in their home. Meanwhile, Jack worked at his job of being a bum. Incredibly, it took an amazing amount of work to find ways to avoid working and thus exert the least amount of effort. Jack had a lot of practice in his 28 years of life, however, and he got by without so much as lifting a finger in menial work. All his days were spent running away from work. He was satisfied enough with his career that he found no reason to ever stop being a bum.

This was how matters stood in Jack’s home, until one day, when his mother came home early from work. She found Jack snoring on the sofa, drool drying on the corners of his lips. The sight of her fat son proved to be too much for her overworked, underpaid eyes to see. She screamed at him to wake up and do something productive with his life.

“Like what, O mother provider of mine?” asked Jack.

“Like getting off your lazy butt and pawning my wedding ring to get the electric bill paid. It’s been 2 months since we’ve been disconnected,” replied his mother.

Grumbling sleepily, Jack took the wedding ring and went to the pawnshop. Upon arriving, the pawnshop owner greeted is favorite customer amiably. “How’s the career, Jack my boy?” he asked.

“Fine, fine, George. Only I hit a career roadblock some time ago, and here I am pawning this ring, instead of bumming around like I should be doing.”

“Oh yeah, about the pawn thing. I’m kind of short in cash right now. Why don’t I just give you these free passes to The Beanstalk Club? It’s a nice place for wasting your time,” said George.

“Hmm.. That sounds like a fair trade! Fine by me!”

Jack took the passes and went home to tell his mother the good news. Predictably, Jack’s house was soon the ground zero of another warzone. His mom shouted and screamed and tore her hair, but Jack explained that he couldn’t return the tickets because he might hurt George’s feelings. This was the last straw for Mommy Dearest. She threw him out of her home with nothing but the clothes on his back and the passes he traded for the wedding ring.

Morose, now that his comfortable sofa would no longer be available to him, he decided to head to the Beanstalk Club to drown his sorrows in alcohol, conveniently forgetting that he had no money. After a few minutes of wandering around the club-and-bar district, he finally found the towering club. “It looks just like a beanstalk,” thought Jack, “like some enchanted thing right out of a fairytale.”

The fairytale motif didn’t just end there. There was no opening in the club, because there was nothing to open to. The inside was solid cement; everyone partied outside, on the walls of the beanstalk. Ladders were the common method used in climbing up, but since Jack wasn’t a fit person, he asked the manager if they had elevators. “Certainly, sir. But only those with authorized passes to enter may use it, and it only stops on the 169^th floor,” said the manager. At first, the manager refused to let him use the elevator, but after seeing the VIP pass that Jack was carrying, he finally relented. Soon afterwards, he was traveling up the beanstalk.

“Isn’t it strange that 13 when squared equals 169?” mused Jack as the elevator steadily crept up to the 169^th floor.

The 169^th floor seemed to be nothing special, as Jack stepped out of the elevator. Suddenly, the alarms went off.

Jack could only watch in mute horror as a gigantic man came striding out of the lone room in the 169^th floor. “He must be around 10 feet tall!” thought Jack. The man made no attempt to harm them, though. He looked at him carefully as if trying to discern his purpose in coming to the top floor. All of a sudden, he spoke out in a rumbling voice. “Well, it seems that you come with no bad intentions. Welcome to the office of the top dog in this club. My name’s Chuckmeister. You can call me Chuckie for short.”

Chuckie showed the stunned Jack around his humongous office. Jack could only gape in wonder at the lavishness of the office, and the quirky inventions that Chuckie had been amassing for a year now.

Finally, Chuckie showed Jack something that forever changed his life. Chuckie’s wealth had come not from his family, but from his creativity. Jack invented the Golden Goose, an automated drink mixer that could be programmed to mix drinks to exact measurements. But not only did he do that, he also invented a unique drink made from the Golden Goose. He called the drink as “Golden Egg.” This drink proved to be so popular that people came in droves to his newly opened club.

“… And that’s how I became so rich,” said Chuckie.

After finishing the story, Chuckie excused himself and asked Jack to wait while he was finishing up some things he was attending to. Left inside the room, he began to form an idea. He decided to steal the Golden Goose and make his fortune. He justified his putting the bumming career on hold by telling himself that this was only temporary. He quickly gathered up the Golden Goose and went to the elevator hastily. As the elevator doors were opening, he heard a harsh cry shouting at him. Chuckie had returned. And he was not happy. Sighing in relief as the elevators closed on him with Chuckie still a few meters away, he caught his breath. Then he heard the thud above him. Chuckie had landed on top of the elevator.

As the ceiling panel opened, panic started to cloud Jack’s mind. Suddenly, he had an idea. Knowing that there would only be one chance for him to succeed, he waited until Chuckie’s arm was inside the elevator. Then he smashed the elevator lights and twisted Chuckie’s arm to touch the exposed wires. As the electric current flowed through Chuckie’s hapless body, he uttered one final cry. “Jack, I am your father!” “What a dingbat,” thought Jack, although he couldn’t shake the feeling that what Chuckie was telling him was the truth. But either way, it was too late. The charred body of Chuckie was all that remained.

All of a sudden, the elevator stopped. Jack pried open the elevator doors and found himself a mere 15 feet away from the ground, and freedom. He jumped.

He lived happily ever after. Until…

Until 15 years later, when a much richer Jack woke up from a dream he had. He called up his mom who was now living in a posh apartment downtown.

“Mom, what was father’s name?” asked Jack.

“Why on earth should you wake me up for, Jack? But if you really want to know, then his first name is…”

“Chuckie.”

“Noooo!!!” Jack’s cry of anguish echoed through his empty mansion, underscoring the cheesiness of the moment.

The End.

Short Entry Due To Tiredness (SEDTT)

2005-07-13T21:10:00.000+08:00

Actually, my day was very fun.

I spent the whole morning getting bored to death in ALGTRIG and BASICON classes. Standard sleepy-lecturing stuff. No surprises.

Had a fun time in our ORIENT1 class though. We played an exciting game... One which I need to remember for future use... ;)

Our University break was 1 - 2:30pm.. I wanted to watch a concert sponsored by an org I joined, MooMedia.. Too bad I had to go to a General Assembly with The LaSallian, the school paper.. Well, it was quite fun actually. I met the people I'll be working with in the future, and I'm happy to say that none of them is normal. That's a compliment :D I even met a friend from the Star Scholar getaway I went to.. Hi Anne! Although I don't think she can read this... :o

So after that, we had COMPRO lab.. I guess I did fine, although I made some careless mistakes. Sheesh.

Well.. But I still finished early. So did Riva, and she was going home, so I accompanied her.

You know, I just realized I missed talking with her.. I hadn't fully realized how long it was since we had a chance for interrupted conversation. I don't know.. I guess there were just too many people and too many distractions around these past few weeks.. Well, one thing's for sure- I'm glad I finished early. :D

Side Note: I've been so hungry these past few days.. I don't know why but it seems like everytime chance I get, I'm always eating.. :o Oh my..

The Parable of the Whatever Girl

2005-07-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a girl whose name was inconsequential.

She lived in a world called "Planet Green." The girl lived a hectic life, and as with all lives, she lived a troublesome one. However, she was a strong-willed one, and she had the support of a loved one whose name is also inconsequential.

She was a girl full of paradoxes.
She was a girl full of conflicts.
She was a girl full of herself.

One day, Paradoxical Girl was hanging out with her political group called "Honest." In this "Honest" political group, there existed a person of 9/10 outward beauty. In case the parable readers are wondering, beauty is meant as handsome. And so, Conflicting Girl developed a "little crush" on "Pretty Boy Floyd."

After a few days of nothing, Girl-Full-Of-Herself got a chance to spend a whole day with Pretty Boy Floyd. And so she took advantage of this "chance" that was offered to her. All day long, her Green Planet friends saw the flirtation going on between them- with the exception of her loved one, who was stuck in Planet F.

One by one, they were struck dumb as she blithely ignored the fact that both she and Pretty Boy Floyd already had relationships with other people.

After the Green Planet day was over and Pretty Boy Floyd had already gone out, Girl-Full-Of-Herself even had the gall to brag that they spent the day together. Complete with swoon effect. And she had the greater gall to tell her friends not to tell her loved one who was in Planet F.

This parable ends without an ending, although given the fact that repeated attempts by her friends to stop the shit she was shitting failed to convince her, this can only end badly.

The moral of this parable is:
True love is elusive.

----------------------

You know, in my present situation, I can't help but be confused by people who throw away the love they have carelessly. Don't these people realize that true love is one of the greatest gifts ever given? HAve they forgotten how hard it is to love but not to be loved?

Don't they realize that they are one of the most blessed people on earth for having found love?

Reevaulation: Part 3

2005-07-11T18:31:00.000+08:00

Actually, Part 3 is where the reevaulation comes in.
And actually, I don't quite know where to start.

I think I should just make a bulleted list...

REEVALUATION AND REALIZATIONS:

For a blog that's titled "Disorganized Mind", my layout seems to be super organized. This has led me into making some parallels about myself and my blog. Oftentimes, I think I'm one kind of person, but then my thoughts, words, and actions speak plainly of what I truly am. I guess titles just don't work with me.
I was also thinking about Star Scholars in general. I don't think I'm cut out to be one if I don't develop healthy study habits soon. My grades are below stellar at the moment. I need to focus more on my studies.
I've had a realization (a few of them actually) : People are not what they first appear to be. I think I wrote a post-it about spilling stuff.. Maybe later.
Another realization: I've been putting too much focus on social life. While it HAS given me friends, I'm neglecting the rest of my graden. And it's choking on weeds.
HEre's another evaluation about myself. I put too much emphasis on small stuff. I guess I jsut can't do this slogan: "Dont sweat the small stuff"
Realization No. 3: I'm going too fast. I need to slow down. There's nothing worse than rushing things.
And I've been putting off TOO MANY OBLIGATIONS FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

SOME CHANGES

HEnceforth, I shall start focusing more on my studies.
Henceforth, I shall not put off obligations and other important stuff just for the sake of being with my barkada.
Henceforth, I shall not take things too heavily, and I shall try to approach things with a smile and a hope.
Henceforth, I shall strive to be my true self.
Henceforth, I shall not be ashamed of being who I am.
Henceforth, I shall not let others' opinions dictate me.

QUOTE THAT STRUCK ME JUST NOW:

"BE WHO YOU ARE, SAY HOW YOU FEEL, 'CAUSE THE ONES THAT MIND DON'T MATTER, AND THE ONES THAT MATTER DON'T MIND." - Dr. Seuss

THE SPILLING OF STUFF:

All right. Just to make things clear, I jsut wanted to get this out in the open. Please read my disclaimer of why I'm doing this. I jsut can't shut up anymore, and I need an outlet for this.
First up.. Love. I've decided that I'm going too fast and I need to slow down. When it's my time to love someone, I will know. Until then, I'm not going to be pursuing anyone.
Riva: One word can describe her. CONTRADICTION. She's really fun to be with. Conversely, she's not fun to be with when she keeps ignoring you, maybe unconsciously or consciously, but ignoring you all the same. She's fun to talk to. Conversely, she's not fun to talk to when she cuts the conversation abruptly, or when you expect some sort of acknowledgment but instead, you are met with a blank stare. OR a blank cellphone screen. I don't know if she's like this with other people, or just with a select few. I hope it's not because she sees me as a "boylet", to take a leaf out of her dictionary of terms. Also, I soemtimes get annoyed whenever I speak up about something and she starts to go, "Hindi, ganun yan, Mali ka blah blah." Or something to that effect. As if her view on things is a matter of fact and not opinion. But still... I don't know why, but even with these faults, I still think of her as one of my true friends. I think it's maybe it's because one of the things about friendships is that you are willing to accept a friend, even with warts and all.
Chris: I don't know.. Chris truly cares about his friends. But sometimes.. I get the feeling there's so much I don't know about his personality. He's kind of insensitive at times. And I feel a bit put out whenever he's all smiles about someone he dislikes secretly. I'd rather he just tell whomever he doesn't like, that he doesn't like them. Instead of smiling. I don't know.. I;m guilty of this attitude myself. And.. This may seem petty but.. I get irritated that he put down other people's joke as "corny" and "too pilosopo" and "Really corny". But then when he cracks corny jokes, which is often, he seems to think that everyone should laugh along with him. >_<>
Cheffrey: I don't know about her.. Today was the first time I seriously considered her personality as someone younger. Today was the first that I thought of her as younger than me. Because, she talks and acts in contradictions. She can be very noisy at times, then just as suddenly shouts "Quiet! Don't be too noisy!" I have experienced so many other instances of this type.. I just don't get her, you know. But she's a good friend.
My barkada: I think some, not all, of my friends in my barkada find it hard to concentrate whenever I'm the one talking or whatever. Sometimes I feel like I'm the weak link in the group, you know, like I'm the expendable one. Yep, expendable I am. That's why I felt really appreciated when my ideas were heard during my weekend with other star scholars. I often feel out-of-place in my group. But the surprising thing is, no matter how ignored I might feel, I would still be with them whenever, and wherever. I guess my friend Wale's statement can sum this up. "When things are down, they're really down. But when things are up, they are REALLY REALLY UP," to paraphrase her.
I know, I know, I'm being quite frank with all that I'm saying. It's jsut that these things have been eating at me for weeks. And my only release is this blog. Before I can reevaluate and change aspects of my life, I have to get these off my chest first.

I have to eat now.

Reevaulation: Part 2

2005-07-11T17:49:00.000+08:00

A continuation of my 5 days of change.

July 9 - 10, Saturday to Sunday

This weekend turned into something more than I expected. I guess it was worth missing Fantastic Four get-together and not being able to use a computer for.

On Saturday, I went to DLSU at around 6:30 for the start of our bus trip to Tanay Hills, Rizal. The bus ride was cool, as my seatmate Ron was also cool, and I watched the original Matrix again. I had really forgotten how the Matrix has changed the movie world. I was surprised to find out that although the special effects had been COPIED the world over, I was still amazed at the grace and beauty of the fight sequences. So sue me if I'm a guy and I like watching fight scenes. :D

After that, we arrived at the BEAUTIFUL resort. It was really beyond our expectations. The resort had a swimming pool, although we couldn't use it.

For accomodations, 5 guys shared each cottage. Thanks goodness there was airconditoning haha.. We left the aircon on all day so when we came back at night, the cottage would be nice and breezy. The only problem I found with the cottage were the numerous bugs and ants infesting some parts of it. I was lucky to get a bed that was not affected. Haha...

Okay. I'll get the food stuff out first. For the 1 and a half days we spent there, We had a total of EIGHT Meals. There was so much food. I'm not complaining, although the tummy I'm trying to build abs on might be. There was morning break, lunch, afternoon break, dinner, midnight snacks, breakfast, morning break, and lunch again, before we returned to Manila. Very filling it was.

This wasn't the boring seminar I thought it would be. Sure, there were some boring parts, but overall, i not only enjoyed it, I also learned something from it, which is quite rare, for me.

I'll share some of my new thoughts in Part 3.. For now.. Fun light stuff.

We had a lot of group activities. Not just our batch of star schoalrs were there. The past 2 batches also joined us. They were really fun people to be with, and I think my DLSU future shall be better with them joining me.

The highlights of the Saturday session was the star awards, and the short skit of a few groups.

We had a lot of fun making up a skit, based on the Matrix, as one of my groupmates looked a lot like Morpheus. Haha. Anyways, one thing I really appreciate about my group was that they accepted and heard out my suggestions, instead of just shooting down my suggestions without second thoughts. After all, they were already sophomores and junior, while I was a mere frosh. It just goes to show that not everyone's out to get your skin.

We finished at 10:30 pm.. And we had a bonding session at our cottage with my ka-batch of scholars. We played cards and Killer, and we ate, and we had fun. At around 12:30, the other people aside from my roommates went back to their rooms to sleep. We ended up playing another round of cards and sleeping at 2:30 am. It was really a memorable night for me.

Sunday was the day of the AMAZING RACE. We had to finish 3 challenges to win. The first one was easy. The second was quite fun, as 2 people had to carry a balloon using a specific body part, in these cases, the nose, then the cheek, then the butt. It was really fun to watch. The final challenge was the hardest, and the most frustrating. We did finish it though, and it was really fulfilling to finally find a plan that worked.

We went back to DLSU at around 4pm.

----------------------

I realize that I have been yappingg on about events mostly. However, it was the interaction of people which really made my weekend. Here are a few acknowledgments to the new friends I gained through this activity.

My roommates, REAGAN, LORENZ, PAOLO, and JANJAN! YOu guys were awesome! Lorenz is a truly gifted orator. Reagan was incredibly funny too. I'll remember our race to 5 in pusoy dos! Paolo and Janjan were a bit on the quiet side but they were really friendly too. Paolo came from my former school St. Jude, and Janjan can relate to my ComSci problems as he's a CS Major too!
My other batchmates, PERKIN! CONRAD! DEX! ANDREW! AMANDA! RON! EDGAR! We guys had a lot of fun! Here's a virtual toast to continuing friendships in the future!
Older batch friends! Thanks for the help guys! Here's to the assurance that age doesn't matter in friendships! See you guys in school! JSON! BENI! ALVIN! ANNE! MANGO! EDRIC! Sorry for the guys I failed to mention. I'm getting older and becoming senile :D

This is one of those experiences I'll always remember. Hope next year will be even better!

July 11, Today

Something very short for today.

I realized a lot of stuff today.

End.

I shall be making a reevaulation of some aspects of my life in Part 3 of this trilogy.

Reevaulation: Part 1

2005-07-11T16:46:00.000+08:00

I don't quite know how to start.

I guess I'd better start from last Thursday....

Thursday, July 7, 2005

Today was the first time I didn't feel up for PE swimming. I guess it had something to do with the way my right eye was hurting. After I jumped into the pool though, everything felt better. Swimming always manages to make me feel better.. Maybe it's the sense of buoyancy it gives me.

SO after we finished swimming, we ate at Pizza Hut. It was one of the high points of my day. We had a lot of fun there..

Although we planned to eat at The Venue @ EGI taft towers beside our school building, we decided to go on a pizza pig-out. The price was stiff, around 125 pesos without drinks.. But I guess it was worth it, as it was one of the most fun experiences I've had to date. IT was nothing special really, jsut a group of friends enjoying each other's company, but things don't need to be grandiose or complicated to be really, truly felt and cherished.

And it marked the beginning of a new.. er.. "dawn"

THE EMERGENCE OF A "TRUST" FUND.

Haha.. OVer-dramatizing seems to be my forte.

Well anyways, we had around 130 pesos change, and we decided to start a mutual fund with it. I guess I started calling it a trust fund because I'm trusting that even though things may change drastically in the future, we'll still have our college barkada intact. Wishful thinking? I hope not.

Then we had COMPRO1 and FILIPI1 classes.

It started out plainly.. as.. plain boring. However, I ended up having another high point of my day..

Riva and I were seatmates. Haha.. I don't know who came up with the idea first, but we ended up having a lot of fun playing a drawing game. We picked out a letter at random and drew something that started with that letter. But the catch was to come up with something funny. And we DID come up with some pretty wacked-out sketches. :D

All in all, Thursday was my day. :P

Friday, July 8, 2005

Okay.. Friday comes next.

To start off, things were quite ordinary during the morning. IT was in the afternoon when things became very very interesting.

Here's what my afternoon and evening was like, in numbered format:

I met Xima, Riva's best friend. (Random thought: DID I just notice a naming trend here?)
We ate at McDo.
We tried to go inside the campus but Xima wasn't allowed.
I felt bad for not attending the fellowship just because Xima couldn't come. NEx time, I won't let myslef be hindered.
We ended up spending the rest of the afternoon at the front steps of the Sports Complex.
I had to go at 5pm because I had to attend a Star Scholar thingy.
Despite my expectations, I actually had fun getting to know the other star scholars. New friendships are always fun.

Random thoughts to go with the numbered list, in bulleted form:

Xima seems like a nice guy, in person. I won't say more >____<
It was terribly disappointing of me to sacrifice too much for nothing much. Another point I'm pondering on.
Contrary to stereotypes, Scholars aren't the nerdy types. I admit that scholars are competitive in grades, but they don't just focus on grades. I can attest to that.
As usual, the FREE FOOD was excellent. I'm starting to grow fat on free star schoalr food dammit.

Thus ends part 1.

Writer's Blahhsss

2005-07-08T21:29:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. I don't feel like writing today.

So, here's what I'll do. Imma make a blog "post-it" note to remind me of stuff I'll write about once I return home. O_O

POST IT NOTES

Pizza Hut pig-out and the emergence of a "trust fund" hehehehehehehe....
Swimming stuff (?)
Four seasons of McDo loneliness
Xima's visit O_O
Star slash scholaring
My thoughts on lovelives, my friends, and maybe some rants...
MY TWO DAY STAY IN RIZAL TOGETHER WITH THE OTHER STAR SCHOLARS
The fantastic four movie get together I''ll miss, and the UAAP game I'l also miss.
Other random stuff about my high school friends.
Maybe I'll tell all for once.. Kind of like an expose into my inner thoughts. No more guessing games, code names.. MAybe.

That's my post-it note for today.

Let's see...

2005-07-06T20:21:00.000+08:00

Let's see... it's been 5 days since my last entry.. And what a 5 days it has been.

I guess we should forget everything I wrote down in the last few entries, cause these 5 days have reminded me that life should not be taken THAT seriously. XD

Here's a rundown of some important (at least to me) events that have happened in my 5 days:

Saturday, July 1, 2005

Hmm.. did anything important happen? *Thinks for a few seconds*

Woops! I'm sooooo forgetful!

I went to Chris's house today, together with Riva! We were "supposed" to do our Filipino midterms but er... Hehe.. something always happens haha.. We ended up listening to some music, going through Chris's past possessions, researching COMPRO stuff, playing with his Flight Simulator game... Everything but doing our Filipino stuff.. Good thing we remembered to do it in the end.. And so we did, although it was rushed... I guess that's what happens when you go to a friend's house for the first time. =D I have to give an appreciative thanks to Chris though, YOUR FOOD'S AWESOME!!!!!!

Sunday, July 2, 2005

Today was the day I went to the barber to cut my hair. Nothing special bout haircuts, really, but after today's haircut, I had a totally new look! I kinda like it... Weeee..

Then, this evening was the "55th anniversary of Grace" play! Actually, the play was secondary.. I just wanted to mee my high school friends. Hello to Jon, Awi, JE, Dan, Regine, Meg, Ange, By, Ralph-the-Balikbayan, Lauren, Alvene, Vanessa, Lizelle, Aldrich, Billy, Ja, n some other people who I forgot to mention. Sorry! >.<

The play itself was cool. Although kinda amateurish for a CCP play. The play-ers did their best though, and I enjoyed the show! Kudos to everyone there!

Monday, July 3, 2005 - Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Well, actually, I had so much fun these past three days with my friends.

Riva, Chris, and me have been having so much fun on our early morning trips. I look forward to these trips everyday.

Academics-wise.. I'm kinda okay with my studies.. Although I'm kinda afraid for my scholarship because I'm getting poor grades in filipino.. Darn.

One good thing to point our would be that I'm now officially a member of The La Sallian publication!! I'm in the Menagerie section, and I get to write feature articles! Weeee... Now all I have to think about is getting my 3-5 hours per week residency in the office, which means I'm gonna be spending a few hours less time with my friends.. Darn.. >_<

These days, I'm having a ton more fun just letting myself go, and being happy-go-lucky again. I'm starting to enjoy life a lot more, and my stress has been less.

As my classmate remarked of my crazy, hyperactive self..

"Have you been taking drugs?!"

Haha.. Over and over, people.

Fun stuff

2005-07-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

Thank you Awi for making me laugh and giving a very very nice line... Hope you don't mind if I post this.

----Chat---
awi_ball: sunday ka ba manonood ng play?>

jenoosia: yep

awi_ball: woohoo!!!

awi_ball: invyt ****!

jenoosia: kala ko pa naman madami tau sa sunday

jenoosia: may pics na kmi

awi_ball: uy uy uy

jenoosia: pero dpa sinesend ng kaibigan ko sa kin

awi_ball: amp

awi_ball: nag sit in pla c ralph sa akin nung thurs

awi_ball: pinagyabang ni **** ung mga pics nila ni **** kay ralph

awi_ball: lolz

jenoosia: pero sa totoong buhay parang mas bumulok ung relationship namin

awi_ball: tawa nlng kmi

jenoosia: sigh

awi_ball: yan ka nanaman

jenoosia: yep

jenoosia: kasi naman e

awi_ball: i dont like the "bitchy whiney jensen"

jenoosia: malay ko ba kay ****.. one minute close kami, the other minute im being ignored

awi_ball: i like the "cool funloving corny jensen"

jenoosia: sige na nga

awi_ball: dpaat un ung mkita ko sa sun

awi_ball: kundi ignore rin kita

jenoosia: hah ok ok master

awi_ball: gud

awi_ball: haha

awi_ball: no oras ka punta?

jenoosia: dko alam gusto ko sana maaga para magkita tau lahat pero balita ko dami dqaw pupunta sa saturday nalang

awi_ball: d yan

awi_ball: cla jon by baka sun

awi_ball: ako dan sun

awi_ball: cla java bka sun

awi_ball: cla aldrich jachua billy sun

awi_ball: reg sun

jenoosia: sana sana

awi_ball: dami pa rin

jenoosia: woopee

jenoosia: anong oras m plano?

awi_ball: hmmm

awi_ball: mga 5

awi_ball: para maganda seats

jenoosia: oks

jenoosia: haha may nakuha shobe ko na front row seats

awi_ball: suot nmin sa sun ateneo tshort

jenoosia: dayam

jenoosia: sayang

awi_ball: tshirt*

awi_ball: front row?

jenoosia: ung dlsu tshirt ko sa monday ko pa makukuha

jenoosia:

awi_ball: dba first come first serve/?

jenoosia: for sponsors ung nakuha na ticket haha.. pero since kau naman kasama ko dko gagamitin ung front row

awi_ball: hahaha naks nman pare

jenoosia: sayangggg... asteeg sana tshirt

jenoosia: o well

awi_ball: haha onga eh

jenoosia: by th way invited ka sa bday party ko sa sunday july 24 , dpa finalized details pero sure na magkakaroon

awi_ball: woohoo

awi_ball: san?

jenoosia: house ko

awi_ball: asteg nman

jenoosia: bka may hatid sundo

awi_ball: asteg!!!!!!!!!!

awi_ball: ****... makikita ko na rin!!!

awi_ball: woohhooooo!!!!

jenoosia: haha

jenoosia: nyaks

awi_ball: oops

awi_ball: shado atang enthusiastic

jenoosia: bad ka a

awi_ball: it will test ur "bond"

jenoosia: dami na nga nakiki epal wag ka na bka dko kaya powers m

awi_ball: haha la na nga eh

awi_ball: tgal na hindi nagagamit

awi_ball: kelangan na ng practice

awi_ball: lol

awi_ball: sa mga lalake nlng ako practice

awi_ball: yuk

jenoosia: haha

jenoosia: oks lang ya.. kung malakas powers ko bka may iba pang magandang babae na pupunta sa bday party

awi_ball: d bale.. mag paparang "loner" nlng ako

awi_ball: hay...

awi_ball: bachelor..

jenoosia: hndi yan... wag ka na rin gumaya sa "bitchy whiney jensen" haha

jenoosia: sa ganda ng kalalakihan m

awi_ball: hahaha ako pede kasi la babae

awi_ball: kaw bwal kasi meron
---End---

awi_ball: i dont like the "bitchy whiney jensen"
awi_ball: i like the "cool funloving corny jensen"

THanks for the line awi :D

Looking at the Big Picture and Enjoying Life's Little Pleasures

2005-07-01T19:41:00.000+08:00

Edit: I lost the original version of this entry because of a stupid computer reset. Now all my temporary internet files and I have to go through super-slow loading times again. Arg this PC.

Mantra # 1
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.
Looking at the big picture, my problems seem petty.

Mantra # 2
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.
When faced with troubles, try enjoying life's little pleasures.

Today had its share of ups-and-downs.

Sigh.. Since all the work I did was flushed down the drain a while ago, I'll just do a summary of today. :(

Ups:

Had post-breakfast breakfast with Chris while waiting for Riva in the morning. Boutght Riva a donut.
Took a nap comfortably inside the hospital-that-looked-like-a-hotel.
Had some fun during the break in between Math and Basicon class when Wale turned into a stylist and tried to change my hairstyle.. Haha.. Thanks for trying, not futilely, I hope =D
Had fun with my friends, special mention to Omar and Wale. You guys prevented me from having a depressing day. I appreciate that.

Downs:

Found it really really hard to continue with my resolution to take things as a challenge, as things seem to be going nowhere.
Case in point: I kept getting ignored. Again. And by people whom I consider some of my closest friends.
Sometimes, I'd feel that everything's all right. And then one of these things would happen to me: 1. Say something then listen to it dissipate in the wind with no one listening. 2. Say something and listen to "Friend" shoot it down. 3. Say something and watch it being dismissed in the most blatant way. 4. Listen to things that really, really hurt.
A secret: The lowest point of my day was when... Sigh.. I'll just spit it out. When "Girl" was with me but instead of talking with me, was reminded of "Other Guy." Oh well..
I do not know if I am with the right set of friends. The friends whom I knew and grew close to during the past few weeks keep appearing less and less frequently, being replaced by the same friends but who sometimes, maybe unknowingly, exclude me, or ignore me. I do not know.

But as with my 2 mantras above... I must go on. Life must go on. I can't let these things bring me down. Hope is indeed a great gift.

Thank you at least to a few of my friends who have never let me down, for giving me some of life's little pleasures to enjoy in the midst of my Downs.
Thank you very much.

Jamming Sessions

2005-06-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

Sound of the day: Drumbeats.

My ears are still ringing from the jam session we had in the afternoon at Wale's house.

We were supposed to work on our midterm report for Filipino 1.. But er... Hehe.. Well you know, these things happen..

We DID watch an episode of WOWOWEE and Pera o Bayong though.. We just didn't do anything else afterwards XD

Actually, it was only in the early and latter part where I felt I enjoyed myself much.

Wale's giniling is DELICIOUS. Haha.. YUm yum yum.. Really. I enjoyed that part at least. XD

After that, something happened. I dunno. Suddenly I felt qutie lonely.

Just one of my moods? I don't know, everyone except Wale seemed to ignore me. Oh well.. Since my depression week was still fresh on my mind, I decided to roll with the punches. I guess what was going through my mind was, "Maybe it's all in my mind."

Haha.. One thing I've learned since "Depression Week": Doing nothing and moping around asin't gonna change a thing. Everyone (including me) is too self-centered to notice that they're accidentally hurting someone in the process. Yes, I am guilty of that too. I'm as human as the rest of the world.

Yes. I've decided to treat my situation as being accidental, not on purpose.

And guess what? It worked. Somehow.

Although my friends still don't know what they've been doing to me, I've stopped being depressed, and instead I became more proactive.

Oh yeah.. I also learned one more thing: Nothing (except maybe your one true love, [mushy mood?]) can replace your high school best friends. Nothing.

I learned to play one.. er.. whatever-you-call-it on the guitar. Now I have something to show when someone brings a guitar harhar...

We went back to the LRT station at around 6:30 pm. COnsidering everything, I had a fun time.

THanks to Wale, for putting up with us in her home harhar =D And a personal thanks from me for being one of a precious few whom I can always count on to be ready to listen to me. XD

See? I'm so self-centered.

~~Prayer Request: Please pray for Riva's foot and Riva's mom~~

By the way, I'm a born-again Christian. And proud of it.

Oh yeah.. another P.S. haha.. I keep jumbling around the thoughts in my head.

Last night's prayer really helped me a lot regarding my problems. Plus reading A Purpose-Driven Life also gave me some insights. The chapter I read was on life's purpose. I suppose it was one of God's ways of answering me.

Pray- It works.

The Lost Entry

2005-06-29T21:42:00.000+08:00

One cloudy, overcast day, an inquisitive boy was walking along the beach, playing with his little red toy boat. He was having so much fun playing that he didn't notice the floating bottle in the water near him.

Suddenly, the bottle emitted a bright white glow that half-blinded the boy. When he finally regained his senses, his red toy boat was gone and he was clutching the bottle in his hands. He looked inside the moss-covered bottle and, to his astonishment, he saw some rolls of parchment. Of course, he didn't know what parchment was, but being the inquisitive boy that he is, he opened the bottle to find out what the heck those things that look like paper were. After opening the bottle, he unrolled the parchment and saw to his surprise that they were pages of an entry of a journal, made by someone named "Jensen".

*Cue opening theme*
*Cue title "The Lost Entry"*
*Fade to black*
*Scroll words*

.........

June 24, 2005, FRIDAY.

Dear journal,

Today was the day of the first visit of any of my friends to my house. If you were living, you'd know that I live in a far away place, far from civilization, and the noise of city life.

Actually, if you were living, you'd also know that I'm exagerrating. I live in the 'burbs of an industrial city called Valenzuela.

Well anyway, this is the first time any of my friends came to visit.

My college buds, Riva and Chris, were the lucky winners. How lucky? I don't know. They told me that they felt sleepy in my house. Sigh. You can't be winning all the time.

In my case, I can't be winning ANYtime.

But I think we had some fun.. Considering they found my home "sleepy."

We spent the morning on my PC, looking at pictures and talking to Waway on the phone. Oh the miracles of 24/7 call and text unlimited. We played on my GBA emulator for a while, playing games like Spongebob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, and Power Rangers Wild Force. We had a barrel of laughs over those games.. Ahh the innocence of childhood.

Then Riva showed me this addictingly fun site called iSketch. And that was the start of what can only be called as "addiction mode" for me.

We also looked at pics from my high school days, and from Riva's high school days. Those were the days indeed. I miss my high school friends.

Then we ate carbonara and chicken for lunch. And talked. And talked. And talked.

After our talk, and talk, and talk, we decided to watch something on the TV. We ended up watching a VCD of "God of Gamblers," a comedy about casino players who had magic powers :D Riva ended up actually sleeping. Haha.. I guess the house always wins in the end.. Pun intended.

We went back to the LRT station at around 3:45 pm. THus ended the baptism of my house.

Truly (also madly and deeply) yours,
Jensen xoxoxoxo

Drum MAchine

2005-06-29T15:31:00.000+08:00

I'm writing this at Wale's house.. The drum is sooooooo loud weeeee...

Will write more later :D

Tired

2005-06-28T20:40:00.000+08:00

I lost my cell phone today. It was pickpocketed at the LRT.

Otherwise, I had a fun day. It's always fun when you're with friends like mine.

I'm tired tonight.. I can't really write that much, cause ever since I've come home, I've bee bombarded with lectures, accusations, lessons, Blah BLAH BLAH....

SO in essence, my day today was....

---- low

++++ HIGH

---- low

A Bit of Good News..

2005-06-26T18:35:00.000+08:00

Update: Riva's mom is in stable condition.. I guess praying really does work wonders.

Right now, I'm bored at home.

That's why I want to share this site with everyone..

iSketch.net

Great great great fun! It's played like this: One player draws a picture for a word, then the other players try to guess the word.

YOu need to download showckwave player for it.. But let me tell you. It's worth it.

Addicting. XP

Reunion and Red Alerts

2005-06-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I and my high school buddies had a bit of a reunion.

It was a send-off pool party for our mate Kevin, who will be off to the Land Down Under. Too bad only a relative few of us made it, although we had a fun time. The party was supposedly at around 1pm.. But it started at more like 2 in the afternoon. Jon, Awi, By, Dan, Jeremy, Alvene, Vibson, Kelvin, Ja, Gi, and of course, Kevin was there.

I missed them.

I missed the times when there was no pretense, no pretending.. It was fun reliving the days when we just hanged out, chatted, cracked jokes, and generally basking in each other's company as friends. And of course, talking about the different paths our lives had taken.

The er... "swimming" ended at around 5, but not after we had given a swimming "exhibition". Haha.. I will have to get a copy of that recording.. Definitely a moment I'll remember.

After the party, I went to Jon's house while waiting for my dad to fetch me. I really missed his house. Lol.. We had a lot of fun time there.

Here's to hoping we'll have more get-togethers with more people.. *Ahem* Crissa *Ahem* XD

-0---------0-

But here's the twist:

While I was off having fun, my friend Riva's mom was having an operation. I learned from Riva that it was not going well, and that dampened the happy mood I was in. It reminded me that not everyone is always having fun or sharing laughter. She asked me to pray for her mom, and so I did.

Right now, it's been about half a day since I've heard any word from her, and I'm still praying.

Just remember Riva, you'll always have me and your friends to lean on and to give you support. We'll always be there for you.

Disclaimer

2005-06-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

Now, I know that I've posted some er... "controversial" stuff in my blog..

But.. This was supposed to be a private for-me-only thingy that.. er... "got out"

So.. I dunno.. I guess what I want to say is that each entry should be taken into context. Which simply means that my mood in one entry might be totally different in another. I don't know how my friends put up with me. >.<

No matter what happens, I'll always treasure the special people in my life. Even if sometimes, I don't seem to appreciate them. Sorry guys.

BUT.. This blog is where I throw all my thoughts so.. I shall continue writing the way I am writing now. Because, in a way, my blog acts like a catharsis (look it up :P) which helps me review my day, my actions, my daily life..

If anyone read this.. er.. thanks.

Gawsh... Visitors in the House!

2005-06-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

Today, I had no classes. Manila Day. XD

And today, I invited my 2 friends Riva and Chris to go to my house. And we had a lot of fun!

There ya go.. I'm not in the mood to write in my blog... Which is a first, actually.

Remind me to write more about my first visit from friends next time. :o

Change

2005-06-23T21:21:00.000+08:00

For a change, I don't feel depressed today.

In fact, I'm actually excited because tomorrow's the first time my friends will be coming over.. College friends that is. Riva and Chris to be exact. Now if only I can stop worrying about tomorrow...

The issues I've written of over the last few days have yet to be resolved. But.. I don't think moping around will resolve anything. That's why I'm making myself some resolutions:

That I will not mope around anymore.
That any problems I have, I will pray for them.
That I will not magnify any small problem.. thingy.. Whatever. Words fail me.

Today was also SWIMMING day!! Wee... As usual, I had loads of fun doing "acrobatic" stuff in the pool. XD

Hrrmm... What else.. Today seemed kinda.. normal.

Wow, normal. Now that's something I'm hearing less and less often.

Shout outs to:

Crissa: Thanks so much for your support! Miss ya!
Awi: Pare, thanks sa alternate advice mo :D !!! Miss ya rin!
Jon: La lang miss rin kita!
By: Hoy galingan mo scholar!
Ja: Bat dka na nag oonline sa ym? Text nalang kita!
Iba pang High School buds ko: Miss you all!!!!!!!!!!!
Omar: Thanks sa advice pare!
Wale: Thanks sa comedy mare! =))
Chris: See ya tomorrow dude :o
Riva: See ya tomorrow dude :o
Riva's friends: Er.. la lang hahahahahahahahaha.....
Everyone who's reading: Er.. Thanks for reading? XD

Silvertoes

2005-06-22T20:38:00.000+08:00

This is the title of a Parokya ni Edgar song..
And that song is what happens when there's nothing left but frustration.

Today: Mixed bag.

I've forgotten some of what I planned to write. Sigh.. That's memory for you.

So I've decided to split my post into Bad Stuff and Good Stuff. Since today was incredible in the sense that Nice stuff = Not-so-nice stuff. Leaving me depressed tonight.

The Bad________________

This evening, I became invisible man again.
This evening, if I wasn't invisible man, then I was odd-man-out man.
This evening, I heard people backtabbing a person they've just said goodbye to,
This evening, I didn't have the guts to speak out for the backstabbed guy. I am such a wuss.
This evening, I started to wonder if my friends were my friends.
This evening, I began to review my college life.
And finally..
This evening, I got my pants wet, and they began to smell bad because they weren't properly washed.

The Good_______________

Today, I decided to do what Omar told me.
Today, I decided to treat every obstacle as a challenge.
Today, It almost worked. Although it ran out of steam as you can see above.
Today, I didn't spend any money.
Today, I went to a frosh welcome party by the Campus Crusade for Christ. I think I've found my spiritual growth at last. I want to be active in CCC. It would be nice to grow more in God's Word.
Today, I met Riva's Stephenian friends, Jamie, Jacqueline, and Hannah. They're very nice people. Hannah's really friendly. I wanna know her better. Not in a romantic sort of way. Just as a friend to talk to. Lord knows I need all the friends I can get.
Today, I had a lot of fun, at least in the daylight.

I had so many things to say. I think I better keep a hardcopy journal so I won't forget anything.

Word for today: "Split"

Frustration

2005-06-22T20:08:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to post this yesterday, but.. my internet connection expired, and so.. I was stuck with no internet...

I've reread my post and decided to censor some stuff.. I don't think it's fit to post some of this in a public blog.. I will still have the uncensored file in my pc though.. Now if anyone would visit...

So... Here goes:

I've decided not to lurk in depression anymore... Thanks to a "heart-to-heart" talk with my friend Omar, I've decided to accept how things are right now. And instead of just moping around like an idiot, I would take everything as a challenge! After all, nothing in life is fair, nor easy. Anyways.. being depressed is no fun at all. And it's getting to be.. well.. boring XD Thanks very much to you, Dr. Love :D

Okay enough about the smiles...

------------------------

It's weird you know.. How you think some people are close to you. You've been hanging out with them early.. And you share some of your secrets with them. You think you are close with them.. And when they encounter bumps on their life.. And you stand there ready to listen, to sympathize, to comfort...

While you stand there waiting to show your support, waiting to be A FRIEND,

They go find someone else to cry on.
They go find someone else to be their support.
They go find someone else to share their problems with.

Makes me feel like a crap-awful friend.

-------------------------

It seems that I have superpowers! I can actually turn invisible! Yes, believe it! Everytime I open my mouth to ask a question, I fade away. Sigh.. It seems that no one can hear me but myself, not even my "barkada". Like this morning, *censored stuff* . I decided to ask again to be sure.. And sure enough, I had turned invisible! Wonderful. VERY. And after that they had the nerve to ask why I WAS SO QUIET ALL OF A SUDDEN. Must be because I was invisible. *Roll eyes*

And that's not all.. I also turned invisible in our BASICON class. It seemed that everytime I *censored stuff*. Guess spontaneous invisibility has its lows, huh? *roll eyes 2nd time*

This ritual of invisibility continued on and off for the whole day.

I guess I'll always play the role of the guy no one notices but is part of the group anyways.

2ND RANT***

*censored intro*

First I started. +1. Then another +1. Then another +1.
If anyone's counting.. that makes three. Then subtract me from this morning.
3-1=2
So what happened was.. I like.. disappeared from the equation. And "2" are now in the equation I started. Incredible no? Sigh.

Repeat to self: "CHALLENGE!CHALLENGE! TAKE IT AS A CHALLENGE!"

3rd Rant***

This is a somewhat personal rant, although the past two rants were also personal. I meant that this is directed at a single person whom I'll call Guy. Geez.. It feels like I'm backstabbing.

So I won't be too specific.

Here's my rant: Why is it that he's SOOOOO self-centered? *censored stuff*

----------------------------------

*takes a deep breath*

Remember what Omar said. Take everything as a challenge.

Sounds SOOOOOO good. Yet so hard to do.

Sometimes, I think I'm hanging out, or "trying to" hang out with the wrong people. Come to think of it, I really am, hanging out. Hanging outside the group. Sometimes I think I'm not really with my friends.

Sighing a lot these days, I am.

~A LITTLE FUN IS SERVED~

Aside from the melodrama of my everyday life, I also had an interview with The La Sallian. I went in expecting nothing, because I don't do well in interviews. And I think I did normally, which means quite bad.

But I had a little fun in the end, as they briefed me on my "applicant initiation". I had to sing a song in front of the staff. Welll.. I sang "As Long As You Love Me" by the Backstreet Boys. Haha.. My face turned red afterwards.. But I also felt more relaxed.. Weird, huh?

And that's my life for today. (Note: yesterday)

'Til next time... Up up and...
Invisible away!

Appended.

2005-06-19T21:21:00.000+08:00

It's so hard to hate a nice person.

Sigh.. I just can't.... hate....

Oh well. That's the mystery of life.

I think I've now moved on and overcome the reason for my depression. I think.
I guess I'll just have to hope and pray that when the time comes.. Everything will turn out all right.

Zzzzzz...

2005-06-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

Kinda sleepy tonight.. Don't know why.. Maybe it was because I slept later than usual last night.. Had fun though :D

I got this article from Ralph.. And I was touched.. Although I don't think I'm a nice guy XD

****************************************
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bleeping about what buttholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bleeps. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete butt now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
**************************************************

Orange with Stripes of White

2005-06-18T21:12:00.000+08:00

I watched my third movie of the day, Finding Nemo..

2nd time I watched it.. And still entertaining.

I just wish that more happy endings exist out of the movie screen.. :o

Wimby, anyone?

2005-06-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

Stuck at home for today.

Mood: Depressed. Lonely.

I just learned that some of my friends went to G4 and watched Batman... Darn! X_X That's 2 good movies I've missed watching.. Mr. And Mrs. Smith and Batman Begins..

After eating a quick lunch of noodles.. I decided to go on a movie binge myself.. I got a can of dalandan soda and corniks and went to turn on the TV. I decided to watch a movie on Star Movies first.. It was actually a comedy starring an actor I liked but don't know the name... Haha.. Well it was okay..

Then I took out the DVD of Wimbledon that I've been putting off watching. And then my afternoon changed...

Although the DVD was pirated :o and although I don't usually like these kinds of romantic comedies.. Oh alright.. I like watching romantic comedies sometimes... *_* Although I had no reason to expect anything special from the movie, it became one of my most memorable film experiences..

Wimbledon's basically about a washed-up tennis player playing his last tournament, and how he meets and falls for a rising female tennis star, and finding out that love gives him something to play for.

Tom (Was it his name? Well let's just say it's Tom.. whatever) first meets Lizzie when he is accidentally given the key to her hotel room.. And he finds here showering.. Haha.. And that was actually the only good part in the opening scenes of the movie.

The thing is.. Lizzie's kind of a fling-type of person. But then she starts falling for Tom. And while Tom is playing his best because of his falling in love.. Lizzie loses a match and drops out of Wimbledon because of her relationship with Tom..

In the typical ending though, Tom pours his heart out to Lizzie in an interview, Lizzie forgives him, he then wins at Wimbledon because of her encouragment. What happened to me while watching, was not typical. At all.

Can you believe that during the last 30 minutes of Wimbledon, I actually cried the whole time?! YEs, it's true.. I can count how many times I've cried because of a movie.. Around 2 times only I think.. And no cry which approached 30 minutes.. Until now.

Was it the fairytale ending?
The deus ex machina of love triumphing presented in the film?
The feeling that everythingl will be all right in the end?
The absence of the above in my life? :(

Sigh.. I just kept crying scene after scene. It felt as though the movie was speaking directly to me. And it felt as if everything that happened in the movie was the exact opposite of my life right now..

Mostly, I cried because I hoped that the things that happened to TOm would happen to me someday..

Was it true that hope was the most precious thing we have left in Pandora's Box? Hope cuts both ways, believe me. Hope is a double-edged sword, yadda yadda..

But it was good that I cried.. I finally had an outlet for all the depression I've been feeling for the past few days. Although I'm still not over this mood.. Crying had been an escape.. Especially since I'm not really prone to fits of crying..

And that's how Wimbledon will be engraved in my memory...

Yawn...

2005-06-18T10:36:00.000+08:00

While everyone's in McDo bonding... I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no one to talk to..

And with less than 6 hours left on my prepaid internet connection.. Darn...

Here I Am..

2005-06-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

Here I Am.. Overdramatizing again..

My gawsh... And now I'm talking like a gay guy..